


love playing these games (until my heart bleeds)

by Queen_Haruka



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Brief mention of rape/non-con, Cute, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub Undertones, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, F/F, Filthy, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mystery, Teacher-Student Relationship, yes i can write both
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-10-05 08:32:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 27
Words: 77,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10302428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_Haruka/pseuds/Queen_Haruka
Summary: "baby, don't be so scared of biting- love me harder, anddon't be niceplease."There's a weird High-school on a weird island with even weirder people, and then there's Josh whom Tyler may or may not be falling for-hard.





	1. Lypophrenia

**Author's Note:**

> hI this is my first story on Ao3 and i directly dwell in nature themes bc i'm a thirsty hoe but don't mind me, i just hope you'll like this!

  Tyler has lypophrenia.

**Ly poph re ni a.**

Lypophrenia.

When Tyler was seven and his psychologist quietly announced him this diagnostic, he pouted and insisted that he was just...sad.

He wasn't just sad.

No, no, no. Tyler had lypophrenia.

A vague feeling of sorrow and sadness, that seemingly came out of nowhere.

Lypophrenia wasn't supposed to stay here forever. It was supposed to be a nasty but ephemeral thing, coming for an hour and two and leaving for a nice long vacation, to only return back a week later.

At least, for normal people.

Tyler wasn't very normal, then, because Lypophrenia had been with him longer than anything on this earth was. When he got up, when he ate, when he talked and tried to sleep, when he did anything- it was there.

When he was thirteen, polished shoes firmly anchored on the ground as he attended his parents' funeral, Tyler realized that lypophrenia wasn't that bad.

 

 

     Thinking about dyeing his hair blonde or white wasn't probably the best idea at this moment, but Tyler was desperate to take his mind off his brother's rant right now. Yes he tended to attract trouble, and it was true, he hadn't been in a good place for those last four years. Alright, he could understand that he wasn't the best when it came to hanging out with the right crowd, but that didn't make his brother's mistrust hurt any less.

It did, terribly so, just like a little stab in his over-sensitive heart. 

"And- are you even listening ?" Zack grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

Tyler had the decency to look slightly ashamed.

"Hum, not really? It's just, you tend to rant sometimes and I- yeah, I kinda zoned out, sorry." He mumbled, hand going to grip his dark tresses – an old habit he only did when he was stressed or anxious.

Something that Zack noticed, any resentment he held disappearing off his face to only leave behind a deep tiredness. 

"You know I do that...because I'm worried right ?" He wasn't looking at Tyler, eyes fixed on something only he seemed to know, though the passing strangers didn't seem to get it because they gave him a dirty glance.

Tyler thought that they should mind their own business, like, It was the 21st century, people should be able to become momentarily weird when lost in thoughts. Scratch that, people should be allowed to be plain weird, period.

He stuffed his hands into his black hoodie, eyes hidden behind sunglasses going on the floor. His suitcase by his side was dually like a key to freedom and the retriever of his only safe place.    Zack could be overbearing sometimes, but ultimately he loved Tyler to death and was always here to take care of him.

   Their other siblings were too young to really get a grasp of what happened, and ultimately all fell back on Zack, who chose to take care of all of them the moment he became legal.

Something Tyler would never be grateful enough, for he didn't know what he would have done if he was separated from his siblings.

Though it had finally come to that, at least for his senior year of high school. Tyler knew he was the one at fault.

"I know." He finally whispered, looking up when he heard his flight being announced. 

Zack seemed to only grow sadder at this, so Tyler didn't hesitate to push his dislike of human contact to envelop his bigger brother in a warm embrace. 

"I love you, Ty." He murmured, arms strong around his little brother. "I'll call you, like, every day."

"Please don't." Tyler deadpanned, getting a hold on his suitcase. "I'll block you."

"Heartless."

As he said that though, a warm smile made its way on his face at this familiar banter. That reassured Tyler, a little bit.

"Tell me about it." 

He took two steps, before hesitating and stopping. "I love you too." 

 

 

 

       He finally deigned to look at his phone when he got off the plane, ignoring the impressive number of messages and only opening Zack's.

_"I'm begging you, Tyler, don't do anything that'll throw you or anyone else in a hospital. Or a jail."_

Zackie boy – sent feb 22, 12:03 am.

He didn't waste a second to hit the respond button.

_Bitch you thought._

Ty-Ty – sent feb 22,12:03

Where was the fun in going to a very private high school on a very secluded island if you couldn't do anything illegal? Tyler wouldn't let Zack's (quite enormous) money go to waste, he would fully appreciate the things- and the people this island had to offer.

Putting his phone back in his pocket, he searched for the directions he had kindly asked for from Siri before he left, under the vigilant eyes of his brother, of course. Tyler wasn't even slightly kidding when he said that Zack didn't trust him, and he had all the reasons not to.

He did a lot of careless things, had his fair share of the illegal side of society, and never regretted anything he did.  

  Breaking a couple? Wrecking a marriage? Freaking not his fault. He got no joy out of it, he didn't purposefully hook up with married dudes. What was a guy supposed to do when he realized that the charming gentleman hid his ring at night, but took his children out of school the following morning?

Tyler was just looking for something. For something specific. But every time he thought he finally got it, his expectations shattered on the ground, like that Madison Morgan bitch's dreams and hope.

(He still resented the fact that she turned out to be such a two-faced hoe. How dare she be so mean while having his sister's name ?)

Well, that was good and all but now that he was in front of the airport and an unfamiliar landscape greeted is eyes, Siri's directions seemed kinda useless. The logic would have wanted for him to hail a taxi, and simply gives the address of his school which was also going to be his home for the next year.

He spent seventeen years of his life in a small city in the USA, maybe suddenly moving to an actual island wasn't such a good idea.

But before the information attained his head and launched a panic attack, an excited voice loudly interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh my, he is so much cuter in real life !"

"Please stop the fanboy act, we don't want him to freak out and try to run away too."

_Too ?_

Tyler looked around, wondering if the two guys who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere were talking about someone else. But there were few people around, he observed, just like the plane was strangely... empty. Which was strange, because planes were not supposed to be empty.

   Zack had had every reason to worry, his lack of awareness was quite scary.

He took his eyes away from the five people **(five)** littering the place and gave a wary glance to the newly arrived duo. Or maybe they were here since the beginning. 

One of them had a rather crazy smile, hair fluffed around and looking very fine in his sharply casual clothes, Tyler did his best to not be creeped out because he was the one who approached him first while the other stayed back.

"Hi! Are you Tyler? I'm Brendon, and the dude standing all tall dark and mysterious is Dallon! Don't let his height and emo vibes scare you away, he's actually a big teddy bear. We're here to guide you and help you familiarize with all the boring and not so boring stuff." He babbled easily, taking Tyler's hand and shaking it vigorously. 

The taller man sighed, joining them in two long strides and smiling gently. Tyler liked him already. He was total daddy material, too. "Now you know it, I'm Dallon. Though I'm neither emo or mysterious, you shouldn't believe half of the things that comes out of Brendon's mouth."

"You wouldn't believe what enters ma mouth too-"

Dallon kicked him before he could continue, looking very pained. Tyler cracked a smile, before bursting into laughter, his anxiety easing like thin air. The other boys seemed to be proud of themselves. 

When Tyler finally calmed down, he took off his sunglasses, smile still tugging at his lips and previous laughter painting his cheeks pink. "I'm Tyler, as you already know for reasons I'm guessing have something to do with my overprotective brother. Thanks for not being two sociopaths ready to murder me in an empty airport."

Brendon beamed. "You're welcome, it could be interesting and all, but I'm sure your brother will magically appear and have our heads if we try anything."

They understood a little bit more how hardcore Zack could be when Tyler's eyes immediately darted around every little corner. "Don't joke about that, maybe he's hiding somewhere, waiting for me to make a mistake and ship me on some weird ass boarding school." He whispered.

Dallon took his luggage and started walking toward a waiting taxi, while Brendon put an arm around his shoulders. "Sounds hard bro."

"Never say bro again." Tyler was shaken.

"Same." Dallon agreed, giving his companion a weirded-out stare.

"The two of you suck. And don't even try to answer 'you swallow' because I already know the truth."

As they entered the car and drove toward their destination, Tyler lost himself in the surrounding beauty of the place and the animated discussion of his guides. Garden Grove High school on tropical island Palmyra Atoll didn't sound too bad.

 

 

 

   "And that's the last of it! I didn't know a guy could have so many things, and I've been best friend with Brendon for like, always."

"I'm not that bad," Brendon yelled from another room. Tyler didn't want to know what he was doing, he learned in the last hours to not question whatever it was that Brendon Urie decided to do.

He let himself fall without any grace on his fluffy couch, melting against the soft material and letting out a pleased sound. He didn't mean for it to come out as anything less than innocent, but judging bu the blush that painted Dallon's cheeks, he failed.

"So... We're four rooms away, don't hesitate if you need anything. Or if you just want to talk... A-anyway, see you." He stuttered, voice throaty in a way that indicated he wasn't as composed as he tried to be.

Tyler watched him take his friend with him out of the room, laughing quietly at Brendon's loud protests. 

  Well, it was nice to know that he hadn't lost his touch in the last month of being clean.

Zack liked to use that expression as if he stopped doing drugs when it was just Tyler not having weird boyfriends and girlfriends each week. 

He was startled when he saw that night had already fallen, and the wilderness surrounding the dormitory inside out was looking quite ... outwardly. 

**11:55 pm**

Dallon told him that they weren't allowed to roam out of their room after midnight. But it wasn't quite midnight now, was it?

He smiled mischievously, exchanging the clothes he put in a hurry after his shower for a black ripped pair of jeans and an oversized shirt, black too.

_Just like his soul._

 

 

 

     The main land's wilderness was really lame compared to an Island's, that was a fact Tyler hadn't stopped to brag about to Zack when he called earlier.

But things were also incredibly different at night, Tyler couldn't believe this was the same place he visited some hours ago.

Was natural mist like that possible? Why did the flowers and trees look so eerie?

He stopped in the middle of his walk, and promptly took his shoes off, smiling brightly as he felt the wet grass with his bare feet.

That smile didn't disappear when he started thinking.

It was still here, still bright, as he let himself fall to his knees. Just a plain stretch of red lips that was supposed to reflect joy. 

Everything had happened and nothing had happened at once, Tyler was suddenly so sad and empty he could hardly stop himself from screaming and bawling his eyes out.

He shakily put a hand to his chest, breathed in, then out, and reassured himself with the rhythm of his heartbeat. He was still smiling, but lypophrenia came back to say hello and take control of his body.

A soft breath escaped him. He... needed something.

He needed -

"Are you okay ?"

_Someone._

There was another shadow, on the ground.


	2. Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It may be love at first sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ship it so bad

A slight breeze, now, messing up his hair even more than it already was. Tyler didn't care, not about his hair not about the wind, not about the frozen empty smile on his face or the tears that were already cascading down his cheeks. He looked at the shadow on the ground, and finally, his smile disappeared. Disappeared behind his hands that went to hide his face, that went to try and hush up the sobs that were wrecking his body.

"I'm fine," He told the shadow, completely dropping to the ground. "I'm perfectly fine." His voice broke because he was full on crying now, and he couldn't understand why for the life of him. Every time he got a moment of peace-

It never stayed. Never ever ever. He started to think, then overthink, then sadness came and chewed out his heart mercilessly, and he was left on the ground crying even when he was smiling a minute ago.

Tyler wanted to scream.

  It was all dark, everything black behind his hands that were hiding him from the world, he couldn't see anything but the mental images dancing behind his eyelids.

  It was all dark until it wasn't. Strong, powerful hands gripped his, leaving behind a reddened face with fresh tears still rolling down and some blocked on long, dark eyelashes. Tyler didn't want to open his eyes, he kept crying, that's what he did until he wasn't sad anymore until he didn't have any tears to spare.

Those hands though, they were cool and calloused, engulfing his in a soft blanket of reassurance – Tyler breathed.

  And when he opened his eyes, when his vision wasn't blurry anymore and he could see the person in front of him, he stopped breathing again.

"You definitely aren't fine." The man stated, with an edge to his voice, hiding something Tyler couldn't decipher right now. He didn't want to, either, nor did he wanted to do anything else.

  Fireworks didn't explode and angels didn't start singing, but when their eyes connected there was a spark in Tyler's chest; when the man squeezed his hand in reassurance, the fire spread and spread until Tyler's whole body was aglow with a soft fire he never wanted to die out.

  "I'm fine." He insisted quietly, taking their connected hands to put them on his wildly beating heart. Another breeze passed, Tyler noticed red locks dancing with it, and he was breathless again. "See? My heart is beating, and I am breathing. I'm fine."

So very far from fine.

  Brown - champagne two pools of a never ending bath in the sun, a feeling of lying on earth and breathing and living and soft and understanding. Tyler blinked slowly before he started to cry again. The craving was so strong- 

And his arms were so perfect, enveloping him once again with that feeling of the sun again, only all over his body from his head to his toes. Tyler could feel his hot breath on his neck.

  That gave him back his.

The emptiness was being fulfilled, but Tyler was a greedy boy, so he only held the man tighter against him and let those red strands paint his vision in the color of his desire.

He was a greedy boy, but he was just that, a boy, and though airhead he could be sometimes, he wasn't gone enough to not see that this person, was a man.

A man, not a boy.

Tyler wouldn't care, usually. But he promised to be good.

And undoubtedly, unashamedly sinning on his first night by hooking up with a stranger was definitely a no-no.

"You body says you're okay but your eyes don't." The low, rumbling voice of the stranger seemed to resonate inside his mind, they were so close...!

"It was raining inside my head and my eyes were the vessel – that's it."

   The clear laugh he received only urged the fire in his chest. Tyler felt alive.

"Right. Let's get you back in your dorm, Tyler Joseph."

"Oh."

A surprised, and quite embarrassing high-pitched squeak left him when the man stood up, easily lifting him and cradling him close to his chest. Their eyes met one more time, and even when the man avoided eye contact a second later - Tyler saw it.

  Guilt.

Tyler wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, but they weren't many reasons for the man to feel guilty just by looking at him. He probably felt it too, this fire. But- 

"You're a teacher here, aren't you ?" He asked in a small voice, fearing the answer that would follow.

The arms tightened around him, Tyler saw a brightly colored tattoo, before he closed his eyes.

"I am."

Tyler breathed. 

His hand came to rest on the man's chest – where the heart was.

  Maybe it was the jetlag, or perhaps his crying earlier, but he found himself blacking out.

"You...felt it...too."

He wasn't awake to hear his reply.


	3. start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nightmares and new beginnings

_"Tyler, you have to promise me that you'll be quiet."_

_"But mom-"_

_"Please pumpkin," there ~~'s~~  are quiet sobs, heart-wrenching ones that make Tyler want to scream in despair. "it's going to be alright, we'll protect you. Now go hide darling."_

 

_They hear a crash downstairs, and Tyler is ushered by his mother to hide under the bed. There are more sobs now._

 

_He realizes they are his and his mother's combined, then-_

_A scream._

"Tyler!"

Reality is still fuzzy as he feels unknown arms restraining him. If anything, they cause him to scream louder until they tighten in an attempt to soothe his tremors.

 

"Shh Ty, it's me, Dallon. You're okay now."

 

He finally registers what is happening, as well as the gentle embrace that's wrapped around him.

 

Although his screams stop, the crying starts. It's pained and exhausted, as if he's used to this but can't fight against it. Dallon is a blessing in this moment, whispering sweet nothings in Tyler's ear and stroking his back delicately.

He smells like nature and something fresh, comforting- not in the way a cool summer would be, but more like a day in a sunny winter. Tyler inhales sharply and tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

It's only then he realizes he's sitting in Dallon's lap, feet snuggled somewhere in the white sheets, and his hands fisted in a black shirt.

 

"I- thanks, for this-" He hiccups, chest still tight and voice fragile and full of tremors, causing Dallon to hold him tighter. "I'm sorry."

 

Dallon doesn't ask any questions, he only shoos Brendon away, who goes without further ado.

The nightmares were still dancing behind Tyler's closed eyelids.

But so was the beautiful man from the night before. Tyler couldn't get him out of his head.

 

 

        When they join Brendon in the hallway, he immediately notices that something is different between the two. He doesn't know if it's in the way they stand closer than they should, or the near imperceptible protective stance that Dallon displays toward Tyler.

 

Brendon wonders what there is to be protective of because the small and vulnerable form that was on Dallon's lap minutes ago seemed to have been a dream. Tyler was back to the way he had been before, all proud stances and a certain nonchalance that made his presence overpowering.

 

It wasn't dominant per se, but a cool and breezy "look at me." And look they did, certainly the few guys still in the dorm. In their defense, It was difficult not to, he just had  _something._

 

"Nice shorts." Brendon quips in lieu of a greeting, eyeing without an ounce of shame the creamy tights revealed by Tyler's skimpy outfit.

"That's not gonna make you get in them beeb', but thank you." He says loftily, head tilted graciously. There's an ease in the way he holds himself-

He's a boy wearing high-waisted shorts and thigh highs and he makes it work better than most girls.

"I tried," Brendon admits with a shrug, throwing a lop-sided grin in the boy's direction.

Tyler doesn't even grace him with an answer, rolling his eyes and making a swift movement with his head. "Move along lover boy, I need to be fed, otherwise I'll transform into a monster real quick."

 

Brendon was much too happy to oblige. Not before throwing another leer toward Tyler, though. "My pleasure princess- though I would have loved to lead the way from behind..."

He trails off with raised eyebrows, gaining a choked noise from Dallon.

"Don't worry about that," Tyler says cheekily, long eyelashes fluttering. "I'm sure all the other boys can enjoy the view for you."

 

There's a little ruckus behind them at that, and Brendon is laughing as Dallon throws reproachful glares at those that were still staring.

Tyler shrugged, looking smug.

 

 

      "Wow. This is amazing." Tyler whispered, the supreme air around him disappearing as they walked into the lunch hall. Dallon nodded proudly.

"Everything in this school is pretty much like this. They like to make things big here."

Tyler could only nod, mouth parted as he sucked in a little breath. The room looked like it was straight from Harry Potter, from the too large space around them to the long, never-ending tables filled with all kind of food.

 

This time around there were girls, which reassured Tyler a little bit. He was gay up down and sideways but he still enjoyed the girl's company, now probably more than ever.

Brendon was popular here, which didn't surprise Tyler at all.

"Hey bro how's it going?"

"Dude don't miss the games tonight!"

"Where'd you disappear to yesterday man? We were going to hook up with those hot girls from the Moon's dorm..."

Tyler rolled his eyes, smiling a little bit when Dallon put a reassuring arm around his shoulder.

Then low whistles, followed by a silence.

 

"And who's the cutie with you?"

 

Having zoned out, Tyler came back to reality to see all eyes on him. He cocked an eyebrow, smiling mischievously.

 

It was the lead of the boys- all pretty eyes and a cocky demeanour-who asked.

 

"And what is it to you darling?" He breathed, voice low but perfectly heard in the silence that followed the boy's answer.

 

Mirth danced in his eyes as he heard gulps. Tilt your head to expose an expanse of your neck, turn your voice a tad bit sultry and they lose the few brains that they had.

Tyler snorted internally. Boys.

"I-" The dude was blushing, clearing his throat. Not very used to pretty boys was he? "I'm Ryan, and I'd really like to get to know you." He finished, trying to get back into his arrogant character.

Tyler simply smiled impishly, letting an impatient Dallon tug him in another direction. "You'll have to earn it little boy." He winked, ignoring the commotion he left behind.

They didn't get very far, stopping at a table full of ... interesting looking people. At least that was Tyler's first impression.

Dallon hooked an arm around his waist and placed him easily between a blue-haired girl and a guy wearing a fedora. Huh.

They looked startled, too. All of them. He had made quite the entrance, hadn't he?

 

"You know, I'm starting to think that you have a thing for manhandling me." He quipped, crossing his shaved legs and shivering a little. It still felt weird.

"I do." Dallon took a seat just in front of him, his gaze burning.

"Okay, you can't just barge in and start flirting with a pretty boy here Dal'." It was the blue-haired one who spoke first.

Tyler liked her already.

Dallon laughed, clapping his hands lightly to gather everyone's attention, which was quite silly seeing as everyone was looking at them strangely already.

"Guys, this is Tyler, he's going to spend the year with us. Changing schools so abruptly must be hard, so treat him well." He explained, making sure to look at all of them.

Tyler waved lightly, smile barely visible but eyes bright. "Hi."

That seemed to get a reaction out of the more wary ones.

"Well hi Tyler, I'm Alex and this is my sidekick, Jack." The newly named Alex said, gesturing to the guy by his side who flipped him off.

"I'm not his side-kick don't listen to him." He groaned, shaking the waffle in his hand.

Tyler was a little bit offended. No waffle should be treated that way. He looked past their bickering and met eyes with a very good looking boy who totally rocked that beard, like woah.

"I suppose that it's my turn? I'm Jon Bellion and I swear I'm eighteen, don't let the beard mislead you. Or Declan over there." He grumbled the last part, throwing a pointed look at the significantly smaller boy by his side.

Tyler could relate. Except people thought he was twelve. "That's quite alright, you totally look eighteen." He answered, drumming his manicured nails on the table. The blue-haired girl complimented them under her breath, making him smile.

 

"Let's not put him in any kind of illusion, he looks like a thirty-year-old dad," Declan muttered, blowing his hair out of his face after nodding toward Tyler in greeting.

"Just cuz you're still a broody, emo teen doesn't mean we all are." Coming from a guy with that much eyeliner, Tyler was a little bit perplexed.

"You shouldn't talk Pete." The fedora-wearing guy chided. "Do you want maple syrup, Tyler? I'm Patrick." He smiled gently, fluffiness and kindness nearly oozing from him.

Here was the mom friend. Tyler wasn't good with mom friends. He loved them to death but always ended up feeling guilty when he did stupid things. "Thanks, Patrick." He mumbled, smile shy.

The emo guy - Tyler was totally going to call him that - looked betrayed, grumbling something about not being supported by his best friend. Dallon threw him a look. "Present yourself to Tyler."

Pete regained his energy, pumping his fist in the air. "I'm Pete! If someone annoys you just tell me, I'll beat them up for you."

"What did we say about fights?"

"But Patrick-"

"No."

Tyler laughed under his breath. "That's sweet, thank you." And it was. Knowing that a complete stranger was willing to beat someone up for him could really cheer a guy up.

 

"No problems," Pete winked. "Any friend of Dallon here is a friend of mine."

Dallon seemed proud. Tyler was so going to kiss him one of these days.

"Annnd I'm the last one. I'm Ashley, but I like being called Halsey better. I totally stan your look and will prolly steal your shorts one way or another." She beamed, pulling him into a hug.

Yup, Tyler definitely liked her.

"That is if you manage to fit in them."

"You're dead Declan."

The table was quickly filled with laughter at what seemed to be a reoccurring argument. Dallon looked like a stressed dad.

"We're a bit strange, but still a family," Patrick confessed, looking at the group with a fond smile. "Welcome." He added, resting his face on his hand.

For some strange reasons, Tyler felt at ease. They were all being so sincere and open and ready to admit him to their group-

Tyler had forgotten what it meant to belong.

He definitely didn't cry a bit, and Halsey definitely didn't give him a tissue in secret, just like Patrick definitely didn't give him a side-hug.

 

 

 

      "Okay so there are some things you need to know about this school," Dallon said out of nowhere, stopping in what seemed to be a great hall. Tyler seriously wondered if they were actually in a school, the decorations were incredibly rich and-

 

What kind of school had a great hall that looked straight out of a mansion? Like, that expensive-looking carpet on the ground? This tapisserie? The marble columns? Couches?

 

"Huh, yeah I feel like I'm in a big ass mansion. Is there some sort of secret cult that gives us everything in exchange for our silence?" He snorted, eyes still roaming the decorations.

They tensed, but Tyler wasn't paying attention.

He should have, that was the first clue.

Dallon cleared his throat. "Huh, anyway. We have a system much like college, we can take any courses that interest us and that we think may be beneficial for us in the future, as long as we take our three mandatory classes."

That piqued Tyler's interest. "Really?"

"Yep!" Jon answered with a proud grin etched on his lips. "You can fill the papers at the end of the week since you weren't here at the beginning of the year, though you'll have to follow us around to get to know the different choices."

Tyler hummed. "So everyone has a different course?"

"Nah we do stuff in pairs. Today you're with us, Dallon tagged along because he was being a dad." Declan shrugged, blowing his gum.

"I was not."

"You were worried about me?" Tyler asked, no trace of teasing in his voice.

Dallon hesitated a bit. Though eventually, he shrugged helplessly. "Yeah. I didn't want you to feel, I dunno, anxious."

Instead of answering, Tyler just lifted himself on his tiptoes and planted a kiss on Dallon's cheek, lingering a bit to whisper a "thank you" in his ear.

The walk to their first class was spent in mindless chatter, and Tyler couldn't see anything tarnishing his first day.

And with how sweet Dallon was being, he was starting to forget the dream-like encounter of the night before. Everything had seemed so perfect, the mysterious man had something that just pulled Tyler in and-

It had been too perfect. Too perfect to be true. And maybe that was it. Maybe the events of last night weren't real.

"So, Litterature 101? What is our teacher like?" Tyler asked curiously, shaking himself out of his daydream.

Jon and Declan exchanged a knowing look, stopping in front of a door.

"You're going to love him." Jon divulged mildly, before opening the classroom.

Tyler sucked in a breath, heart stopping. Oh hell no.

"Mr. Dun is the best teacher in the school."


	4. fated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler is kinda gay for his teacher.

  Somebody up there was probably laughing their ass off at Tyler's predicament. Or they planned this, thinking that clichés were great and should totally be used in the 21st century.

They shouldn't be, needless to say.

Meeting a peculiar man and kind of _feeling_ something for him on his first night in the campus wasn't really what Tyler had planned. That man being a teacher was incredibly uncalled for. But seeing that very same man not even a day later on his first class?

It was a joke, one that definitely wasn't funny.

(Or maybe it was if Tyler stopped being such an overdramatic bitch.)

Tyler didn't know what to feel at this moment. He was confused and pretty shook. Furthermore, ignoring the fast beats of his heart as well as the flush that was rising on his face was getting more and more difficult by the minute.

  The man looked just as ethereal as he did the night before, red hair stunning and creating a beautiful contrast to the antique air that the room was giving. The class's architecture was all about wood, great window, and sixteen foot talk ceilings. Tyler felt as if he was in one of those old prestigious school.

It almost distracted him from the man.

Almost, because damn he looked just as fine as he did the night before. Mr. Dun totally rocked that whole long-capes-harry-potter-style thing.

Tyler did his best to not let his eyes linger too much and too obviously on the man. They were already mildly creating a scene just by the way they looked at each other, something he didn't realise until Declan pointed it out.

"Are you guys long lost friends or something? Never mind, that would be weird, he looks like he could be your dad."

Tyler scrunched his nose in distaste, ignoring Jon's coo about how cute his button nose was. "He definitely looks like he's on his late twenties, don't be a creep." He whispered back, side-eying Josh and turning away quickly when the man made eye contact.

His face was unreadable. And not in the "dark and mysterious" act, Tyler couldn't detect for the life of him what he was thinking. Was he shocked too? Probably not, seeing as he knew who Tyler was the night before.

_Was he as thrilled as Tyler (secretly) was?_

He sat down quietly, the chatters of his two new friends and the rest of the class resonating like a soft buzz in the background.

 _Mr. Dun_ was looking silently at all of them, before a gentle smile cracked on his face and he started his class. That is, not before putting Tyler in another round of turmoil when he gave him one more unreadable look.

"For those that weren't there on the first day, I'm Joshua Dun, the one that you guys are going to be stuck with in english litterature, art, _and_ theatre." He said cheerily, looking as if there was some inner joke here that only he understood.

"Oh, I wouldn't call that being stuck though." Replied fervently a girl on the front, quickly joined by her peers.

"More like heaven on earth!"

"It's our pleasure!"

"Putting you in charge of three courses is really evil Mr. Dun, everyone wants to enter the artistic clique now!" Another student grumbled, though he didn't seem _that_ annoyed when he heard Josh's sunny laugh.

Tyler couldn't blame him, Josh had a beautiful laugh. You know, the contagious one that just seemed to erase every negative feelings and made you want to laugh alongside him. A laugh that made the corner of his eyes crinkle and transform his face in another kind of art painted with moon-like curved eyes.

Angelic, very proper and gentle. Tyler wondered if he was like that in bed, too.

He pursued his lips, trying to keep his thoughts away from this lane. _Not starting trouble, not starting trouble, not starting trouble._

"Mr. Dun is a great teacher Ty, he's pretty much loved by everyone in this school." Declan whispered to him excitedly, playing with his notebook on one hand.

"Which is a feat, what with the big ass school we have." Jon supplied, some kind of admiration shining in his eyes as he looked at their teacher. Laughs erupted around them, Josh having made some lame joke but being so endearing that half the class still laughed. "Ugh he's perfect." Jon really didn't sound upset.

The idea of trying something with Josh was appealing. Very appealing. But it was a Bad idea with a capital B.

Then again, Tyler _loved_ bad ideas.

He had been craving some weird stuff for a moment now. Cravings that boys his age or married men didn't satisfy anymore.

"Alright, open your books page 15. We'll keep talking a little more about Wuthering Heights."

Tyler groaned. "Not Wuthering Heights oh lord _why._ " He looked physically pained, pouting at the book Declan offered cheerily.

"Mr. Dun will make you love it." Jon supplied, patting his head softly.

"I would like to precise that I certainly do not think so." He said as politely as possible, straight face and all, until his new friends start laughing as discreetly as possible.

Not really discrete, going by the way their teacher looked at them.

_Teacher._

Tyler smiled sweetly, hands tilted slightly away from his face - on the right, in a faux-innocent move that always managed to take people off-guard.

Mr. Dun wasn't an exception. But he got over his surprise quickly and went back to his litterature, answering smoothly a student's question.

Tyler shouldn't.  
But-

He bite his lips, eyes furtively dancing on Josh's body.

-the _craving._

 

"Tyler? Stay behind please."

Aw crap. Had Tyler been too obvious? It wasn't as if he did any of his tricks too! He had really _behaved._

As everyone left the class in reluctant little groups - they really loved Josh, Tyler learned -, Jon and Declan looked hesitantly up at their teacher then at Tyler.

It wasn't a good moment to comment on the estrade where Josh was situated, but Tyler totally thought that it was super extra.

"You're extra." Declan said, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"I thought aloud?" Tyler grimaced, putting his things in his back and looking discreetly at Josh.

"Yeah, but don't worry, we all think it's extra. This school is extra." Jon muttered, face growing somber.

Declan seemed to darken up, but Tyler was too busy freaking out internally to notice it. _Again._

"We're going to wait for you outside." And as quickly as they said this, he felt a light tap on his shoulder and they were gone.

It was like a switch had been turned on. The sheer, dare he say, _sexual_ tension between Josh and him would have been reason for culpability enough.

Tyler watched silently as Josh came down from his estrade, stopping a few feet away from the younger boy.

He didn't say anything at first, just looking at him the way he did _yesterday._

Tyler just wanted to reach out and kiss him and convince him to bang him nice and slow.

... What a wild thought.

"So, Tyler."

"Yes _Mr. Dun?_ " Tyler answered sweetly, laughing internally at the way Josh cringed.

"Call me Josh, please." He cleared his throat.

Tyler shrugged, trying to come off as nonchalant even when his stomach was doing litteral flips flops and a pit of nervousness keep tugging at his heart. Flirting with men outside of school in the dead of the night was easy.

Flirting with his - very hot - teacher on broad daylight when any students could come in and realise that those two were seconds away from jumping each other ... that was on a brand new level.

Well, it wasn't as if dear _Mr. Dun_ would act on it anytime soon. He had Tyler all vulnerable and pretty hypnotised the night before, yet he didn't act on it.

He was a good guy.

And well, respecting laws was kind of mandatory too, even if it wasn't Tyler's thing.

"I dunno, do you ask all of your students to call you by your first name?"

"No, no just you." Josh answered quietly, staring intently at the younger boy. Tyler would have been flattered, really, but something in Josh's voice made him freeze.

"You know about me, don't you?" He whispered, going suddenly pale. The delicate grip on his bag tightened when Josh nodded.

"I couldn't care less about your pity, _Josh._ I'm no broken little kid-" He said angrily, voice breathy. "Everything is fine." He finished, marching swiftly to the door.

Josh quickly gripped his wrist and brought him back in a swift movement.

His glossy, electric-like chocolate diamonds were shining in earnest, as if he _really_ cared about Tyler. Why would he do that?

The younger boy tried to snatch his hand away, but Josh only tightened his grip and came closer.

"Ever heard of personal space?" Tyler muttered sassily, putting his other hand on Josh's chest and trying to push him away.

It totally wasn't to feel those muscles. But what a nice coincidence, right?

"You're not fine, Tyler. Your life took a turn for the worst in those last years, your brother is really worried and so am I."

"Wha-? _You talked to Zack?_ What the hell? Let me go!"

"He was _worried!_ "

"Yeah well it's none of his business!" Tyler nearly screamed, face flushing with anger. "And it's not yours either! Did you guys planned this? Is that why you were so caring last night? God I can't believe it."

His voice faded into something like sadness in the end, giving up on trying to tear himself away from the man.

Josh sighed. "Tyler."

"What." He mumbled bratilly, eyes fixed on his shoes. Josh surprised him by enveloping him in a sudden embrace, arms powerful and grip tight against his body. "I care. I can't tell you everything about why I know so much, but it's not what you think."

Tyler relaxed, going boneless in the warm hold. He should be angry but - it would be a lie to say that he wasn't craving the man's touch. He was so weak... His hands gripped the material adorning Josh's muscular frame. "That's creepy. Very creepy."

"It is. I'm sorry." He didn't sound very sorry, Tyler squinted his eyes up at him.

"Okay, so if your reasons for caring about me aren't all about my big brother ... what are the others?" He asked breathily, eyelashes fluttering delicately in that faux-innocence he was so good at.

Josh went red, pushing him away gently. "Let's not get in there Tyler. I want to help you get better, but not in that way."

"It'll _really_ help." Tyler quipped hopefully.

Josh gave him an unimpressed stare. "I'm still your teacher."

"So?"

"I can't touch one of my students, that's- that's illegal. I never did this and oh my god I'll never do it- what even?" He looked horrified.

Tyler was impressed by his morals, really. Those kind of things left him at the same time as the accident, leaving behind nothing but a screwed version of what was once an innocent boy.

He gazed loftily at his agitated teacher, a slow sexy smirk curled at his luscious lips. "We'll see, Josh."

"We won't see anything Tyler, nothing is going to happen between us!" Josh muttered, flustered.

Tyler gripped his tie suddenly, making the older man bend nearly in half to come face to face with the tiny boy. "I do that thing called what I want, Josh. Prepare yourself, I'm gonna make you my new _daddy._ "

He spoke in a low, quiet tone, hot breath fanning on Josh's lips, before he pushed him away and sashayed his way out of the classroom. "Goodbye _Mr. Dun._ " He called cheerily, looking as if nothing happened in the classroom. Declan and Jon saw pretty much nothing.

Josh was left all shaken up in his classroom, hand ruffling his hair in frustration. "What did I get myself into?"

If only he knew.

 

 

 

         "What did Mr. Dun want from you?" Declan asked, unable to retain his curiosity anymore.

With the way his ear was pressed on the door, Tyler seriously wondered how he didn't hear anything. So, he asked him just that. "You didn't hear anything?"

"Nope." Jon answered first, navigating then swiftly in the crowd of students. "All the classes are soundproof."

Tyler blinked. "What for?"

This time, he caught the way Declan and Jon looked at each other. There was something that they weren't telling him about. "Another mystery to add to the list of 'why this school is creepy'."

Humming softly, Tyler dropped the subject without saying anything more. But he kept the information in the back of his mind to puzzle on it later. Something was fishy and he was going to discover what exactly.

Tyler stayed low for the rest of the day.  
Well, as much as someone like him could stay low. He couldn't stay still or keep his mouth shut for the life of him, and although it had unsettled some teachers and left some others flustered, he had definitely attracted the attention of the rest of the student body.

"Everyone is looking at you." Declan muttered in awe, moving his hair out of his face with a big silly breath.

Tyler was going to cut them in his sleep, because he was evil like that. "Are they now?" He sing-sang with a smirk, putting his things in his locker. It was probably the only normal thing he had seen for the day ... Which was saying something because the locker looked like some freaking closet altogether.

"Well, duh." Halsey said with a laugh as she came closer, her loud clear voice being heard from miles away. "I don't know if they're shook or seduced." She finished when she was nearer, planting a kiss on his cheek.

He took her in a side-hug, keeping an arm around her as they made their way in the vast green venue. It was situated just outside the school, they didn't even have to walk more than two minutes to enter the Not-Quite-Greenhouse.

"Whatever." He shrugged, giving her a lopsided grin. "Too glam to give a damn."

"Senior quote like whoa." She answered in a laugh, Jon and Declan shaking their head with amused smiles.

"Okay you bunch of divas, the others are waiting for us inside. We'll talk with them about Tyler's great first day and the thing with Mr. Dun." Declan declared as he pushed open the great glass doors of the green field, smirking wickedly when Halsey gasped.

Tyler gave him a dirty glare to which he smiled innocently back.

"Yeah Ty', tell us everything about the thing with Mr. Dun." Jon fuelled the already burning discussion, mischievousness dancing in his eyes.

Tyler would have punched him if he wasn't so handsome.

And because he was in luck today, their friends happened to be very near and hear their discussion.

Brendon wiggled his eyebrows, and Tyler was already done.

"Nothing happened, okay?" He grumbled, nervousness making his heart clench. He hadn't even started anything with Josh, it would be a real pain in the ass to have them on his back already. "Apparently he knows stuffs about me because of my big bro and is supposed to keep a close eye on me."

Dallon nodded sagely. "You need it."

Tyler fought the amused smile that wanted to spread on his lips. Oh if only that darling boy knew.

He crossed his arms on his chest with a pout to keep up the pretence, stomping his right feet on the ground like a child. "I don't need to be babysitted." He muttered, ignoring Alex's creepy "awws" and the "let's adopt him" from Patrick to an amused Pete.

"You do, though." Dallon tugged him down on his lap, looking at him worriedly. "You've been here for just a day and some girls are already complaining about their boyfriends looking away."

Tyler shrugged as they all explauded into laughters, making himself comfortable on Dallon's lap. He was just grateful that the subject about Josh had been dropped. "I'm doing them a favour, now they know their boyfriends aren't above cheating." He said solemnly.

"Or, you're just a hoe." Halsey accused, on the verge of laughing again.

He smiled. "I mean, you're not wrong."

This time, he joined in quietly when they laughed again, basking in the conversations that followed and the warm atmosphere. It wasn't as suffocating as people made islands to be. It was nice.

He relaxed completely. It felt nice.

A prick on his neck made him suddenly look up in the trees of the greenhouse, heart beating quickly.

Dallon felt him tense against him and looked at him worriedly, squeezing his arm. "You okay?"

Tyler nodded, a tight smile on his face. He didn't want to worry Dallon but...

He felt as if someone was observing him.

_And not in a very kind way._


	5. teasing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which tyler is a tease and josh breaks slowly

Two weeks. Just two weeks, and Josh was already ready to put a leave for depression. Or anxiety. Or nervousness.

Tyler Joseph was a tiring boy. Oh no, he wasn't annoying, far from it. If only. It would have made Josh's life easier. Certainly, Tyler Joseph was far from being annoying or remotely boring.

In fact, the young boy made a point to transform even the lamest task in the most exciting and thrilling rollercoaster. Read a passage in the book? He would do so, obediently like a good boy, but his voice would have the undertone of something so very sexual that it became hard for everyone to not pop a boner.

Give some papers to another class? _"Sure Mr. Dun"_ he would say in an apparent polite voice, but Josh would catch his wicked grin and the little touches that he initiated sneakily, making sure to leave Josh shaking and a little bit too red for the warm temperatures of the class.

Rare times where they were alone? Screw the innocent act, the boy just discarded all pretenses and full on flirted with him.

It came to a point where Josh was scared of looking at the boy, in fear of being pulled in some sort of enticing cobweb that promised delicious moments, dare he say, between smooth tanned legs and strawberry-bitten lips.

  But Joshua William Dun had morals. And no matter how irresistible Tyler was, he would certainly not give in. The desire was here, he figured there was no point in denying it when they both clearly saw how smitten Josh was the first time they exchanged a glance. 

Admitting his attraction was a thing. Getting past the horror of lusting after a boy thirteen years younger than him was another, which he wasn't ready to do anytime soon.

There were days, in which the obvious attraction they had for each other was put aside in favour of playful banters and caring little attentions.

Then...

Cold showers and cheeks red in shame after masturbating to the thought of bending the boy over the nearest surface was his new routine -

\- It was always better than doing the real thing. Josh wouldn't be able to look at himself without cringing if it happened.

He was going to hold on tight and help Tyler ... without deepening their already ambiguous relationship.

His eyes caught another pair; his heart beat faster when tantalising lips were bitten.

Josh sighed. Tyler Joseph was such a tiring boy.

A tiring boy with stars in his eyes and sugar in his voice, a tiring boy full of everything that was good in life and leaving flowers in his walk, in the eyes of his peers and the mind of the wanderers.

It was a scary scary thought, but Josh wanted him so bad. 

 

Tyler Joseph was in a dilemma.

A dilemma that didn't involve tears in the morning in front of two shades of black and the agony of finding the one that'll fit his outfit. Nor an agony in finding the boy or man with whom he'll finish the night.

It was, surprisingly, a dilemma of moral. Tyler didn't remember how to deal with those, couldn't find in himself the last time he had cared about morals. But here he was, here Josh appeared, and here came the conflict.

Joshua Dun was a wonderful man.

Whether it be the burst of joy he gave to the world whenever he smiled, or that warm bubbling sensation of goodness appearing when he laughed - he was good he was wonderful and if Tyler hadn't been exposed to the phenomena everyday, he would have swore that the guy didn't exist.

But Joshua Dun aka perfection did exist, all nice and helpful and handsome and caring, a bundle full of so many qualities that his flaws were buried only to be seen once every full moon.

Tyler wanted him bad, Tyler craved him. But Tyler couldn't have him, the man had morals harder than Brendon's dick whenever he saw Ryan.

Such a strange comparaison.

He could try to break them. Josh was the adult between the two of them, but Tyler never failed to show him how experimented he was. He could push him on the edge of no return ...

But Josh would hate himself afterwards. He wouldn't even get mad at Tyler, no, he would endorse the guilt alone. And Tyler didn't want that, it wasn't how it was supposed to work.

Tyler was sixteen, not fucking eight. If he wanted to bang his teacher, he would take responsibility for it. That legal thing was complete and utter bullshit, Tyler wasn't going to magically become an adult the moment he was eighteen or whatever age that society had set for him.

If only he could make Josh understand that ...

"I need a man..." He sighed wistfully, the pastel blue of his nails shining in accord with the way he felt - sad blue mixed with white wonder for a solution of pastel melancholy.

Halsey stopped playing with her rings for a moment. She gazed at him and immediately caught his mood. "There's probably hundreds of guys dying to be that man." She answered truthfully, curiosity dripping from her voice.

Tyler let his body fall completely on the table. The chuckle that came out of his mouth was both so alive and so dead. She let the sound ring in her ears - it was nice, smooth and light, a little bit strange.

"No, silly. I want a gingerbread man. One ... that won't be nice, that won't be bad either, one that'll cherish me, but who'll make me cry and put pretty marks on my body." The sheer strength and excitement in his words left Halsey speechless. She hadn't heard him so ... so passionate for anything since he came here.

Tyler had fun, Tyler teased and played with a lot of guys but never really gave in. She would have thought that he was leading them on, but the outright difference in the balance of power made her see things how they really were.

He was just being himself. If they couldn't handle his sass, then they certainly couldn't handle that ass.

Senior quote, Brendon had answered before she could.

Her mind was brought back in the present when he shifted, ass on the glass bench and upper body sprawled in a picture that would have been sinful if he wasn't so lost in his thoughts.

She reached out and pinched the skin of his stomach. His indignant cry was ignored as she gave him a jealous glance. "How come your stomach is this flat? How come you're so thin? I'm outraged."

"I should be the outraged one you bitch," He answered with false tears brimming in the corner of his eyes. "I told you about my dream man and you just blew me off for my stupid body." 

Halsey was partly satisfied with the pet name/insult, partly offended that he referenced his own body as stupid. "Your body is frankly beautiful." She stated, hands patting his flat belly. "As for your dream man, I'll admit it, I'm a little bit scared about the fact that you want him to hurt you." 

He waved her words off. Though she could see that she must have hit something sensible, because he was playing with the hem of his skirt and biting his lips the way he only did when he was nervous.

When he answered, Halsey felt like a cold hand squeezed her heart.

"My body isn't worth much to be honest." His voice was plainly devoid of emotions. When she looked in his eyes, she saw that he truly thought those things.

Tears brimmed in her eyes. "Tyler-"

"It is how it's supposed to be. My personality is top notch i'll give you that," He joked lightly, both hands going to push his air back. "But my body? I'd let anyone have it - it's garbage."

She couldn't even protest, for the other members of their makeshift family arrived in pairs and Tyler jumped on the occasion to change subjects and greet them cheerily.

So be it, she thought, eyes firm with resolve, she would do something about this.

"What's wrong with Tyler today? He looks sad." Dallon asked sourly, eyes training on the smaller boy. Halsey kinda pitied the poor dude. He was obviously madly infatuated with Tyler. It would have been very cute, if Tyler didn't shy away from his obvious affection whenever it was brought.

"He's not as okay as he wants us to think." She finally replied. Her fingers started playing with her rings again, mind reeling with potential solutions. "What should we do?"

"Be there for him." Dallon muttered. The second after, he looked like he was hit with a bright idea. "And get Mr. Dun!"

She beamed silently, clapping him a little. "Excellent."

"What is?" Tyler asked lightly, drilling his body between the two of them. "It looks like someone you knew died, lighten up please!"

They both gave him unimpressed stares. He pouted, going back to his lunch with a low grumble.

Once more, the feeling of being watched hit him suddenly and he was left with an anxious sentation in the pit of his stomach.

Looking left and right didn't help. There was no one, no suspicious figures or strange stalkers.

But, it never meant that the danger wasn't here. It was. Just sitting at one's side.

He ate his lunch in a daze of anxiety, sugarcoated with playful banter and peppered with traitorous thoughts of Mr. Dun.

 

"Hello-"

"What is it that I heard about you not valuing your body?" Josh asked without preamble, elbows on the desk and entwined fingers hiding the lower part of his face.

Tyler blinked at him from the entry of the large office. He slowly backed away. "Goodbye."

The boy nearly jumped out of his skin when Josh abruptly stood up. He watched him stalk his way toward him with wide eyes, heart stopping violently only to start again when Josh slammed the door close and pressed Tyler on it, their body flushed together. The sheer difference in size had Tyler's body fully shivering. He felt ... small.

"We're not playing games, Tyler. What's wrong?" Josh asked harshly, a fire burning in his eyes like Tyler never saw before. It was like seeing a brand new Josh- barely calm, body rumbling with controlled anger and a dominant air that had Tyler's knees go weak. 

He breathed slowly, gulping. "Halsey probably ran her mouth off to you huh? Well things are the way they are, I'll say it again and again until you people understand." He whispered lowly, rage slowly and silently making their way in his voice and his mood. "That. Body. Is. Fucking. Worthless." He emphasised each of his word with a pointed finger on Josh's chest. 

The older man didn't say anything for a moment, and Tyler thought that his words hit home.

He thought wrong.

A muffled cry escaped him when lips descended on his in a rough kiss, his body hitting the door one more time as Josh gripped his waist tightly. He couldn't help but let a moan escape his mouth, hands coming to feverishly grip Josh's hair and push their body as close as possible. 

"Your body isn't fucking worthless," Josh breathed when they separated, not even waiting for Tyler to answer before he went down on him and kissed him hard. "Nothing in you is worthless Tyler, nothing." And his voice went from rough and nearly frightening to a sad whisper full of earnestness.

Tyler let his hands wander down Josh's back, breathless. "You care too much." He told him quietly, nipping at his jaw tenderly.

"I know," Josh replied, clasping Tyler's waist in a possessive hold and bringing their lips together one more time. "I've been wanting this so bad-"

Tyler laughed breathlessly in between their constant kisses, bitting and licking and fucking _kissing_ Joshua Dun as if it was the last time. "Me too Josh, me too."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't you fucking dare to be sorry."

"I'm having so much bad thoughts about you-"Josh whispered fervently, seeming horrified at himself and aroused at the same time.

"No you aren't." Tyler soothed him gently, wrapping his arms around the older man in a warm embrace. "You're the most respectful guy I've ever encountered Josh, please please don't distance yourself from me." He murmured under his breath, looking pleadingly into Josh's eye.

  He didn't want to admit it, but his heart broke just a little bit too much when Josh detached himself from him. Ruby colored blur of hair shook in a negative answer.

Tyler swallowed the lump in his throat, turning away without another word.

The silence in the office was deafening, when Tyler went away.


	6. craving

  A poison dancing wildly in his veins would have been less infectious than the desire spreading like wildfire in Tyler's whole fucking body. It was relentless, he would try to think about something else, managing somehow, before a little detail triggered him and he was left thinking about Josh one more time.

It was frankly exhausting, Tyler didn't want to crave for this man. He wasn't sure who he was mad at, in the end.

Josh? Or his own pathetic self who thought it was a good idea to lust after his _teacher?_

He scribbled the notes from the large board to his papers without really thinking about it, mind faraway from whatever it was that their biology's teacher thought was important for them to learn.

She was a nice lady, that was for sure. But Tyler was a _jealous little boy,_ seeing her clinging to Josh's arm at every chance just because they were both teachers - 

It was enough to make Tyler resent her a bit. A lot.

What was wrong with him?

"The heck is wrong with you?" Halsey finally asked at lunch. She had to watch him pester and basically be a pain in the ass for the last week, enough was enough.

"Nothing." He answered glumly, pushing his food away. It only made her worry grow. Tyler was a little bit too thin to begin with, him eating even less than he did usually -

\- it was a bad sign. She had been there before.

The both of them had grown closer after this one afternoon. It was as if Tyler sharing this surprising opinion of him brought them together. Almost like a secret.

Brendon nudged him gently. "Ty please at least eat something."

It was always surprising to see how much Brendon cared behind his flamboyant air.

"Not hungry." He shot back quietly. He felt weak, tired, hungry, but not for food. Thirsty, but certainly not for water.

All because of this damn teacher. Why couldn't he just move on like he usually did?

It was a stupid question -- he couldn't, simply. Josh wasn't making things easier.

He cared. Cared like no one did until Zack and the lovely squad he found himself accepted in. But Josh knew about him, about his past, about his secrets, about his misbehaviours and the many people he sent in jail just by being too peculiar to be left alone.

Tyler didn't want Josh to know all of this, but Josh did, and it created some sort of connection that he couldn't have with anybody else.

Josh cared too much, perhaps that was the reason he didn't want to touch Tyler.

The thought had him sulking even more.

Dallon, Brendon and Ashley looked at each other sadly. What were they supposed to do in this kind of situation?

"Cheer up guys!" Brendon shouted suddenly over their mindless chatters, clapping his hands fabulously and attracting the whole table's attention. "We are having this month's party in three days! People from both the Sun's and Moon's dorm are going to be here, so yeah it's gonna be a blast."

Tyler perked up a little as cheers erupted around them. He leaned in Dallon's side, little smile dancing on his lips when the taller boy immediately hugged him. 

"What's the party he's talking about?" He inquiered lazily, tracing silly shapes in Dallon's chest.

"Ah, we didn't tell you did we?" The blank smile he received was an answer enough. "The school let us use some rooms to have a monthly party, something about strengthening the student's relationships." Dallon explained slowly, probably still perplexed by the oddness of it all.

Tyler wondered if things here were strange just for him. Prestigious schools were a thing, but ones that looked like legitimate mansions? Teachers in an uniform who acted like some kind of gardiens? That college-like system who gave them so much freedom?

It was suspicious. Yet, Tyler didn't knew what was wrong exactly. His friends were sure that everything was perfectly okay, furthermore, asking Josh directly was a big no-no seing as Tyler did everything im his power to avoid him.

And power, he had. Over poor infatuated students that were ready to abide to his every needs.

(Which was still kind of a mystery to Tyler. What was so interesting in that worthless, fucked up body of his that had them drooling?)

"And what do we do in this kind of party? Surely they won't let us bring alcohol and stuffs?" He wondered aloud, eyeing Halsey's and Declan's hundredth argument.

It was about tomatoes and vibrators. Tyler didn't want to know more.

Dallon laughed. "We manage to have fun without alcohol Tyler! We play some games, have some non-alcoholing drinks, and hook up like no tomorrow."

"Damn right!" Pete screamed from the other side of the table. He received a glare from Patrick, making them snicker.

"It'll be cool if you came - even if you don't need any party to hook up with anyone, huh Tyler?" Jon prompted, resting his head on his fist.

Tyler blew him a kiss, his fawn-like eyes twinkling with amusement. Halsey and Dallon were a bit relieved to see this ray of life alight Tyler's eyes.

 

 

The sun was setting.

Walking around alone on the school's grounds wasn't something Tyler usually did, but here he was, having fallen asleep in a dark corner of the library and now running in cold corridors.

He suddenly felt arms wrap around his waist, and before a scream could have been ripped from his mouth, he was yanked in an dark, empty classroom. 

His first reaction was to scream, but a hand clapped on his mouth and he was left eyes wide open, searching for an escape and heart beating.

"Tyler shh it's me." A familiar voice murmured in his ear, making him relax entirely.

The hand clamped on his mouth fell down on his hip, and he turned slightly around to throw a dirty glance at the man who had him prisoner. "That's creepy, Josh."

Josh didn't let him go, crooked grin barely visible in the feeble lights. "It was that, or coming to your room at night - which certainly isn't a good idea." He trailed off, letting the unsaid words dance in between them.

Tyler tried to bring his beating heart on a normal pace, failing miserably. He had missed Josh so bad this week. Not going to his classes and avoiding him wherever he thought there was even a slight chance for them to meet - he had thought that his unwanted desires would go away.

But, no. Like an unstoppable fire, fierce and grand, the cravings never left him alone and he was left wanting the man more and more as the days passed. 

"Why do you do this to me?" He whispered tiredely, eyes shining with unshed tears of frustration. 

"I should be the one to ask you that." Josh answered, gripping his hips and turning him around to look at him in his eyes. "Don't waste your tears on me baby."

"You sure as hell don't deserve them." Tyler's voice shook, a clear indication that he wasn't thinking the words he spoke. "You could have me, we could have something. Why do you reject me?"

Josh shook his head, fingers drawing small circles on the exposed skin of Tyler's hip bones. "We can't. That's... that's illegal."

"Then why do you touch me the way you do?" Tyler shot back, hands hooking behind Josh's neck to bring him closer. "Why do you look at me the way you do?"

Josh didn't say anything. He didn't need to, not when their lips connected like magnets, hungrily exploring each-other's mouth like starved men. It was rough and passionate, a wild mix of biting and licking and letting bruises on hips. Tyler let his hands wonder in Josh's hair, tugging slightly whenever the older man bite him harshly, moaning with abandon at the possessive hold on his body.

They separated, breath harsh and connected by a thin string of saliva that Tyler would have thought gross with another man. But not Josh, never Josh.

He looked at the man pleadingly, heart aching. "Please."

Josh only seemed to hurt even more, eyes filling with a sadness mixed with a desire that Tyler was familiar with. "I want to Ty, oh darling boy believe me I do." 

A lull in the conversation appeared, where they just breathed, looking at each other - basking in the presence of the wanted one.

Tyler was the first one to break eye contact, every inch in his body still reaching toward Josh, every parcel of his small body screaming at him to just kiss Josh again and again until the man broke, until he took him right here and lulled his mind in bliss with that delightful voice of his.

He couldn't even fool himself into thinking he just wanted the man to bang him quick. It was something else, something that prevented him from breaking Josh like he did with so many men before.

Josh was a good man. A caring man with the sun in his smiles and the moon in his eyes. He didn't deserve to have his job on the line for someone as measly as Tyler.

He deserved better.

So Tyler gently pushed him away, even though he immediately felt cold down to his bones. He turned his eyes away from those enchanting eyes, in fear of getting trapped in them. 

"What did you want?" He managed to say, so so quiet in this moment that he didn't even recognise himself. 

Josh pursued his lips, hands twitching as if they were burning to go back where they belonged- on Tyler's body. 

And Tyler wasn't going to lie, he was pretty satisfied that this craving wasn't one sided.

"I just- this party, don't go." Josh muttered abruptly, looking agitated. Tyler wanted to get angry, really. There was a command in Josh's voice, a strict demand that certainly wouldn't take no for an answer.

Tyler wanted to get angry, but there was a thrill shaking his body at the thought that Josh might be-

Jealous.

"Why is that?" He asked, curiosity mingled with an amusement that had Josh whirl around in anger. 

"It's dangerous." 

Tyler scoffed. "A high school party? What's the worse that could happen?"

"You and I both know that things can turn to the worse very quick." Josh answered lowly, something primal lurking under his skin.

He always looked like that, when it was just Tyler and him, different from the man he usually was.

When they were in public, when people swarm his space, demanding his attention - he was gentle. A gentle force, like a giant teddy bear that was only a teacher when he made them learn something. Otherwise? He was a friend, or a cool uncle, maybe the big brother that everyone secretely craved.

But ... But not with Tyler. 

When he was with him, Josh became a man in the "let me fuck you right there" way. It made Tyler wonder, what was there in him that pushed Josh to change so dramatically?

They were doing it again, getting lost in thoughts about the other in a silence full of sexual tension. Tyler shook himself out of his daze, taking two steps back away from Josh. "I'll be fine." He paused. "I have ... people who care about me this time. They really do." He insisted, trying to please the older man.

Josh looked like he wanted to argue, only to drag a hand in his hair in frustration. "Just, be careful, please."

He sounded defeated. Defeated and agitated. Tyler knew then, that something is wrong.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" He squinted suspiciously at the man.

Josh didn't make any move to deny it, and Tyler wanted to scream.

"What th fuck Josh? Don't keep things from me, you have no rights to do that!"

"It's for your own good." Josh replied weakly, biting his lips.

"Yeah well you know what else would be good for me? Your dick up my ass but it doesn't seems like I'm gonna get it anytime sooon."

"Tyler."

"No!" He nearly yells, pretty much done with everything. "You always make it seems as if I'm the one with issues, and yeah you may be right about that." He tightened his grip on his backpack, heart clenching with hurt and anger. "But it seems like you have some of your own, I don't want you to come near me until you fucking get over them."

Now, Josh seemed panicked, yet Tyler couldn't even extract any satisfaction from this. He was tired of getting himself sick over their ridiculous, non-existent relationship.

He wanted to say something else - but he didn't. 

His hand was heavy on the doorknob, steps airy when he got away, mind reeling with the sense of déjà-vu.

 

It's what he always seems to do toward Josh. Run away from him.


	7. danger

  When did things became so complicated? How did he even thought that he would escape from this unscathed?

Tyler Joseph was terribly dangerous. Josh could feel himself burning by simply being in his presence.

_It was in this kind of moment that he understood why-_

He shook his head violently, head resting on the door that he had Tyler pressed against minutes ago.

_Tyler._

Lovely pieces of heaven and damning pieces of hell mixed in a small curvy body, wrapped in ruby lips and starish eyes. Another minute, if their lips had stayed glued one more minute, Josh would probably have done something he swore to never do in his career.

But Tyler was-

Tyler was so different. Special, a wonder, an otherworldly boy with a voice from heaven and kisses straight ticket to hell.

And oh how he turned Josh into a sinner. How Josh was ready to be damned for this boy. 

Their situation was more difficult than Tyler thought. The age difference and their status as student and professor were nothing but two more numbers to be added on the list of 'why Josh and Tyler being together is a Bad idea'.

Except, four weeks after their first contact, Josh couldn't find it in himself to care. Was he weak? Probably. Was the tentation too big? Certainly.

He left the classroom with a dark cloud over his head, stumbling in the teacher's room and falling face first on one of the luxurious sofas.

"It's rare for you to be so depressed Josh."

He didn't even lift his head from the soft cushions, waving weakly to Frank. The laughter he received made him smile slightly. Frank was good at cheering people just by being himself.

"What's wrong?" The other man probed, shuffling around until everything was silent once more.

"Nothing." Josh's answer was mufled, nevertheless, Frank heard him clearly enough to sigh.

"Something is obviously bothering you bro, won't you share your problems with daddy Frank?"

Josh straightened a little to give the other man a weirded out stare. "Don't you dare call yourself daddy ever again."

Frank shrugged, a smile playing on his lips. "Gerard likes it enough..."

"Oh my god." Josh flushed, hands going on his ears. "I can't hear anything ."

Frank just rolled his eyes, standing up only to plop back again by Josh's side. "Seriously, what's going on?" His tone was genuinely worried.

That made Josh relax, sitting up on the sofa. Frank made it his personal chosen vocation to pester his friends into telling him what was bugging them. He didn't care if it was six pm or three in the morning, if he sensed that one of his own wasn't feeling well, he was here.

It was an admirable trait that Josh never really got over, inducing fascination again and again. Yet, this time, he couldn't give in like he usually did. What could he say?

_"Hey Frank, you know our new student? Tyler Joseph? Well I kind of want to kiss him until he says no more and screw him until he passes out. Cool huh?"_

Most definitely not.

He sighed at the expectant look Frank threw his way, eyes fixed on the ceiling. "It's complicated." And inappropriate.

The door opened in a flourish, Gerard strutting inside, wild red hair blowing with the slight breeze. "Are those love problems I smell coming?" He inquired with a raised brow, smiling shyly at Frank who blushed when he saw him.

Josh wished they would get together already. He rolled his eyes, pouting. "Not love problems."

"Bullshit." Frank shot immediately. "Who is it? Debby? Sarah?" He gasped comically. "Mikey?!"

"Leave my brother out of this." Gerard grumbled, pinching Frank's side and ignoring his yelp of pain. "You can tell us bro we've been friends for what? ten years? Spit it out already."

Josh bite his lips, guilt overflowing from his chest. He was dying to tell them everything about Tyler, craved to explain how much the younger boy affected him and how good he made him felt. 

Nevertheless, he couldn't. Open minded this school was, he doubted relationships between teachers and students were allowed.

"It's a he," He finally blurted out, too full of feelings to not share with his best friends. "He's incredible, like, really. Just being near him drives me insane, I..." Josh breathed, trying to calm his heart who decided it was okay to speed up just by mentioning Tyler. "I care about him. A lot." More than Tyler even knew.

When he received no answers, he brought his eyes back from the ceiling to find them looking at him with big eyes. "What?"

"Dude, jump him already!"

"What the hell?" Josh nearly shrieked, red blooming on his cheeks. Damn it he was a twenty-nine strong independent man, he shouldn't be blushing at the mere mention of sex. But... well... sex with Tyler... it wasnt on the same level.

"You talk about him as if you found heaven on earth!" Gerard chided.

"Go for it." 

Josh shook his head lightly. "It's more complicated than that." 

"What's so complicated about it?" Frank changed position, eyeing his friend in an exasperated fashion. "He doesn't like you back?"

"I ..." Josh's mind flashed back to the way Tyler looked at him, his tendencies to leave chocolate on his desk when he discovered that they were Josh's favorite, the stubborn pout on his face whenever Josh tried to confront him about it. 

The attraction was here, as well as an obvious affection toward the other. But was it more?

Fear gripped at Josh's chest. He hoped with everything in him that the fondness he held for Tyler didn't develop into something more. 

"Josh?"

He brought his gaze back from the white ceiling, meeting Gerard's eye who smiled sweetly at him.

"Life isn't complicated, you know. If you want someone, ask them out, that's all there is to it."

Josh ... felt kind of dumb, right now. He nodded, lost. "I'll think about that." He whispered, though it was evident that he changed mindset during their talk.

Frank and Gerard looked at each other, proud for accomplishing something right.

"Oh and guys? You gave me lovely advices, how about following them?" He grinned cheekily, laughing when he saw them flush at the same time.

"Yeah well you better tell us about this boy that got you crazy Joshy!" Frank yelled at Josh's retreating back.

"Sure sure." He chuckled, closing the door behind him. A sigh escaped his lips as he saw the effects of the sunset on the forest surrounding the school.

It was beautiful, just like Tyler.

_Boy he had it bad._

His mother would be so proud.

 

 

Dallon looked a little uncomfortable. Obviously, in the "I might pop a boner in 3 seconds" way. He was watching Tyler change after all. The younger boy wasn't kidding when he said he didn't give two shits about his body.

Still, Dallon respected him, so he averted his eyes and looked at the modern decorations of the large room.

Halsey wasn't as ashamed. "Give me your body."

Tyler chuckled slightly, shrugging on a tight, black mini skirt flowing teasingly just below his bottom. "You can have it."

"Give me that skirt too one of those days," She whined, rolling on the bed and pushing a reading Declan away. "it makes your ass look fantastic."

"You wouldn't fit in them hoe." Declan grumbled teasingly, jumping away to escape the blue haired girl whole body launch at him. "I mean, he's too small, that's the actual reason!"

Tyler, still shirtless, tapped his chin lightly as he hummed a song only him knew. "I'm still here, and still not small." He paused, a pout forming on his lips when he remembered that pretty much everyone was taller than his 5"1 ass. "I'm just ... vertically challenged."

Declan and Halsey nodded slowly, indulging smiles on their lips. "Whatever makes you happy hun."

He found a cute little red crop top with pretty, black words written on it.

Halsey peered at the shirt from behind him, and broke in a fit of giggles, soon accompanied by a smirking Tyler. "Suck my ass? Really? Where did you even buy this?" She gasped, laughter still evident in her eyes.

"Dunno, some dad gave it to me when I promised to suck his dick." He blinked at their shocked faces, quickly adding something. "Don't worry, he also bought me dinner and gave me a big diamond ring." He beamed, turning around to put the shirt on.

Declan face palmed, Dallon looked like he was gonna faint and Halsey was back at laughing her ass off.

"You'll have to teach me one of these days..."

"You're a lesbian." He pointed out, fishing for his silver earrings and black choker.

"Yeah well you're underage." She shot back, pouting.

"What's your point?" He answered cooly, checking himself out on the mirror, ignoring Dallon's rigid body. He was probably still shocked.

"I give up." She threw her hands in the air.

"Good girl."

She rolled her eyes at him. "You're lucky I like you." He only hummed.

Dallon was still kind of frozen, Declan started to be worried about him. Just started, he had two more chapters to go before he finished his book, then he'd be able to properly worry.

Tyler applied a faint touch of red on his lips, puckering up in a funny pose and laughing with Halsey who did the same. 

"Alrighty children!" He cheered, hands on hips in a very sassy way. "I'm ready to be a slut. I mean, to party." He corrected himself innocently when Dallon's head whipped his way.

"Seriously, Tyler." Dallon held his head, already tired. The smaller boy only planted a kiss on his cheek and brought him in a quick embrace, leaving behind the scent of strawberries, lemons, and a touch of vanilla.

Dallon missed it the moment Tyler went away.

"Oh Dallon, you're awake." Declan blinked curiously up at the man.

"You go back to sleep." Halsey said jokingly, linking her arm with one of Tyler's. She was wearing a cute, black dress that revealed her back, paired with high black boots. 

   Her steps quickened at the same time that Tyler's did, and in a matter of seconds, they were running out of his room, sunny giggles bouncing in the halls and making big smiles appear on the other's residents faces. 

   Things were far from being boring since the small, sassy piece of boy that was Tyler appeared on the second floor of the Star's dorm. He was always ready to prank people at random, pulling on the innocent face when they were even slightly exasperated. 

Obviously, they forgave him in a matter of seconds.

"People need to stop dotting on him like that." Dallon sighed, closing the door behind them and accelerating his steps to join the others.

Declan struggled to follow the fast pace, but when he managed to get back at Dallon's level, he tugged on his jacket. 

"Tyler deserves it." He whispered sadly. Dallon remembered mornings spent in screams and terrors of something unknow, Tyler curling in his arms and mumbling incoherently about _them_ being back.

At this day, he still didn't have more answers about _them_ , or why they made Tyler litteraly black out in terror.

"Yeah ... He does."

 

 

"I thought there wasn't going to be any alcohol." Tyler teased, nursing a red solo cup full of something definitely alcoholic. 

"I thought so too." Dallon groaned, trying to keep an eye at the same time on a wild Halsey absolutely determined to make shots with that Melanie girl.

Brendon strutted his way toward them, looking fabulous as always with a boy and a girl under each arm.

"Hey my main hoes!" He screamed to be heard above the music, a crazy grin on his lips. 

"Beeboo!" Tyler shrieked, waving obnoxiously as if Brendon wasn't litteraly two steps away. "Cool party, love the drinks!" He drank his cup down the last drop on cue, red staining his cheeks seconds after.

"That's awesome! I hope it cheered you up a little, a pretty face like yours should only be smiling." He said softly, eyes shining with sincere care.

Tyler bite his lips, nodding carefully with a shy smile. "Yeah, it did."

Brendon winked, then disappeared in the crowd, screaming something about starting karaoke and Jesus loving him more than anyone in this room.

Dallon and Tyler looked at each other, snorting in synch. "He's probably the biggest sinner here."

Declan popped from under a table, cradling a little bag full of something suspicious in his hands. "Nah Tyler probably is."

"I'm not that much of a slut." Tyler pouted. But he knew his arguments were weak, he was one hell of a tramp. "Ya'll should keep a better eye on Halsey, she's sucking face with that cute girl on the back."

Dallon cursed.

He was such a dad, Tyler thought with a bit of sympathy. He pulled out his best angel face when the taller boy put heavy hands on his shoulders.

"I'm leaving you with Declan, you be good okay? This room is large, there's an even bigger room upstairs, don't get lost alright? And don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Tyler's eyes widened. "Who? Me? I'm innocent!"

"Oh my god you're probably gonna do something crazy." He despaired, turning toward Declan. "You keep an eye on him okay?"

Then, he was gone. Tyler watched him go with a dopey grin, turning toward Declan who looked out of it. "You're high?"

"Yeah." The other boy answered without an ounce of shame, blowing his hair out of his face and falling on the large supposed-to-be white sofa. The lights were red, making everything, well, red. Tyler was starting to doubt every colour he knew except red and black.

He leaned toward his friend. "Tell Dallon you lost me, and I promise I won't say anything about that kiss you shared with Jon." He said cheerily.

Declan glared playfully. "Go away you bitch."

Tyler blew him a kiss.

 

 

"Where are we going?" Tyler asked curiously, a haze on his mind as he was slowly but surely brought upstairs. His body felt weak, it had been a long time since he drank so much, Zack forbidding him everything the month before he changed school.

He hadn't totally promise to behave, right? He could drink until he wasn't thinking straight, right? It was for a good cause, too, he wasn't fooling around to escape reality.

Just ... fooling around to forget he had been rudely rejected by the only man he had truly craved in a long time. No big deal. Drink, forget, fuck. 

His feet caught on something on the ground, yet he only giggled when the floor became dangerously near, for lanky arms caught him and cradled his small body against a chest. 

"Careful honey." A voice whispered hotly in his ear, and Tyler's body was suddenly shook by arrows of fear. Whoever this guy was, Tyler didn't feel like doing the nasty with him, or even breathing the same air as he did.

What was he doing here?

He tried to twist his way out of the strangerr's arms but to his utter horror, his body didn't answer.

  A low chuckle resonated once more against his ear. He shuddered in disgust and fright.

"For all the partying you used to do, you still haven't learnt a thing about not taking drinks from strangers huh ...?"

Now that was creepy. Only Tyler's friends and Josh knew what he used to do back in Ohio.

Panic finally entering his brain, Tyler didn't waste one more second to open his mouth and scream his lungs out, but his voice came out weak, a breathy little thing he barely heard.

_No no no-_

"And who might you be?" That voice. Oh god Tyler was going to cry in happiness. The man that was holding him suddenly darted away, knocking a probably expensive vase on his quick escape and letting Tyler fall weakly on his knees.

He didn't even try to hold on his tears as Josh scooped him up carefully and cradled him on his chest. "Ty baby please don't cry I'm here."

Tyler only cried harder, fists clenching on Josh's shirt while a blundering mess of apologies came out of his mouth. "I'm sorry I'm sorry i'msosorry Josh-" He cried in harsh, nearly inaudible breaths, holding on tight into the older man.

Josh shushed him gently, rocking his small trembling body like one would to a child, and Tyler didn't protest on being treated like a kid this time around-

He felt so small.

"You have nothing to apologize about angel, it wasn't your fault." Josh's reassuring voice seemed to resonate on his chest, where Tyler head was tucked lovingly.

Josh entered one of the adjacent rooms, informing him in a little whisper that he was locking the door so that nobody woud barge on them. Tyler managed to give his consent to this, the drug on his body still too high for him to talk like he usually did.

"Josh oh Josh," He breathed, sitting on the man's lap and squeezing him tightly, revealing in the gentle but firm hold on his waist. "It was my fault, I wanted to forget everything for the night and I wasn't careful like you told me to be and I was so so irresponsible I probably would have deserved what was going to happen-" He didn't manage to finish his rant, voice gone and tears tumbling in cascade on his blotched red face. 

Josh shook frantically his head, taking his face in his warm hands so that their eyes met. 

"No, no. You would never deserve this kind of thing, no one deserves to be fucking _raped_ by some psycho Tyler. No one." He seemed to be trying to contain his anger, his rage- it was evident in the way his hands and body were trembling, in the way his voice broke here and there.

Tyler never answered, falling asleep slowly as the drug finally took over his consciousness.


	8. submit

This morning, Tyler didn't wake up in tears and screams of terror. He woke up with a familiar scent of everything that was fresh and nature, on a comfortable chest and with a heavy arm thrown around his waist.

He took a little bit of time to bathe in the feeling of waking up in Josh's arms. He took even more time to remember why exactly he was in this sittuation.

It was probably the silent insults toward his own self that woke up Josh. Who would still be able to sleep, when the other person in their bed seemed to drown in self hartred?

"Not your fault, angel." He said, voice rough and drowsy, the other hand that was holding Tyler tight to his chest coming up to ruffle his brown curls gently. "You couldn't know."

Tyler didn't answers immediately. He was still pretty damn angry at himself, and also very very much scared when he remembered the stranger from the night before.

"He was familiar Josh," He started quietly, voice broken yet still managing to hold this beauty that had Josh ready to throw himself in front of a bus for this boy. "It was as if I already met him, he definitely knew about me and my past. But everything is so blurry..."

The arms around him tightened, Tyler's body being pretty much flushed in all parts to Josh's, he could hear his heartbeats, his breathing, his everything.

"Do you remember what you told me yesterday? In the classroom?"

Tyler nodded, hesitant little gesture that had a smile blooming on Josh's face. "Josh I didn't-"

"No, no, hush up buttercup." The pet name tumbles from his lips in a natural course. Tyler would be lying if he said that it didn't accelerate his heartbeats. "You were right, I should be telling you everything. I should be trying to make us work, and not sabotage whatever we have."

Tyler was speechless, eyes wide open and respiration pretty much stopped. "You mean that?" He asked, uncertain by the trembling in his voice, scenarios already dancing behind his eyelids. "You want us to happen?"

Josh caressed his chin up, smile so full of adoration that Tyler was kind of ready to jump from the tenth floor. "I do, angel."

He rolled them around, body on top of Tyler's with only his hands to stop himself from crushing the younger boy.  They're breathing the same air right now, and Josh was probably a sneaky little man because he smelled like he just brushed his teeth.

Tyler playfully pushed a hand on his chest, turning his face away. "Planned this didn't you Mr. Dun?"

It was meant to be playful, really. But their legs and lower half were flushed together, so Tyler could definitely feel Josh's cock twitch against his thigh and the groan that came out of his mouth.

Tyler's lips made a little "o". He laughed lightly at Josh's embarrassed expression. "Is that why you always get angry when I call you that?" His voice went from playful innocent to a low sultry, hands roaming Josh's strong chest. "It turns you on Mr. Dun?"

"Fuck yeah." Josh answered in a groan, unable to keep himself from grounding his hips on Tyler's thigh, hands clenching the sheets beside the younger boy's head. "It always gets me hot and bothered, you don't know how many times I dreamt this situation." He admitted in a breath, cheeks flushed and lips bitten.

It never ceased to amaze Tyler, this side of Josh. He would get suddenly dominant and pretty salacious, then his usual gentle personality would come back. The one full of straight morals that made him shy away from fucking Tyler into this mattress right now.

It's cute, but Tyler wasn't having it.

"Say, Mr. Dun," He whispered in Josh's ear, smirking at the way it gets the older man trembling and his hips rutting a little bit harder against Tyler's thigh. "Wanna show me explicitly how bad you wanted me?"

Josh breathed harshly against his neck, all hot and heavy, it made Tyler's body tingle here and there until he was close to burning.

"Baby that's a bad idea-" Josh sucked in a harsh breath when Tyler nimbled on his ear, hands active as they sneaked under Josh's shirt. "Don't you want to know everything first?" 

"Nope." Tyler answered easily, tugging at Josh's shirt until the man conceded and straightened to take his top off. "I've been wanting that dick in me for a month, I'm not waiting one more minute." He finished, way more confident than he felt inside.

It was like a switch had been turned on. Josh's eyes were _dark dark dark_ and wow, Tyler never realised how big Josh actually was.

He felt suddenly kind of small, but he didn't let his shyness slip on his face. Though Josh must know, he smirked devilishly and grabbed Tyler's hips possessively, fingers playing with the hem of the black skirt.

"You sure about yourself?" Josh whispered, tugging at Tyler's skirt roughly while never breaking eye contact. He looked like he was way too far gone to stop, everything in him seemed to be ready at any minute to pounce on Tyler and devour him. 

But Tyler trusted him. He trusted that man above him, for he may conveys the impression of totally dominating the boy underneath him, Tyler knew that he would stop everything if he even felt that his partner was reluctant.

So with a slow, devious smirk that had Josh's insides catch fire, Tyler slowly spread his legs obscenely, ruby lips caught between his teeth. "You go on mister," He murmured in a hushed tone. "Bruise me."

And that's it, really, before Josh is all over him and Tyler's moans are engulfed between their kisses. It's fast and oh so sexual, as if they knew each other's body from another life, movements far from being awkward and desire running wild.

Tyler's hands were roaming Josh's back, gripping his shoulders and probably leaving red lines because of how intense he was holding him. But he couldn't help it, it was already too much, Josh kissed him like it was the last thing he was going to do and his tongue was making things to Tyler. He turned away, overflowing with desire and eagerness but Josh chased him and fuck, Tyler was so gone.

"You look so pretty under me baby," Josh sighed, in awe, hands kneading violently Tyler's ass and grunting in pleasure at the soft flesh under his hands. "I wanna do so much bad things to you..."

Tyler nodded in a frenzy, hair already starting to stick on his face thanks to how hot Josh was making him feel. He wanted to say something, but Josh either kissed the breath out of him or sucked so harshly against his neck that Tyler's eyes rolled back in his head.

 _"Pleaepleaseplease_ I, Josh," He babbled incoherently, hips rocking against Josh's and oh god the older man was already so hard, large manhood pressed like an insistent rock against the naked flesh of Tyler's thigh.

He's sensitive there, so so really sensitive that he cried out a little when Josh rubbed this spot insistently, whispering sweet and dirty things against Tyler's neck. "That's hot baby, you're gonna moan for me more? Spread your legs like a little slut and let me make you feel good?"

He's grinning, Tyler can feel the stretch of his lips in a smile that he's already so familiar with. And Tyler wanted to hit him for this, because he was unbelievably heated all over, getting fucking hard and Josh shouldn't be smiling. "F-fucker-ah!"

"I'm gonna do you fast and hard darling," Josh's callous hands were harsh against the smooth flesh of Tyler's inner thighs as he gripped them, Tyler wanted to cry. "Gonna make you feel so good love." 

His voice was liquid sex, hot and heavy, music that got Tyler whining and throwing is head at the side, he was never so sensitive when it came to dirty talk but oh Josh's voice was so full of adoration, every kiss against his skin felt like he was being worshipped.

Tyler rocked his hips upward, smirking when it ripped a groan out of Josh. "Hurry up and fuck me already, old man." He said in a teasing tone, lust dancing in his eyes as he took on the older's man broad frame. 

Josh smiled a little, holding Tyler's delicate head and planting a loving kiss on his forehead. It's funny, because Tyler can feel his throbbing cock against his thigh. "Patience, little one." He tutted as he grabbed a condom and some lube on the bed table. "Or I'm gonna fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for the next week."

That made Tyler shut up. He was going to ask if Josh had prepared all of this, but he supposed he was gonna behave. For now. 

But they're still not naked. Josh's shirt was off, Tyler's skirt discarded to expose more of his skin for Josh to grab greedily, and that was it. 

Josh stopped to admire how fucked out Tyler was already. And boy, he wasn't disappointed. Breath coming in soft huff, there're tears brimming in the corner of his lovely eyes, his skin was deliciously flushed from his forehead to his neck, lovely darker flowers at his cheeks and lips _redredred_ and hey, Josh kinda wanted to put his dick between them -

"Josh," Tyler called, a touch of nervousness in the way his voice shook and the slight tremble in his legs. Josh was nervous, too.

He was nervous when he spread Tyler's legs and crawled in between them. Still nervous when Tyler let out a playful giggle and tugged him down for a soft kiss.

Josh melted into it, warmth spreading in his chest and bursting with indescribable affection for the small boy under him. His fingers caressed softly the soft, red skin of Tyler's cheek, revealing in his soft, delicate noises of pleasure. 

He smelt as good as he did the first time they saw each other, as good as when they met for the second time in the classroom and he passed him hurriedly, leaving behind a mix of strawberries, spices and subtile aromas of vanilla.

"I've been craving you, so so much." Tyler said in a breath, long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he intertwined his fingers behind Josh's neck. He felt the short hairs with his nails, took Josh's lips between his lips and smiled at the deepening of his breath. "Let's do this, please." His voice was mousy quiet, lacking his earlier confidence.

Josh didn't nod, but the hesitant brush of his fingers that moved up alongside Tyler's thighs were answers enough. He rubbed slowly the red lace of Tyler's panties, cheeks warm and cock throbbing in his tight pants. Tyler moaning softly gave him a rush of confidence, and slowly, he was taking off the lingerie and dragging it with near veneration down Tyler's hips until they lay at their feet.

It's not cold in the room, it's never cold in this island, but Tyler still shivered as he layed naked for Josh to see, the silk sheets were making him squirm in embarassement - or maybe it was the way Josh watched him hungrily.

"You're gorgeous." Josh said leisurely as he kissed and nipped and frickin sucked every inch of skin on Tyler's skin, fervently, fiercely, as if the tan expense of the younger boy's skin was the last food on earth and Josh was a famished man.

Tyler writhed underneath him, body afloat and burning here and there where Josh marked him. "I wanna..." He started, voice small, never completing his sentence as he pushed slightly at Josh's chest, gaining the other's man attention.

"What is it that you need, doll?" Tyler tried to not express how giddy the pet name made him, he failed but that's okay, he was way to busy with Josh's skinny jeans.

"Off," He pouted, cheeks puffed out endearingly.

And Josh obeyed, he could only obey for he was crazy for that boy, thirsting for every touch and burning with desire. He fumbled a little with his zipper, probably because he was too busy kissing Tyler senseless and relishing in each of his moans. His pants and boxers are finally discarded, and Tyler welcomed Josh once more between his legs with languid movements. He didn't dare to look down, he was strangely embarrassed, eyes unable to leave the older's man face.

Josh was less nervous now, his heartbeats were still quite wild because he knew what was going to happen, but he felt more adventurous, hand grazing Tyler's hard member and drinking in his lover's expression. Tyler bite his lips, dragging Josh down until the man is nearly crushing him, hands lost in red curls and fingers massaging his scalp. There was a little smile on his lips as he did this, because Josh always let out happy noises. 

Tyler took in a deep breath. he felt ready, he had been ready the moment he layed his eyes on Josh, but he wasn't going to feed the man's ego. "C'mon Mr. Dun." He whispered, smirk growing wide when he felt just how hard Josh's cock was. "I want you inside-"

Josh cut him off with a rough kiss. His hands were already reaching for the lube, the other one taking Tyler's hard member in his hand and grinning at Tyler's thrown out expression.

He didn't waste anymore time, nearly drowning his hand in lube. Tyler had no idea know of the things that nickname did to him. The way he said it made his head spin, and dick twitch. He was kind of proud of himself for not coming the moment he saw Tyler naked, that petite and curvy body  sprawled under him, nearly invisible below Josh's large frame. 

He circled the tight ring of muscle, restraining himself to not groan as he felt his cock pulsate between his legs. He was so fucking hard for that boy, it was begenning to feel painful.

Tyler wiggled against Josh's hold. But he stopped dead in his tracks when Josh entered his middle finger in him, clenching in excitement and making the older man moan.

"Babe relax," Josh panted, palming his own cock with his hand as the boy's heat clenched against his finger.

Tyler nodded shakily. He let out a small breath as his body jostled one more time. Josh was moving his finger in circle, sticky finger entering and stretching the boy slowly as he pumped his own cock. 

"T-that feels so good Josh." Tyler panted, gripping the white sheets even though he just yearned to grasp his lover's muscular shoulders.

Josh seemed to sense his inner turmoil, bending down to let the boy grip him fervently as he added a second finger.

Tyler twisted in his hold, little sultry sounds going straight to Josh's already hard cock and pushing him to bite his lips harder. "I want you so bad," He groaned in his ear, pumping his fingers in and out of the boy roughly.

"T-then," Tyler choked on his words, thighs trembling as his nails dug in Josh's flesh. "Giv-give it to m-e Josh." He felt wet all over even though he was a goddman boy, the slick substance of the lube falling lewdly out of his ass.

Josh seemed to be entranced by the image, groaning as he added a third finger and drove them in the tight heat. Tyler was near on crying now, letting out obscene noises and driving Josh wild enough for him to swiftly take out his fingers. He kissed his boy's abused lips, before slowly circling his cock around the tight hole, hissing in pleasure at the contact.

Tyler finally looked down, only to choke once more and hurriedly push his hands on Josh's shoulders, snapping the other man out of his lust-induced daze. "Huh... that's going in me?" He squeaked out, cheeks aflame as he pointed at the hard member at his entrance.

Josh smirked darkly. "Yeah babe," He growled softly, pushing slowly so only the tip was in and reaping a sultry moan from his boy. "You scared?" He was full on torturing him. Though he wouldn't be able to hold back longer, his self-control on the verge of breaking.

"N-not at all... bring it on." Tyler's voice grew higher at the end, but he brought Josh harshly against him, way too turned on to wonder how this was going to fit. He wanted this, he had been waiting for too long.

"Fuck" Josh groaned, entering languidly the tight ring of muscle and feeling the heat encase him from all over. "You're so tight doll." 

Tyler giggled weakly, toes curling on the sheets as he tried to adjust. "Y-you're cool too." He murmured sassily, making the man above him laugh. Yeah, sex with humour was the best. Especially when his beloved teacher Joshua Dun was balls deep inside him.

"Can you feel it baby?" Josh bite Tyler's ear softly, moving his hips before snapping them and entering the boy in a harsh thrust. "I have my cock in your right little ass." He whispered the dirty words, drinking in the broken moans from his lover.

The obscene noise of skin slapping against skin made Tyler's head swims, grabbing Josh's back to not let himself get tossed from the rough thrusts. He spread his legs wider as Josh's pace accelerated, fucking into the wet heat of tyler's ass and groaning in his ear. 

Josh grabbed the headboard, not noticing as the bed shook from his harsh thrusts, eyes only focused heatedly on the tears streaming on Tyler's cheeks.

"So good Josh," Tyler cried, tossing his head on the side as he screamed in pleasure, bucking his hips up to meet Josh's nearly violent onslaughts. Josh grinned, red hair matted by sweat and glorious body fucking glistening and oh, Tyler could totally feel himself leak precum at the sight. This man his lover looked like a god right now, strong body watching him from above and pounding relentlessly until he hit something in Tyler that made him scream in pleasure.

"There-there yes! Oh Joshpleaseease" He sobbed, arching his body languidely.

"Looking so hot angel," Josh growled, pinning the boy down and fucking into him roughly. "'n all mine." He only pounded his boy harder, loving how small he looked under him and getting off on that.

He snaked a hand between their body as he felt his release coming, before he leaned in for a kiss, swallowing Tyler's loud moans. 

Tyler couldn't fucking remember his name for the life of him, the only things in his head being the rough thrusts of Josh -in out, yeah you like that baby? god your tight ass is sucking me in - and the rapid pace of his hand as he jerked him off.

He could only hear Josh's groans, as his movements became more erratic before he stilled, it was a low sensual "Tyler" growled hotly as Josh came. He was still thrusting and hitting that fucking bundle of nerves deep down in Tyler as he slowed down, breath erratic and eyes blew wide as he watched Tyler come.

It was hands down the most erotic thing he had ever seen, his expression was downright obscene, bitten and puffed red lips parted and those long eyelashes fluttering on his redredred cheeks. He leaned down to lap the tears off his face, feeling the boy's sticky cum on his hand.

He rolled at Tyler's side, looking at the ceiling with wide eyes, still breathless. "Wow."

Tyler hummed softly, ignoring the sticky mess beween his legs and cuddling on his man's side. "You wrecked me," He said in a broken voice, purple bruises already starting to appear all over his body. "and I loved every second of it."

Josh huffed out a laugh, chest bursting with a foreign emotion as he looked at the sleepy boy. He kissed him softly, laughing when the boy swatted him and cuddled deeper in his arms.

He pulled the sheets over them, watching silently as Tyler blacked out a second later.

__

I just fucked my student. And I'm willing to do it again and again, what the hell?


	9. rest

  When he woke up, the first thing Tyler saw was a chest. A hard chest. A pale, muscular, hard chest. His hands were sprawled on it and arms were tightened securely around the small of his waist.

He craned his head upward, dazed smile brightening his face when he saw who he was with. It was the second time he woke up in the same bed as Josh. It would be a lie to say that he wasn't a bit addicted.

Slowly, he turned around in the warm hold, eyes staring in the distance at the the victorian window that jumped in his peripheral vision. It was a large and tall thing, easily occupying three quarter of the wall. Tyler gasped softly at the small pieces of scenery he could detect.

Movements ruffling the sheets alerted him easily that Josh was waking up, though the tightening of the grip around his waist and the hot breath on his neck, were much more lovely signs.

"D'you sleep well?" Josh's voice was husky, a pleasing mix of gravelly and croaky that had Tyler sigh happily. His hands joined Josh's around his waist, nodding slowly as he knew Josh would see the movement.

"It was the best sleep I had in a long time." He said, sincerity and emotion thick in his voice. For it really was. His nights were usually plagued by nightmares and screams of terrors to the point where he, once in a while, resorted to pills just to be able to enjoy a blank night.

Josh turned him around easily, cradling his boy's cheeks to lay a soft kiss on his lips. "I'm glad, then."

Tyler hummed softly. "Can we go on the balcony?" He said, unexpectedly shy. Josh nodded fondly, scooping the boy in his arms with no effort and laughing at his surprised squeak. "Josh, I can walk!"

"Believe me, you can't." Josh sang, gloriously cocky as he puffed his chest. Tyler rolled his eyes. Though his false annoyance was quickly washed away when Josh opened the windows.

It was even more beautiful than the sneak peek he got while he was still in bed. Bushes of red flowers crowded the back of the balcony, creating some sort of path for the vast view of greenery to be even more great. The ocean seemed to be just within their wish, so Tyler couldn't help himself to reach forward and ty to grab it, blushing when Josh laughed amusedly.

"It's beautiful." Tyler said, wonder in his voice as he bit his lips and stared at the picture perfect sight in wonder.

"It really is." Josh answered, eyes on Tyler.

The younger boy didn't detach his gaze from the scenery, until eventually, minutes later, he looked up at Josh and found him staring at him. A blush painted his face.

"You sap," He huffed, slapping the man's chest lightly.

Josh kept staring, a fond smile on his lips. "You really are beautiful, Tyler."

The younger boy groaned, turning away from Josh. Though his eyes were alight with happiness, as Josh placed a kiss on his neck.

"What now?" Tyler asked after a moment of silence, where they just basked in the sun and got lost in their thoughts.

Thoughts about each other, obviously.

Josh turned him around, linking Tyler's legs around his waist. "We make it work." He looked at him straight in the eyes, seriousness dropping from his words. 

Honestly, Tyler hadn't expected this. 

The surprise must have been clear in his face, for Josh continued,  lips set in a hard line.

"I don't want to force you into anything Tyler, but I really care about you." He breathed, eyes alight. "Though if you decide that we should stop here then I won't say anything-"

"I do!" Tyler interrupted him without missing a beat, panicked. "I really really want to be with you, believe me, I'm the first one surprised about it." He added, biting his lips.

Josh laughed, relief obvious in his voice. Had he really thought that he would be rejected? It was an unfathomable thought to Tyler. "I'm glad," He said, face pink. "You usually don't do relationships. Much less with a teacher."

"How much did Zack told you about me?" Tyler gasped, heartbeats picking up. "Because I swear this is getting creepy, I barely know anything about you yet you seem to have my life printed in your mind."

Josh shrugged, looking apologetic. "What can I say? You are a fascinating individual, Tyler Joseph, and I cannot wait to unravel you completely." His voice was husky, earning a delicious shiver from the younger boy.

"Hey ... you up for another round?" Tyler asked with a sweet smile, caressing Josh's chest delicately. The older man wanted to tell him no, considering they have a lot to talk about if they don't want this relationship to turn into a mess. He wanted to hell him no, because Tyler's friends were probably worried and Frank and Gerard as well as the other teachers he ditched must be wondering what he was up to. He wanted to tell him no for they've been fucking for the majority of the morning, lost in a world that only consisted of kisses, cherry lips and the sounds of a bed nearly breaking seeing as Josh was a savage and rough lover.

(Tyler loved it.)

  His cock twitched, deciding to disagree with his decision, because Tyler was really hot and Josh had been craving this angel for a month now, non stop.

"Tyler ..."

"I was kidding!" The small boy bursted into fits of laughters, throwing his arms around Josh's chest and relishing in his strong hold. "Don't wanna tire you out old man."

"You little-"

The windows were closed and they were rolling in the bed in no time, laughter resonating in the grand bedroom and putting glimmering crystals on the red of the walls. It was playful yet intimate, small gestures that arised beautiful smiles on their faces and  flustered red on their cheeks.

"Are we going to spend the day here?" Tyler asked with curious eyes as he finally stopped laughing, head turned toward the ceiling. He didn't know how much time had passed, his phone was still downstairs with-

Oh.

Josh was going to answer, though the words he wanted to say disappeared when he saw how panicked his young lover was. "What's wrong?"

Tyler tried to sit up, only to fall back when a killer pain throbbed in his lower back. He gave Josh a shocked stare. "I can't stand up." He voiced, astonishment clear in his words as he fell back against the soft pillows. "I knew we went at it quite hard but wow."

Josh seemed strangely proud, which Tyler would have hit him for, but was way too shocked to move. His shock transformed into mock anger, slapping Josh's chest lightly and gaining a booming laugh from the older man. 

"You're lucky I can't get pregnant."

Josh sighed sadly. "It would have been hot."

Tyler grimaced. "No... just, no."

He crawled painfully in Josh's lap, planting a kiss on his jaw and taking in his scent. It never stopped to be comforting. "I love the way you smell." He said tiredly, shrugging his arms around Josh's shoulder as the older man splayed loving kisses on his already marked neck.

Josh hummed gently, rocking the boy in a pleased manner. It seemed surreal, but here he was, naked in silk sheets with the most beautiful boy he had ever seen, sprawled on his lap.

He had to bite his lips to refrain from saying the "I love you" that wanted to escape his lips, because surely, he didn't have such strong feelings for te boy right?

"Do you want me to tell you everything now? Last time I tried I've been... pleasantly interrupted." He said in a chuckle, smile growing bigger when he felt the vibrations of Tyler's bell-like laugh.

"One hell of an interruption, if I do say so myself." Tyler answered with a shrug, fingers dancing on his lover's back. He didn't expect Josh to shiver instantly, exhaling a deep breath the second after. 

"You have too much power over me, it's actually quite scary." Josh confessed, leaning back to put his hands on Tyler's hips. The younger boy grinned, wiggling a little to put his ass just over Josh's crotch, breath hitching when he saw that the man's cock was half hard.

Josh bucked his hips up, the both of them moaning at the lovely friction it created. "I think," Tyler gasped, nails digging in Josh's shoulder as he gave the man a sultry stare. "I think your explanations can wait a little more."

He laughed at the low growl that escaped Josh's mouth. He wasn't laughing, when Josh threw him down the second after and hitched his legs on his shoulders to pound into him relentlessly.

 

 

"Thank you so much for this, Mr. Dun." 

Tyler hid a laugh on Josh's right shoulder. It definitely wasn't the right moment, Halsey and Dallon looked seriously worried.

But he couldn't help himself, his small body shook with his restrained laughter. If only they knew how well Josh took care of him.

"It wasn't a problem, really." Josh replied with a tight smile, poking discreetly Tyler's side so he wouldn't get them caught.

"No, really, who knows what would have happened if you weren't here? Some creep could have tried to take advantage of him!" Dallon sighed. He looked dishelved, hair awry and bags under his eyes. Halsey didn't look better.

Tyler felt the guilt slowly but surely take over his body. "You guys ..." He whispered meekly, small hands twisting in the fabric of Josh's shirt.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow, get some rest okay?" Halsey smiled weakly, dragging a reluctant Dallon out of the room.

Josh held Tyler securely with one arm as he closed the door behind the two departing teenagers, locking it at the same tight.

"They don't suspect anything," He said, voice strangely unreadable, sitting on the large bed with Tyler on his lap. "I feel-"

"Shut up," Tyler stopped him mild-sentence, taking Josh's face between his hands. He caressed the subtle on his jaw tenderly, a frown on his pouty red lips. "We were two consenting dudes while we did things. You didnt force yourself on me, I don't regret shit." His voice was harsh, but Josh knew that underneath this, the small boy was trying to comfort him.

Josh smiled tenderly, taking the sun-kissed hands and planting a kiss on each fingers. Tyler blushed, a pleased smile on his face. "I don't regret it either." Josh confessed.

"Perfect." Tyler yawned, head falling lazily on Josh's chest. It was so comfortable, who knew hard muscles could be comfortable? 

"I still have to explain some stuffs to you though." Josh sighed, shuffling backward on the bed as he discarded his shoes and Tyler's. "Everything will make more sense."

"Yeah..." Tyler blinked sleepily, black spots dancing behind his eyelids. "You do..." He whispered, closing his eyes.

"Guess I was too hard on you." Josh chuckled lowly, ruffling his hair tenderly.

"I heard that." Tyler muttered, eyes half-kissed before he closed them once more. "The harder the better, though."

"Not if your tiny body can't handle it, angel."

"'m not tiny..."

"Tyler?"

The younger boy didn't answer, out like a light. Josh sighed and stood up to tuck him under the blankets, possessive light dancing in his eyes when he saw how much marks he left on the boy.

"Falling asleep on me like that... you really don't know the things you do to me, do you?"

He kissed his forehead tenderly.

One of them was asleep, the other was entranced by the sleeping beauty ... none of them were aware of the eyes behind the window.


	10. game

  Dallon and Halsey both blinked when Tyler's room opened in a flourish. The tiny boy came out with a spring in his steps, closing the door behind him with a blinding smile. His clothes were much more ... tame, that they've been for the last month. 

He was wearing a three times too big for him cute-as-hell pink sweater, that swallowed his frame and made his hands dissapear under his sweater paws. The black bralette he had under was purposefully visible, going perfectly with the black choker around his thin, tanned throat. When he cocked his hips on the side, his baby blue ripped jeans hugged his curvy hips, small frets adorned with chunky white platform boots.

He looked stunning, in an innocent and totally adorable way.

"Okay, wow." Halsey said, awe evident in her voice. Though her eyes quickly snapped to the numerous hickeys on his collarbones and throat, and she nearly shrieked. _"Wow!"_

"What's up hoes?" Tyler said, expression cheeky as he sashayed his way between the two of them. He blinked up at Dallon, snapping his fingers. "You okay there Dally?"

"I-uh, just, what the heck?" He sputtered, unable to come with anything else.

Tyler laughed gently, linking his arms with the both of them as they started walking toward their little spot behind the school. They had decided, after the first week, that there was too much drama in the cafeteria for them to eat in peace and be themselves.

(There were also rudely interrupted every minute because some dudes took their opportunity to try and flirt with Tyler. Dallon wasn't pleased.)

"Okay, what happened last night? And the day after for that matter?" Dallon finally asked once he was out of his daze. Halsey nodded immediately after, quite interested herself- if not a bit worried.

She had been scared that something had happened when she woke up with the whole gang in a state of panic, screaming about a missing Tyler and running around like headless chicken. Declan had been the worst, blaming himself for letting the boy run wild when they knew he had bad history with parties. Though they'd been quick to reassure him, the teen still wanted to apologize directly to Tyler.

Yet, looking at their "missing" friend, she thought he looked way better than he did in the last week. No, since he arrived in the school for that matter.

Tyler hummed, letting the slight breeze run through his chocolate curls peacefully. It was strange, but he seemed to be discovering everything for the first time. How clear the buildings looked, how incredibly blue the sky was, no clouds in the horizon, only exoctic birds flying here and there.

He took a big gulp of the fresh air, surrounding himself with the smell of the flowers and the greenery all around. He beamed up at them, and frankly, it was the best look that had ever graced his face yet. 

"Something incredible, guys." He was nearly bursting with happiness, big grin creating dimples in his pink cheeks. "One of the best thing that ever happened to me, honestly." 

And it was so fucking true, he realised. Josh ... Josh was already making him feel better just by existing. Now, the two of them in a relationship? It was making him feel both anxious and elated in happiness, he had something to look forward to, someone _special_ to hold dearly in his heart and his arms. 

Moreover, it was Josh. He just wanted to scream in happiness.

Halsey and Dallon looked at him curiously. There was no denying his words, his happiness nearly bursting through every piece of him. They looked at each other.

"That something being...?" Dallon probed, navigating the three of them toward their destination, as Tyler was lost in the clouds and Halsey was squinting suspiciously at their smaller friend.

"It's a secret." Tyler said with a smirk, dropping their arms and taking some steps as he turned around and walked backward. "But I promise you, while the beginning of the party wasn't very, uh, good," He gulped the ball of fear that lodged itself in his throat when he remembered that a creep nearly raped him. "Something great happened afterward, and made me feel good. Really good."

Halsey let out an amused breath, relief making her relax instantly. Though she grinned evilly just after that. Tyler wasn't even able to take one more step, for she was already in his personal space and holding his waist with one arm as she inspected his neck attentively. "You just got laid, didn't you?" She ignored his flailing and tugged slightly at his pink sweater to inspect more of his collarbones. "Jesus, the guy who screwed you was wild."

Tyler snorted, batting her hands away only to be crowed by a miffed Dallon. He ignored the pang in his heart at Dallon's sullen expression. He liked the guy, really, even loved him to a certain degree. But just like he explained to Halsey... he needed a special man in his life. One that could handle him, all of him.

"Don't make a big deal out of it." He huffed, though there was no real anger in his voice. He was way too happy to be angry today. And he was gonna see Josh in fourth period.

_What a time to be alive._

He pumped his fist in the air, totally dumping them as he caught sight of the rest of their friends. Halsey watched him go with a smile, snickering a little to herself when they all pulled Tyler in a group hug, expressing their worry in different ways. Brendon's one was very peculiar, but she stopped wondering about him long ago.

She smiled sadly, though, as she caught Dallon's dark expression. "Hey, it was probably just a one night stand. You know Tyler, he doesn't do relationships. Don't be weak, weekes."

He rolled his eyes, pulling her in a headlock and smirking when she let out a high pitched sound in protest. "Yeah, thanks Hals."

 

 

"Tyler, I _swear_." Josh grumbled, trying to ignore the boy but failing miserably. Tyler gave him in an innocent smile, batting those sinfully long eyes.

"What's wrong Mr. Dun?" 

His voice was light, eyes fixed on his papers, the perfect picture of an innocent student. But well, under his large desk, Tyler was running manicured fingers up Josh's inner thigh, grazing his cock furtively and grinning when the older man's breath hitched.

"You are shameless," He whispered moving the petite hand away as Tyler pouted, glancing briefly at his chattering classemates dispersed in their theatre room. 

They had finished studying Wuthering Heights three days ago, though Tyler wasn't actually here to witness it. He had been too busy avoiding Josh, getting the assignements from Declan and Jon, and getting away with skipping this class by being a seducing minx.

(Which he was never ever going to tell Josh. Nope.)

Getting up and deciding simply to sit behind the large estrade would have been usually quite weird. But using the fact that he missed some classes totally blew away any suspicions. They were all reading and chatting about the original book they were going to play for the following month, too excited this time around to bother Josh.

By all means, Tyler had jumped on the occasion to flirt to his heart content with Josh.

The older man begged to differ, muttering something about inappropriate touches and sexual harassment. Tyler had ignored him.

"I wanna touch you." Tyler said lightly, sprawled on the large desk with his face held cutely between his manicured hands.

Josh nearly face planted. "Where's your chill?"

"In your dick." Tyler whispered back, pastel pink nails glittering in the afternoon sun.

"Oh god can you not?" Josh's face was red, hiding it behind one hand while he tried to grade his papers with the others. It was difficult to do so, for Tyler was really distracting.

"Sure sure." Tyler answered, going back to his own paper with no more fuss, little legs kicking thin air as his two feet didn't touch the ground. 

It was incredibly adorable, and Josh wondered how the boy could go from being hot and sexy to a tiny bundle of everything that was cute.

Twenty one minutes passed, and they didn't exchange more than little fond and teasing glances, lulled by the birds that could be heard singing from the great windows and the small talks exchanged between the students.

"Hey Josh?" Tyler asked in a hushed voice, leaning down on his comfy chair as he looked in the distant with wide, wondering eyes.

"What is it doll?" The pet name slipped without him knowing, as if he had called the boy like that so much it became natural.

Tyler let it go, though he was quite pleased internally. "Do you like mangos?" He inquired, playing with his pen.

"Huh, yeah? Why?" Josh asked, suspicious. Tyler was being too innocent for it to be true. 

"'cuz I'm also hot and juicy and there needs to be something hard in me." He breathed, biting his lips.

"Jesus. You need Jesus." Josh wheezed, head hitting his desk. Tyler explauded silently into laughter, shoulders shaking slightly.

 

 

Later that day, after Tyler basked silently in the numerous praises he received for his outfit and wild attitude at the party - which he had no memories of, mind you - he slipped quietly in one of the private office, finding Josh already here.

He went and sat softly beside the man, obviously without forgetting to lock the door.

You know... for precaution... in case something happened.

Josh draped an arm around his shoulder and sighed tiredly, as if the discussion that was going to happen wouldn't be pleasing. 

And, it wasn't really. Tyler wondered if Josh would stop being anxious when he'll be legal and out of school. Probably not, he would still stress about their age difference.

"Those amazing feelings that we share, they're here because, well, because we got out of here and did stuffs?" He said in a small voice, peering up at Josh nervously. He didn't knew how to express whatever he was feeling, for it never happened before. But even with his restrained knowledge in this topic, he realized that nothing would have happened if they didn't act on their feelings.

Whatever those feelings were.

Anxiety started eating away at his stomach the more Josh stayed silent, but it all evaporated in thin air when the older man dragged him easily on his lapq and brought their lips together in a passionate kiss. Tyler relaxed, closing his eyes softly and losing himself in the play of their tongues and the burning sensation of their lips against each other.

It was such a special thing, a kiss, Tyler couldn't believe how much he disregarded that action before. It was so easy, yet so intimate. It became more than a contact if two lips if it was shared with a person that mattered. Tyler could feel Josh's answers, his thoughts and his intentions in the way he gripped his jaw and kissed him like no tomorrow.

Josh was a strange mix of soft-rough kisser, for he was gentle as a person but never hesitated to show how much he felt for his partner in all of his actions.

It was so so important, something that Tyler never knew he needed until he experienced it first hand.

He didn't knew how much time had passed during their make out session, all he could concentrate on was the feeling of sitting comfortably on Josh's strong thighs, his big and callous hands on his hips under his large sweater, and everything exchanged as they kissed- _again and again._

When they finally stopped, looking at each other in silence and talking with their gazes, Tyler knew Josh had something important to say.

He looked anxious, making Tyler's chest tighten. Josh's hands stroked his sides repeatedly, something he did when he was looking for the right words or lost in thoughts.

It made Tyler's heart burst with happiness to realize how much he was starting to know that man, his man.

"I want to protect you with everything I have," Josh started slowly. "In the beginning, I thought keeping everything from you would make things go better."

"We know how that went..." Tyler murmured, yelping when Josh pinched him.

"Don't interrupt me." He said with a stern glare. The younger boy nodded, flustered. That was kind of hot, sue him. "But you're much more in danger when you're kept in the dark... like the accident from the party." He breathed out, shuffling a bit.

Tyler's heart dropped. He knew he wouldn't like whatever Josh was going to say.


	11. tension

"Okay so, here we go." Josh took in a deep breath. His hold was still tight on Tyler's hips, becoming painful. Tyler didn't say anything. He waited. "I knew your parents."

They both froze at the same time, one wondering how the hell he got that out so brutally and another one unable to believe that he just heard those words. Tyler briskly tried to stand up, but Josh held him tight. "Please listen-"

"Josh what the heck?" Tyler nearly screamed in hysterics. "You're telling me that you knew my dead parents! What the- _let me go!"_

"Tyler baby I know it's a lot to take in but please, _please_ calm down." Josh soothed, dragging the younger boy flush against him. He knew that Tyler wasn't going to react well, how much idiotic could he have gotten by starting the conversation like that? The younger boy trashed against him, his respiration coming out broken as panic started mumbling his brain. 

Josh's heart broke a little when he felt his shirt wetting with tears. Tyler was crying and he kind of wanted to die right now. He held the boy harder, planting kisses on his forehead while muttering sweet reassurances in the tense silence of the room.

Tyler's body shook with silent sobs, frail body tucked toward himself and gently being rocked by the older man.

His parents, his fucking parents that Tyler saw die slowly and painfully each night. And now, Josh was saying that he knew them, that man he had thought absolutely uninvolved with this case knew them.

"H-how?" He hiccuped, voice coming out muffled as his face was still mashed in Josh's shoulder. Memories were slowly but surely invading his thoughts, memories bright and bloody mixed strangely and furthermore confusing him. _Oh god he felt so lost._

"My, uh, parents knew yours, and I've been Zack's playmate since like ever which is why..."

"Which is why you know so much about me." Tyler finished, eyes red, exhausted by his sudden burst of tears and near panic attack. "I'm so confused right now Josh." He looked up at him pleadingly, the shirt of the older man fisted in his trembling hands.

Josh let go of his hips to take the shaking hands in his, kissing them softly in an attempt to calm down the boy. It worked, at least a bit, for Tyler's body wasn't shaken with so much tremors anymore.

"Yeah. I know. I was, too, when Zack told me he was sending you there." He breathed, a fond look appearing in his eyes. "Gosh the last time I saw you, you weren't older than eight? nine?" He smiled, remembering the even smaller at this time boy who ran away from his father while screaming that sleep was for the weak. 

"Don't remember tiny me, that's creepy." Tyler scolded, pinching the daydreaming man in the arm. Josh pouted.

"You're still tiny, though."

"Oh shut up," Tyler rebuffed weakly, smile growing stronger when Josh brushed his tears away gently. His head was killing him right now, confusion still high because- Because he had no memories of Josh, not even a vague image or moments in which he could have heard from the man. "Why dont I have any memories of you?" He asked in a small voice, bitting his lips.

"Do you have a lot of memories before your parents were...were, you know?"

"Killed?" Tyler said, face blank. "They were killed. Murdered. You can say it."

Josh nodded, his skin way paler than it usually was. Tyler felt guilty for freaking out, Josh probably had it quite hard too. "Yeah... before they were killed."

Tyler shook his head slowly, coming up with white scapelands and fuzzy images when he tried to remember. "I don't remember much. Just them, Zack, Maddy and Jay." Tears gathered in his eyes, and Josh panicked as he saw his boy burst in another crisis of tears. 

"Shh baby i-it's okay," Josh cooed, sweaty hands with nervousness caressing the boy's side carefully. "It really is okay please, please don't cry." His chest hurted so bad. He just wanted his boy safe and happy, was it too much to ask?

Tyler didn't answer. He stayed quiet as Josh rocked him softly, eyes squeezed tight, trying to recollect himself. This was the reason he locked everything that had a link with his parents during the day, opening the dark box of bloody memories at night where he was the only one to witness his weakest moments. But Josh wasn't judging him, Josh was only cradling him as if he was made of glass and did everything he could to ease Tyler's pain.

And for the umpteenth time, he thanked the deities up there for giving him the chance to be with this man.

Minutes, or maybe an hour, it was the time they spent locked in silence and body connected innocently, until Tyler found his voice again.

"I knew there was something more about you." He said softly, a small, pure smile dancing in his lips. It mesmerised Josh more than he cared to admit.

"Something more?"

"Yeah... I immediately fell at ease around you. It never happened before." He admitted in a small voice, cheeks pink as he hid his face in Josh's chest. There it was, the familiar and homely smell of trees, rain, and everything that was refreshing.

"That's probably because I gave you baths when you were but a babe..."

"Oh my god tell me you're joking." Tyler gasped, horrified.

"I'm joking don't worry." Josh grinned mischievously, glad to have lightened the mood. 

"Whatever." Tyler pouted. He played with the hem of his sweater before he seemed to remember something. "Why did Zack send me here...? I mean, I'm glad to be with you don't misunderstand, and I can see why entrusting me in your care would put him at ease. But why here? Why out of the continent?"

His face was still facing downward, headache slowly making its way on his head as he rested once more on the older man's chest. He frowned slightly, when Josh's heartbeats immediately picked up.

"I think you've heard enough for the day... let me tell you the rest later." Josh breathed, looking tense.

"But-"

"Tyler, please." Josh's voice was really tense, Tyler observed. Anxiety was nearly brimming from his body. So Tyler didn't push. He knew how it felt to be too anxious for talking about something. He wouldn't do this to Josh. He trusted him.

"Okay." He said softly, trusting, before he grabbed his neck and placed a sweet kiss on his lover's lips. "Thank you for telling me all of this."

Josh smiled gratefully, callous warm hands slipping under Tyler's fluffy sweater and roaming his back softly. It wasn't sexual, yet it felt intimate. Tyler closed his eyes, losing himself in the ocean of peace that was his _lover._

This felt good, this felt right. Everything was going to be okay. 

 

 

The sun was shining, the birds were singing, everyone was happy, and Tyler wanted to murder someone. Preferably the cocky mean-looking girl in front of him. He usually loved girls okay, they were soft and strong and pretty damn beautiful and strange - he loved them.

But this one cheerleader with her look-alike followers and her shitty manners? He didn't like. Not. At. All.

Tyler wasn't in the mood for petty drama on this thursday's afternoon. It usually entertained him, sure, when he had nothing else to do and felt like wrecking havoc with Dallon and Halsey.

But after what he learnt yesterday? Nope, he sure as hell wasn't in the mood. Yeah he knew he was going to be okay, it didn't mean that it would happen in a snap of fingers. He couldn't forget everything that Josh said and spring sunshine out of his ass the day after. 

His parents were still murdered and he still lacked memories and he had fucking issues that were messing him up from the inside out.

Tyler wasn't a thinker, he hated it, but that's all his brain seemed to be good at. So he thinks, he thinks and sometimes he overthinks. Those weren't things that put someone in the right mood, he felt fucking exhausted.

So when that girl - Ash something - came with a determined expression and her pose, he knew he would need a lot of patience to not scream his guts out.

"What do you want?" He asked her straight away, slamming his locker closed and resting against it cooly. Halsey seemed to be totally entranced with the girl in front of her. God she was such a lesbian.

"You out of the picture, hopefully." The Ashy-something girl said, flicking her beautiful locks behind her shoulder and putting an hand on her hip. There were chorus of _"oohs"_ and _"aaahs"_ behind. Halsey totally stopped ogling that girl and became instantly pissed. Bros before hoes, always.

"The heck you want Ashley?" She said, eyeing the crowd that gathered distatefully. They all lived for petty dramas, she was sure about it.

"It's not about you Halsey." Ashley quipped, eyes burning on Tyler's street-cute outfit with jealously. "I'm talking about that slutty friend of yours." 

Dallon's face contorted in anger and Tyler was quick to put a calming hand on his chest to restrain him, only breaking eye contact to roll his eyes at the agitated crowd.

"Hey, bitch," He started with a smile, ignoring her offended splutters. "jealousy is an ugly thing on your face, so I suggest you move along before you get hurt."

"I'll run along when you'll stop stealing people's boyfriends you whore!"

"I haven't stole anyone." He answered boredly, looking at his nails. "Why? Your boyfriend broke up with you? Probably because of your shit personality." He snorted, red lips stretching to form a mocking smile.

The people around them exploded in jeers and laughs, as Ashley's face went red in anger and embarrassment.

"We don't need people like you in this school," She seethed. "Go back to sucking dick in your shitty hometown."

Tyler sighed, a soft little sound, expression indulgent. He took some steps toward her, the crowd holding their breath as they waited for what he would say and do. She gulped, confidence crumbling.

"Oh, honey," He susurred beside her ear. "please kindly shut up. I wear heels bigger than your boyfriend's dick." He finished sweetly, sauntering away with a jaunty wave of his hand, Dallon and Halsey laughing by his side.

Ashley soon ran away from the crowd with her pose, trying to not let the shame show as she screamed inside. They were all laughing at her, mocking and jeering-

_-it was at this moment that she swore she would break Tyler Joseph._

"Don't worry Ash, you're way better than this slut!"

"They'll all see that their little precious boy is nothing but a whore..."

"Forget what they say, boys suck anyway!"

Ashley barely listened to her friends comfort her with their empty words, sneering silently. They weren't her friends anyway, just pretty girls from the cheerleading squad that she took by her side. Only the most popular could have the honour to be with her.

She couldn't care less about them, about their stupid words, they didn't understand anything that was in play.

She clutched her phone, heart beating. Tyler Joseph was dangerous, she had to do this. 

"Thank you, girls." She smiled, fake sweetness in her words. "I want to be alone right now, I'll catch you later okay?"

She dashed away after receiving their various form of affirmation, too anxious about what she was going to do to notice that two of the girls followed her.

Two, special girls.

 

"Hello...?"

_"-....e..? Wha...-ou...n..d?" ___

____

____

They couldn't go further, in fear of being seen. But the following exchange made the blood froze in their veins. Something horrible was going to happen but-

What could they do...?


	12. assault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys be careful with this chapter. look at the tags, and skip it if you're uncomfortable with this.

Josh looked like a lovesick puppy, it was incredibly endearing and it made a smile appear on Tyler's face for the first time this day. He looked away, scared of the fact that if he stared more at the man he would get up and go kiss him right now.

He let his pen roll away on the desk, holding his face lazily in the palm of his hand as he eyed Jon and Declan, both writing furiously on their papers. They took this class seriously, more than the others. He wondered if they wanted to work in this field, later. This thought only made him realise ... that he didn't knew much about them, did he?

Yet, he cared a lot about those two. Just like he cared about Patrick, about pete, about the lovely duo composed of Jack and Alex, about those that already secured their place as his best friends, Dallon and Halsey.

So many things happened. He wanted to take some time for them, just with this makeshift family, get to know more and more about them until he could pick a gift for them easily and know that they would like it.

He felt a knot in his stomach, and another in his throat. Days like this were the worst, and he couldn't even brush it off like he usually did. He couldn't brush off the sad look on his friend's face when they realised he didn't eat anything. He couldn't brush off Josh's worry at the obvious bags under his eyes and the sick cloud that envelopped his frame.

Things were going to be fine, okay. But for now, he felt sick, and sad, and he was thinking too much.

 

 

Three classes before the end of the day, Josh whisked him away in one empty corridor and passionately kissed his worries away. It felt good, great even, to get lost in those arms, submit to his lover's powerful hold that helped him forget everything.

"I promise I'll take care of you tonight."

Another kiss. Light smiles.

"Okay."

Dallon had asked him why he was suddenly so happy, but Tyler had only smiled happily up at him. Though when Halsey had offered him an apple, he took a bite, and that was enough to make her face bright with happiness.

They cared so much about him, it made his heart swell with love. He would take much more care of them from now on.

"Huh ... where's my phone?" Tyler mumbled, eyebrows furrowed slightly. His heart dropped after minutes of searching and nothing found, that special nervousness only born when losing something precious.

His phone wasn't precious per say, but he was a teenager, and half of his life was stored in there.

"We'll wait there-"

"No, you guys go." He said, taking some steps to go back in the classroom. "I bothered you enough today."

"You idiot, you never bother us." Halsey sighed, hands crossing on her chest in defiance. Though she crumbled at the insistent stare he threw at them.

"Dally," Tyler turned to Dallon, tugging at his jacket softly like a little child. "Pretty please, meet me in my room?" The taller boy didn't stand a chance, really. Tyler was too adorable for this world.

"Fine." Halsey gave Dallon a mean look as he dragged her away, kicking and screaming.

Tyler laughed as he ran into the classroom. He loved her so much. What did he do to deserve such awesome friends?

Those thoughts kept him occupied until he reached the last class he was in, sparing a quick overall look in the room to see if someone else was here.

No one was. It was strange to be alone on this atmosphere. The walls were suddenly way too tall, and he felt tiny from inside out. Not in a good way.

Shivering a little, he cautiously walked to his desk, looking around it until he huffed in exasperation. What the hell? The last time he remembered having it, it was here, trying to not fall asleep in maths by spamming Dallon with pictures of Drake. 

Lost in thought as he was, the door slamming against the wall made him jump in fright, turning toward the entrance of the class with big eyes.

Uneasiness made his stomach crawl. Why were the members of the football team here?

He eyed them warily, alarm ringing violently in his head.

It didn't feel right, it probably wasn't.

Tyler didnt like the way they looked at him, the way they seems to be undressing him with their stares.

He was used to being looked at. He didn't have any care for that body of his, but it didn't mean that he was okay with people wanting to do something to it.

For ultimately, everything that was him would be discarded and he'll be treated like an object.

The exact same reason why he erased any vanity or liking for his skin and bones.

Maybe he was trying to make them see him and not his body. Maybe he did it for situations like right now, where boys two times his height and weight were looking at him so wrong.

He wasn't okay with this. Never will. 

If he consented to it, if he said to his partner that he could do this and that, then he was fine, he was safe, he had control.

Right now, it didn't seem like he had any control. He felt trapped, he felt alone, panic was already making him queasy.

But he didn't show anything, didn't tremble under their predatory stares even if he just wanted to run away immediately.

"What are you doing here?" He quipped as he cocked his hips on one side, arms crossed on his chest in a confident manner. He was anything but confident right now. But they were, six, seven, he counted slowly. He couldn't look weak.

"Looking for something pretty boy?" One of them asked, standing two steps ahead from the others. He looked like a total douchebag, but a dangerous douchebag. Tyler didn't show anything on his face but a blank mask of boredom.

His fingers tapped two beats on his chest. He was going to be okay. "As a matter of fact, yes, though it's none of your business." He pursued his lips, gauging the desks and tables that separated them from the corner of his eyes.

Something wasn't right, the air was filled with tension and dumb snickers from the football team members. Those ugly, low laughs that only them seemed to share. As if they were let in something Tyler didn't know.

He didn't like that at all.

Their leader took a step forward, muscle rippling under his feeble t-shirt. Tyler resisted the need do take a step back. He couldn't look weak, not right now, they would fucking prey on it.

"Oh but it's our business darling!" Tyler's nose scrunched in distaste at the nickname. "Are you looking for this, perhaps?"

A rose-gold iphone was dangling from his hands, Tyker shot forward in a surprising burst of speed and snatched the phone away. He clutched it to his chest, alarmed. "Why the fuck do you have this?" He spat, realising his mistake.

There wasn't any distance between them now.

His chest thundered as they laughed among them, exchanging sly looks. He really didn't like where it was going.

"A ... friend of yours gave it to us. Said something about a bait. I get it, we wouldn't want you to chicken on us now would we boys?"

The king-douche bag, as Tyler dubbed him, turned toward his teammates as he asked that, voice loud making Tyler recoil slightly in unease. He quickly came back to his sense though.

"That's cool and all but I don't give a fuck." He said lowly, moving around the guy and trying to look as relaxed as he could. "Now I'll ask you gentlemen to excuse me, I have things to do."

"Not that fast darling." His blood froze in his veins as the other guys closed the door with a loud slam, locking it just as quick.

He turned toward their obvious leader, dread pooling in his stomach. "What are you doing?" He whispered, voice feeble. He froze entirely when strong arms snaked roughly around his side, a disgustingly hot breath on his neck.

"Hopefully... you. We're all hoping to get a piece of darling boy Tyler, arent we boys?" Their eyes were filled with lust as they slowly closed around him. Why the fuck were they already hard-- did those sickos got off on this? Gangbanging a boy in an empty classroom?

That's when it dawned on him. They were-

He tried to push the guy away, only to realise that he was too damn weak to get out his grip. "My name is Tom, remember it, you'll be screaming it for the next hour."

Then there were hands, everywhere, restraining his legs as he trashed, capturing his arms behind his back when he scratched violently someone, screaming bloody murder as anger took over his fear.

"You better stop that shit right now," He seethed, vision blurring. "Someone's going to barge in and you'll be in big troubles."

They laughed cruelly, making the hair on his neck rise with dread.

"Did you forget already darling?" The one who was restraining his legs asked. Tyler wanted to kick his ugly face in the ground. "Those rooms are soundproof."

The panic set in. 

No no no It couldn't be happening to him what the hell. He suddenly felt too crowded, dirty under their leers and then--

The sounds of unbuckling belts.

He felt sick.

One of them caught his face roughly. "You really are a pretty one aren't you?" His fingers entered his mouth. Tyler bit him as hard as he could. 

The satisfaction he felt was short lived when he was slapped hard, face turning the other way from the power of the blow. 

He spat the blood in their faces, eyes burning. 

"You little bitch-"

"Now now Tyler..." Tom drawled, making the captured boy freeze once again. "That wasn't very nice of you." He tsked, suddenly grabbing Tyler's hair and bringing him on his knees.

Right in front of his hard cock.

Tyler's eyes widened in horror. No.

He felt like he would put any second now, feeling one by one their dirty hands on him and the disgusting touches of their cock on his skin. Everywhere.

"We'll have to put those pretty lips of yours at good use."

 

Josh and Frank both startled when the door of the teacher's lounge was opened and two girls came stumbling in, babling unclear words.

"Marina? Lana?"

"It's-" They seemed to be out of breath, sweat pearling down in buckets. "y-you-"

"Breathe!" Frank told them quickly, helping Marina who couldn't stand upright. 

Josh shook himself out of his daze and calmed down an hysteric Lana. "What's wrong?"

"You have to come with us, you have to!"

"Please please you can't stay here you-" Marina was shivering violently, pointing to the door as she screamed for them to follow her.

"Girls!" Josh shouted, starting to feel anxious. They never acted like this usually, something seriously wrong must be happening. "Explain please-"

"It's Tyler!" Lana sobbed. "He ...They're going to-! We couldn't do anything-"

Frank watched with wide eyes as Josh disappeared out of the room, Lana following quickly to show him the way, still crying uncontrollably.

"Shit." He didn't wait one more second, following Marina as she dashed away too. Josh was usually the epitome of calm. To see him pale so drastically the moment he heard Tyler ... things were starting to make sense.

He accelerated, rounding a corner quickly. Considering that Tyler was in danger, Josh would undoubtedly do something stupid.

"They're in there, they locked the door from the inside and we didn't have any keys andandand we couldn't do anything-" Lana didn't manage to finish her sentence, breaking into sobs as she banged on the door roughly.

Josh seemed calm. He wasn't, really, Frank knew him enough to see the crazy glint in his eyes and his trembling hands as he fumbled with the keys.

...

"Bet you like it, huh?"

"So many cocks, bet you're enjoying it huh?"

 

When they opened the door,

They stood frozen. Silence on their behalf, broken by Marina's and Lana's sobs,

and, and,

sounds of pleasure,

and,

the disgusting smell of semen all over the damn room.

Tyler seemed...

Tyler seemed ruined, completely destroyed.

Frank didn't think he would ever be able to forget the scene of horror that stood in front of his eyes.

Nor the rage on Josh's face. If he shed blood when he lunged at the rapists, Frank Marina and Lana never said anything about it.


	13. safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this chapter took so much time to come out yikes  
> i had a hard time writing it bc i went and got myself informed 'bout what i was writing cuz mama ain't raised no half-baked fanfiction writer /gets hit by a bus
> 
> AND whEN I WAS NEARLY DONE THAT SHITTY COMPUTER ERASED EVERYTHING WHAT A HOE  
> but it's done, here.  
> thanks to a cutie called Dodi aka my #1 fan :^)  
> thank you bub the courage to rewrite everything came from ya ily

Josh was scared. Panicked, afraid, aghast, he couldn't think straight, his chest hurt and he was on the verge of crying.

The unconscious body of Tyler scooped delicately against him, he realized that he _was_ crying. Ugly crying, heart wrenching sobs, shoulders shaking. They had _raped_ Tyler until the boy fell unconscious. What kind of monsters are these people--

Officers and paramedics were around them, one nurse trying to take Tyler away, but recoiling when Josh gave her a vicious glare, eyes red with tears. Frank quickly got her out of his sight, words coming out unintelligible to the spacing Josh.

He was slowly rocking Tyler's unresponsive body back and forth, eyes trained blankly in front of him as tears drenched his face.

It broke Frank's heart.

"We got a part of the story from those two girls... We're still lacking elements, but do you and your friend want to hear what we have?" He grimaced a bit, sympathetic gaze trained on the man who was still on the floor.

They were hardened police officers. Yet, those kind of things never got easier.

Frank hesitated before replying. "You can tell me now. I'll share the information with them when Tyler will be... Better."

The horrid image flashed behind his eyelids. He bit his lips.

"Yes, I understand." The officer nodded. "Do take your time, those boys will be dealt with in the meantime." He nodded respectfully.

Frank let out a harsh breath, not really knowing where to look between Marina's and Lana's huddled bodies in the corner and Josh, still clutching Tyler's body with a blank look.

What a freaking mess.

___

Giving Tyler a bath was easier than Josh thought it would be.

Or, maybe harder, depending on how one look at things.

He hadn't put much of a resistance, if any, to be honest. When he woke up in Josh's room, he didn't say a thing, only staring into space with hooded eyes.

Josh didn't dare to look at those eyes, in fear of breaking in another fit of sobs that no men his age would be caught doing.

But could you blame him? Could anyone blame him, really?

Josh was a sensitive man to begin with. It was always a surprise, when people discovered it. Because he was... Kind of buff? A little bit, but not really. Though he had always given this vibe of "punk", what with his tattoos, dyed hair and piercings he refused to take off even when he started teaching.

Things were like this, Josh was _sensitive._

But stumbling in the scene that he did- it was a nightmare Josh never dared to even imagine. He wanted to protect Tyler so much of his past, he wasn't vigilant enough to protect him against those lurking around him.

Josh was sensitive, but he wasn't violent. 

But,

The softest person on earth could become the bloodiest one, if they saw what Josh's eyes laid on.

Everything became red.

(As red as Tyler's blood they dared to shed.)

Everything became red, with shades of violent black. He could recall all the things he did, and only mourned the fact he was stopped from doing more.

He didn't know where this force appeared, and couldn't give a single fuck, if he was honest with himself. Dark anger had spread in his veins, and those supposed to be all-mighty boys were reduced to crying bones on the ground, half dead and never being able to practice their beloved sport anymore.

They should be dead, really, he thinks as he put Tyler delicately in the large bathtub. 

It was seeing Tyler's fragile body on the ground that had his red-hot anger evaporated, turning it in a blue-cold rain that seemed everlasting. He didn't care that Frank was here, that those two girls who warned him were there too. He cradled Tyler's unresponsive body in his arms and cried like he never did before.

His bruised knuckles didn't hurt, he wasn't even slightly tired from the Beatdown he had given to the group.

But there was a biting fire in his chest. Not the exciting fireworks, he experienced every time Tyler looked at him.

It was quite painful.

Terribly painful, Josh had never felt so much pain as he did when his mind worked furiously over what happened to the precious boy in his arms.

Thinking about it got his already hurting heart clench, and bile rising in the back of his throat.

Everything was just so cold.

The beautiful marble on the floor that Tyler swore, days ago, was heated because of how hot it felt-

_It was cold, too._

He had turned the heater on, put hot, but not scorching water in the bathtub for his boy to bathe in peace and comfort.

Yet, he had never felt colder.

"Josh?"

His eyes snapped up to Tyler's face.

The small boy wasn't looking at him. He hadn't looked at him since he woke up.

But Josh put his bloody hands on the edge of the bathtub, and finally pushed his guilt aside to look deep in Tyler's eyes.

He almost wished he didn't.

They were so... Black.

He bit his lips, willing his tears away. Those weren't the eyes he was used to. Those weren't the two pearls of cocoa shining in mischief as he did his best to put Josh in an uncomfortable situation.

No, no, no.

Josh only saw two pools of black, framed by black eyelashes dripping with water - or where they unshed tears?

Tyler didn't flinch back when Josh softly brushed his hair away from his face, waiting quietly for an answer.

That wasn't Tyler either. His boy would usually bug him until he got what he wanted, for he was a terribly impatient little one.

Josh swallowed his tears. He had to be strong for the both of them. "Yes love?"

Something flickered in Tyler's expression at the pet name. His blank mask disappeared before Josh's attentive eyes.

He held his breath and waited.

"I'm still dirty." The small boy whispered, voice quiet. A light finally brought back the beauty of his chocolate-like eyes as tears gathered in them. "Why am I still so dirty?" His voice only rose higher until it broke, at the same time as he started crying.

Josh gathered him in his arms in the blink of an eye, staring at the red petals in the water as little knives were planted in his heart.

One knife for each tear that Tyler shed.

"You're not dirty baby boy..." He hushed him, rubbing with the utmost delicacy his boy's back. It was so red and raw. For Tyler scrubbed and scrubbed for more than an hour, face blank as he put every little force left in his body to wash away the remnants of his aggression. He scrubbed until he was all pink and his usual scent went away to leave behind the strawberry odor of his favorite bathbombs. "You're the purest being that I've either laid eyes on." 

And he was. Oh Lord, he was.

Because no matter how many time Tyler used to lay in stranger's bed, he always managed to keep this strange innocence close to himself. It was a bubbly, all white feeling, that made his smile all pretty and a cloud of comfort all around him. 

But Tyler only shook his head. His little hands grabbed Josh's shirt as the quiet tears became harsh, heartbreaking sobs. "I'm all dirty Josh," He kept saying like a mantra. "I'm so sorry."

And Josh wanted to yell, _why?!_ Why was he the one apologizing when life kept doing him wrong? Why was he the one left feeling like he was dirty when those _scumbags_ that did this to him will never experience this?

It was totally unfair. So terribly, terribly unfair!

"You have nothing to apologize for, baby." 

Josh wished Tyler would believe him. 

Josh wanted Tyler to understand that he was not at fault, far from it.

Yet, he had an inkling about what was going on in Tyler's head. His little one wasn't thinking logically, disconnected from the real world and stuck in a dark circle where his skin and his whole being were never clean enough.

There was a lot Josh wanted to do right now. Ranging from violent thoughts against those that bruised _purple, blue, yellow_ on his baby's skin, to getting on his knees and apologizing to Tyler for not managing to protect him.

He felt like such a failure.

But he steeled his resolve, and got up with Tyler in his arms, drying him up as softly as he could with a huge towel - the baby blue one, Tyler's favorite.

(He would twirl in the bedroom, draped in it, even when it wasn't bath time, just because he liked the feeling of it on his skin.)

There wasn't a lot he could do right now, but what he could, he did.

He wrapped Tyler's body in a pile of blankets, _white, pink, green, yellow,_ all piled on the little body, in an ocean of fluffiness that hopefully would appease him - at least a little bit.

It seemed to work; because Tyler's eyelashes fluttered seconds later, last tears falling on his cheek, but quickly wiped away by Josh's fingers.

Those fingers were caught, then entwined with smaller ones as Tyler finally fell asleep.

It brought a feeble smile on Josh's lips. They were going to be alright.

Revenge had to be extracted and answers had to be given.

But for now, souls had to be healed too, and hearts, mended.

He fell asleep like that.

With the knowledge that Tyler's heart was beating against his.

___

Far enough to not be suspicious, near enough to listen and understand what was going on.

She just smiled.

It was small, at first, until it got bigger and she finally laughed.

It wasn't a pretty laugh, nor a funny one.

It was harsh, cold, cruel.

Happiness could be discerned in it, but her features were so twisted by an unhealthy satisfaction that it could chill anyone's laugh if they were present.

She laughed and laughed, until her throat hurt and small tears appeared in the corner of her eyes.

But not from guilt, oh, far from it.

She just couldn't be any happier.

Who would have thought that this plan would work? She had used it before, of course, but with maybe - one or two people from the football team? And she never went to the end. Always present to stop things, and admonish her superiority and domination on those who dared to wrong her.

Like those two stubborn girls, Marina and Lana.

They had thought they could escape her web. Foolish.

No one could. Not even the precious, dearly loved Tyler Joseph.

"You got what you deserved," she whispered, a cruel smile curling on her lips.

He deserved it, she assured herself, even when uneasiness crawled in her stomach. He did much more than crossing her, he had taken the person that was dearest to her.

For such a long, long time...

He was lucky she didn't use her knowledge of his past against him. He would have been completely destroyed.

Nobody would have given a second glance at the freak he was.

She gripped the bark of the tree she was hidden behind, biting her lips. Why would she feel regret? He was a slut to begin with, that was what sluts like him got.

Surrounding sounds got her whipping around quickly, eyes scanning the wilderness around her. She put a hand on her heart, breath harsh.

It wasn't as if anyone would know she had a hand on Tyler's... accident, right?

No one had heard her on the phone.

She wasn't guilty of anything...

_Right?_


	14. dearly cared for

 

 

   Tyler had always been a sad boy. It wasn't just a phase. It wasn't something that happened overnight. He was sad, always sad, terribly sad.

But, no, he couldn't fool himself and hide behind those three letters forever. He had _liprophenia_.

And liprophenia had never been so much of a bitch until then.

Because she was usually just a vague feeling of sadness that came out of nowhere, a cold hand caressing his heart with every breath that he took.

Now...

Now she was a terror. A freezing and sickly terror. It felt like something snapped, but the moment he woke up in the soft nest that Josh had made for him, he couldn't stop crying.

Josh had been panicked, of course, and Tyler just cried harder because no matter how terribly he wanted his lover's comfort, his skin crawled at the mere thought of being touched.

He was disgusted with himself, couldn't stand to look at his reflection before nausea came running up his throat and he was emptying his tortured stomach in the bathroom.

And then he cried again. Because of Josh, oh Josh! The man put a brave front, tried to not show how much he hurt inside when Tyler rejected him, or the flinches he thought he masked well everytime Tyler expressed his disgust toward himself.

That made everything go purple and red and black inside Tyler's head, he clutched his hair and squeezed his eyes and sobbed, screamed toward that cruel liprophenia and his cursed person for being so overly flawed.

Why did Josh stay? How could he stand to be by Tyler's side when all Tyler wanted was to fucking drown in the baths that he loved so much?

Tyler didn't have much respect for his body before. He had... He had started appreciating it, tentatively so, how could he stay unchanged when Josh worshiped his body at every occasion? Lifted Tyler by his arched waist and whispered how beautiful he found him in the secret of his neck?

He had started believing. That maybe, there was a bit of worth in that body of his.

Only to be crushed fatally- _as if it was destined_.

It wasn't funny, but Tyler wanted to laugh. Wanted to laugh at the absurd situation until he was crying and maybe choked to death with his tears.

A grimace found its way on his flushed skin. Suicidal thoughts were never here before. Liprophenia used to play nice.

Now... She just wanted him dead.

"Why do you want me dead?" He whispered, blinking back tears and the bile rising. Josh had coddled him to eat at least some fruits, but it didn't sit well on Tyler's fucked up stomach and his all around hate for himself.

He just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide from Josh, forever, hopefully.

Because Josh didn't deserve to be stuck with a twisted and dirtied kid like himself. 

"Who would want you dead, flower?" Josh asked, worry deeply etched on his skin and the warm rumble of his low voice.

Tyler forgot everything for a moment. Like the softest blanket on earth, Josh's voice wrapped around his frame and pulled him in a world of security.

He was _so so so_ perfect. 

Tyler didn't deserve him.

(Tyler deserved nothing. He was but a low-class whore, pretty worthless with nothing to give.)

And that was all there was, to his rejection of Josh's touch.

He couldn't let this angel of a man dirty his fingers by touching him.

That body wasn't his, that body was never Tyler's. Abused as it was, Tyler didn't feel the trauma linked to a rape aftermath.

Because he deserved all of it, so he took it, that was all he was good for.

 

Tyler never answered Josh, this Monday.

Nor did he on Tuesday, as Josh was helping him bathe once again.

He didn't talk on Wednesday either, even when Josh created everything that was comforting and lovely all around him.

Josh showed him the beautiful garden behind his place on Thursday, it was gorgeous, but Tyler didn't talk either.

But you know, Josh never despaired. He never cried since that day, stopped flinching when Tyler recoiled from his touch, never stopped smiling and doing everything possible for Tyler to recover even when the loved one didn't speak a word.

The... loved one.

When Friday, Tyler wobbled on fragile legs from the big bed and crawled on the couch, where Josh was resting.

The older man took a bit of time to wake up, but when he did, it was in panic. Because Tyler was touching him. And even though it filled him to the brim with relief and happiness and the need to kiss that boy until his pretty little head knew everything was going to be okay-

Tyler's peace of mind and comfort always came first.

"Baby what are you-"

"Why aren't you disgusted?" Tyler asked, face blank. He had cried and _cried_ for more than five days now, his eyes seemed dry of tears- he was freaking exhausted, and cranky.

But Josh was still here. Never failed, never went away, always by his side with loving gazes and unimaginable devotion.

And Tyler wanted to scream his little heart out _why?!_ He had nothing to offer but a broken body and a tortured mind, he was a pure mess!

Josh was the closest thing to perfection on this earth, Tyler had learned. Scratch that, to him, he was more than perfect, Tyler had stopped fooling himself long ago.

He was falling in love with Josh, a little bit more every day, and if there was hope for his feelings to be returned before...

Now there was no chance. His heart broke into tiny pieces of black matter every time he thought about it and frankly, that was the source of most of his tears.

Josh going away once Tyler had recovered. Josh washing his hands off of Tyler when he was back in top health.

No more honeyed kisses, marshmallow hugs and chocolate love-making.

Tyler freaking fell in love with Josh, but...

It was hopeless.

Josh's hands twitched, on the move to hold Tyler's trembling body before he retracted them. The pained expression on his face made Tyler want to cry again. He didn't want Josh to suffer, Josh should be happy and far far away from him, where he wouldn't be tainted by Tyler's mere presence.

"I will never ever be disgusted with you baby," Josh whispered, honesty and sincerity and so much care dripping from his voice.

Tyler bite his lips, shaking his head violently. He must be imagining it.

"You should be, Josh. I have nothing worthwhile to offer." He said in a choked breath, blotched face reddening once again as his heart tugged. He loved Josh so goddamn much-

"I have you, Tyler. I have you, and I don't see anything else I would want more."

"You don't- you're lying."

"I really am not." Josh's eyes were a mesmerizing mix of steel and unbelievable affection. Tyler wasn't blind, Tyler saw it, but Tyler couldn't accept it.

He was the one to initiate contact, this time.

Josh's mouth opened in quiet shock, as Tyler's small hands went and held his face oh so delicately. He looked like he was going to break down anytime now.

Furrowed brows, trembling body, heartfelt sobs bravely swallowed.

No matter what, Josh thought with wonder, he was as beautiful as ever.

"You deserve better, Josh." Tyler muttered. "You... You can break up with me. Finish this... Go." Each word left a burning sensation in his throat as he said them, eyes wavering from Josh's.

And, he knew. Josh knew.

One of his large hands tipped Tyler's face toward him, and it felt like a thousand firework exploded in his heart when Tyler sought the warmth of this hand like a moth to a flame.

"Look at me in the eyes, Tyler, and repeat those words."

Tyler's eyes widened.

"I can't." He said after a few failed attempts, opening his mouth and closing it helplessly. Josh couldn't ask him that. Because Tyler didn't want him to go, it was selfish, but he wanted Josh to stay and hold him and tell him again that things were going to be okay.

It was selfish and he didn't deserve it but-

"Why?" Josh demanded, voice soft.

-He loved him. Tyler stayed silent.

"I will stay here, I won't go anywhere." He continued, pushing himself into a sitting position effortlessly. Tyler weighed like a feather, more so nowadays. "For the same reason that you don't want me to go."

Tyler shook his head, unbelieving. "You don't know-"

"I do." Josh cut him off, and oh, Tyler finally understood that warm warm warm light in Josh's eyes. It had been here since the beginning.

Always here, sometimes repressed when Tyler tried to look deep into it as if Josh didn't want him to know. But today...

"Do you?" Tyler asked, heart beating fast fast fast.

Josh smiled.

_"I love you."_

Tyler cried. So much.

 

.... . .... . .... . ....

 

 

Josh was multiple shades of happiness, right at this instant.

He had been like that the whole week, a happy, glowing smile on his face as his eyes took this moon-shape that Tyler loved so much.

The younger boy always ducked his head down shyly every time he spotted this display of joy. That appearance of shyness was a new thing, Josh noted, and he didn't know if he was pleased with it or not.

On one hand, he had to admit, it was freaking endearing okay? Tyler had taken to wearing his clothes on a daily basis, which were two or three times too big on him and thus, covered his whole body with only his collarbones on sight. He blushed so much more now, it was incredible. A tiny compliment? A whispered _'I love you'_ when he felt like his boy needed it? His face went cherry red until even his ears burned.

Josh felt his protectiveness and possessiveness attain a brand new level.

But then again ... Confidence and cockiness were part of Tyler. To see him shy away when pretty things were told to him or refuse vehemently to go outside... It was pretty jarring.

What to do then?

It was Friday now, and Josh's phone probably died with how many messages he received. Tyler's friends were a thing, Zack was another. He was depressed just to think about it, because, how did you announce to a protective as hell big brother that his darling little brother was abused?

His heart squeezed painfully in his chest.

"Josh, please stop thinking about it," Tyler chided him, voice soft. Nearly inaudible. He probably read his thoughts.

Or maybe it was the glass that was close to breaking in his hands. He sighed, putting it on the table. "It's hard not to."

Tyler shook his head, curling up just a little more against Josh's side. Just like a kitten, tiny and skittish and all around cute.

Josh loved him so much, damn it.

They settled peacefully on the couch, the sound of their breaths and their heart beating the only distraction they needed at this instant.

"I'll have to go outside at one point." Josh heard Tyler say, and he snapped out of his thoughts to put all of his attention on the younger boy. He looked anxious, small hands clutching Josh's sweatshirt and releasing it in short intervals. Those past days passed in some kind of daze, tucked as Tyler was in a bubble of safety where Josh made sure that all of his needs were attended to.

He never had much time to think about the... incident, or even the sensation of being watched and the familiarity of the man the night of the party. There was so many things that had happened, so many feelings battling in his heart and his head, threatening to come down at one point and make him fall apart.

But Josh took all of this away. Josh gave him just one sweet look and all his worries disappeared in the blink of an eye. It was dangerous, Tyler thought at one point. Because once Josh wasn't by his side, Tyler was lost.

And all the _purple-black-red_ things he pushed aside came tumbling down and laid heavily on Tyler's tiny frame.

He knew he had to be strong. He knew he had to get past it, but-

"Baby steps, love." Josh whispered. A small smile was playing on his lips. How in the world did he do that? How could he appease Tyler so quickly when no one managed in the past sixteen years of his life? It was addicting. It wasn't far. "We'll go at a slow pace, okay? We'll go and see your friends first, the school can wait. If you want to take a whole year out of school, Tyler, we're going to take you out of school for a freaking year."

Tyler smelt honey and the first rays of sunshine after the rain, and he nodded, putting his hands on his cheeks as a fuzzy feeling danced in the pit of his stomach. He felt relieved, grateful, and so many things he wanted to express but couldn't put words on them.

He peeked up at Josh, teeth gnawing softly on the sleeves of his shirt. "Thank you," He said in a breath.

Josh knew it meant a lot more, could see pages and pages of the words Tyler wanted to whisper as he rolled around in piles of soft blankets.

So he smiled some more, a little bit mischievous on the edge before he started tickling Tyler out of nowhere.

Tyler laughed.

(He didn't cry at all, this Friday.)

 

.... . .... . .... . ....

 

 

  A week later, on Friday once again, another major progress happened.

Josh didn't do anything for it to happen. Everything had to go at Tyler's pace, or he'll be damned. The only thing he cared at this point was the safety and comfort of his boy. Tyler said, quite timidly, that he didn't want to go outside. What Tyler wanted, Josh gave. So they spent two weeks tucked in his condo, in a make-shift world that was only composed of the two of them.

Someone probably should have checked on them. The police, the doctors, any staff from the school. But none showed up. Josh knew the reason.

_Frank._

The man was a sneaky one, best to have on your side than as an enemy- lucky for Josh, Frank was his best friend. He was probably ready to nag him when Josh will finally resurface, but for now, he stayed low.

Something Josh will always be grateful for.

"You feeling good love?" He asked, peering down at the squirming boy by his side. Tyler was nervous, understandably so. Though he tried to not show it because he knew Josh would whisk him away in his home until he was okay.

(He didn't know if he was ever going to be okay.)

"You're by my side right now... I'm okay." He answered, taking Josh's bigger hand in his and squeezing lightly. "But you can't stay, you'll have to go away- not that I'm scared or anything..." He lightly mumbled, biting on the sleeves of his shirt.

He was shaking. Josh knew it wasn't from the cold.

But it didn't stop him from enveloping Tyler in a tight embrace, the small boy nearly invisible from the world. He seemed to like that. Disappear from the world and only being visible to the one he loved so dearly.

Josh.

Yet, he was being unfair to the others. He loved all of them to different degrees, certainly not as much as he loved Josh. He was still trying to wrap his head around those feelings. They kept growing, Tyler kept falling.

For Josh, though, so it was okay.

Addicting, mind-blowing, a bit insane, but okay.

Josh made him feel good. He healed him like no one could, like no therapists he was probably going to be forced to see would, like no medications his friends will probably try to make him take.

Tyler was sick, he knew that. He was always sad and bottled it so much that when it overflowed, he did stupid things.

He was broken, in a way that none of his old whorish tendencies will cover. Because it was against his will because they had taken what he didn't want to give because they put their hands on something that wasn't theirs. Tyler had no care for his body, but he had felt so invaded, so _helpless_.

And Josh could reassure him all he wanted, things were how they were; he couldn't stay alone and aware anymore. The scene kept replaying in his mind, and he felt raped all over, and he felt disgusted with himself once again.

Repressing the memories was a recipe for disaster too. He had tried, in the past, to forget and erase. If he didn't think about the night his parents died, then surely, it didn't happen, right? They were just gone, and didn't know when they would return.

That's what he had thought.

It certainly wasn't the way. Because the smallest things triggered him into remembering. The backlash came twice as hard.

So he didn't. So he tried to live with it. But he was so confused, so scared, so hurt. He had no idea what to do with himself, no idea about where he was and what he was doing and where he was going - if it wasn't Josh, with Josh, and where Josh went.

It was like a drug, like an addiction. They loved each other, probably more than usual couples did, and it was dangerous.

For if Josh disappeared from his life, Tyler didn't know what he was going to do with himself.

"We're going to be okay."

Josh sounded so assured. Fact-like, as the sky was blue right now and the earth round, Josh said in the clearest of voices that things were going to be okay.

So Tyler swallowed his worries. He decided to be strong, just like Josh and kicked liprophenia away. As he snuggled just a little bit deeper in Josh's arms, he didn't know how life would play out from now on.

He wouldn't just sit and cry over his fate. Yes, life was a bitch, a heartless bitch to be precise. For sure, rape was no laughing matter. The aftermath was anything but pretty, he didn't fool himself into believing he would be the same. He had changed, was still changing, none of those changes being positive.

But there was no way he would stay down. He was going to get up, and move forward.

For now...

"You can cry if you want, flower." Josh breathed, rubbing his back with the utmost gentleness. "You're doing so good, I'm proud of you Ty. So so proud." He was downright cooing right now, old Tyler would have hit him and turn his head to blush away. But current, still bleeding Tyler couldn't find it in himself to hide his tears and his weakness.

Josh was there for him.

He was going to be strong, but for now, Josh's arms were his safe haven where crying and being weak was okay.

It was okay, Josh said it. So Tyler let himself go-

 _-_ he _knew his gingerbread man was here to stop him_ for _falling._

Tyler was dearly cared for, he knew.

And it felt so good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you felt tyler's progression this chapter??? every person has a different way to cope- tyler's case is strange but not totally unheard of,,,
> 
> see you soon!


	15. together (all of us)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm plot plot plot elements
> 
> enjoy!

 

 

  Things went better than they feared it would. Well, Josh feared, he was a worry wart. Tyler just puts up a strong front even though he wanted to run away with Josh, just the two of them, doing everything and nothing together.

Alas. Duties called. And Tyler didn't want his boyfriend to go to jail, thank you very much.

He peeked inside his room, like a child wondering if their parents were home and preparing themselves for a scolding. Which was prosperous, because it was his damn room and his parents were dead.

Nevertheless, he had friends with parent-like tendencies, and he was quite wary of them.

Josh stared. "Why are you sneaking in your own room ?"

The door made a squeaking sound when Tyler opened it, and he cursed softly, getting an amused huff from Josh. "You don't know them, Josh."

"I kind of do," The older man said. Tyler chanced a look at him and saw that he was putting a small bag on the ground. Before he could ask about it, Josh spoke again. "I've been teaching them for three years now... I'd like to say I see them as my little siblings but that'd be _creepy_." He finished, sheepish.

"How would that be creepy ?" A familiar voice asked, and Tyler didn't jump straight into Josh's arms.

Spoiler alert: he did.

Halsey was leaning against the doorframe that was leading to the small kitchen. Tyler noted that there wasn't anything casual in her gesture, it was as if she was actually exhausted and using the surface as a support. That point was further proven when he saw the state of her clothes and the purple bags under her eyes.

He unconsciously gripped Josh a little bit tighter around his shoulders, taking in a quiet breath. "What happened to you, Hals?"

Tears were gathering in her eyes. It looked like she was doing everything in her power to not just go and squeeze the living hell out of him. "I missed you so much," She choked, trying to quieten down with a hand on her mouth. "was so worried Ty..."

Those last words were muffled, yet Tyler heard them all the same. His heart _squeezed_.

Josh put him down without further ado, as gentle as always, keeping a loose arm around Tyler's hips.

A silence fell around them, Tyler had so much to say, but nothing came out of his mouth, and Halsey was crying harder and-

_-fuck it._

He pushed his uneasiness away, feet a tad bit noisy as he nearly ran toward the crying girl. Scratch that, she crumbled on the floor and was full on sobbing now. He tugged her shaking body toward his own, biting his lips when she immediately embraced him in a crushing hug.

She smelt like flowers and watermelon, he realized as he took in a deep breath. Her hold was delicate, he could see how much she was refraining herself. But oh _lord_ he had missed her so much.

Long eyelashes fluttered against rosy cheeks as he tried to hold on his tears. His chest felt tight, he could actually feel her pain.

suddenly, he shivered. Someone else was here. Right here. And somehow, he knew who it was.

Dallon dropped to the ground too and took the two of them in a flushed embrace. Woods and that luscious cologne that was just Dallon, warm, _so warm_ , so full of love.

He couldn't hold back anymore, though. They just held him a little bit tighter when he started crying. He didn't want to cry anymore, he was tired of it but-

-there was something about being in the arms of those two, those that instantly adopted him from day one. There was something about Dallon's familiar mannerisms and Halsey's hugs. There was something about them, that made him strong, but also just broke all his walls down and left him defenseless.

He didn't know how long they stayed like that, but abruptly, he remembered Josh.

Thankfully, the man wasn't gone. He seemed to understand what was going on and just gave them privacy, Tyler could see his red locks poking from the living room. His heart was immediately appeased, and he heaved a quiet sigh, snuggling up more against his two friends.

No, his _family_.

Halsey and Dallon moved slightly away, drinking in every detail of his face. It was as if they thought he would disappear if they did so much as look away for more than five seconds.

They had reasons to. Tyler couldn't fault them.

"You're here," Dallon muttered, cupping his cheek. It was natural for Tyler to immediately lean toward it. He was overjoyed to find he didn't felt nauseous at the contact.

"I am."

"Are you okay?"

Tyler felt his throat close up. He watched the two of them, how attentive they were, eyes darting toward each detail of his face and care dripping from their fingertips.

He closed his eyes, thinking about Josh.

Always thinking about Josh.

"I'm not. But I will be." It probably wasn't what they wanted to hear, but Tyler didn't want to lie, those were his thoughts, his feelings in few words, handed simply and sincerely.

Thankfully, they didn't push after that. Halsey kissed his forehead, muttering a 'we're here' that Dallon echoed immediately.

Hoisting him up was easy, Dallon muttered, easier than before. "Are you eating enough?"

"I-"

"He has troubles eating," Josh said, certainly _not_ out of nowhere but Tyler still jumped because he was a scaredy-cat. The man was playing with Tyler's favorite stuffie. He better be careful about it. "The only things he can stomach nowadays are fruits and liquids, so be careful with what you give him."

"I'm still here," Tyler grumbled, though there was no heat in his tone. Dallon's arm draped around his shoulders, maybe that was the reason why Josh was so stiff. No one saw it, he noted as the three of them kept talking together, but there was a subtle tension in Josh's shoulder and he kept scratching at his jean with his right hand.

Small things. Tyler saw them.

Was Josh yearning for him as much as Tyler was?

"This okay Tyler?"

"Huh?"

The small brunet came back to three curious looks on him; it made him squirm, shaking his head softly. He just wanted to be in Josh's arms right now, but that wouldn't be possible now. He had things to do, for the both of them, and Tyler for his part probably should get himself accustomed to his room as well as other people.

(He wished it didn't hurt so bad to think he would sleep without Josh's soothing presence by his side.)

"Could you, maybe, repeat. Please?" He stammered, pushing some of his dark locks away. They were getting kind of long.

He pretended to not see the worried look Dallon and Halsey exchanged. Nor the knowing one of Josh's, or his stupidly seductive smirk. It wasn't the moment, damn it.

"We'll have the rest of the squad come over here since your place is inappropriately huge," Dallon started, rolling his eyes at Halsey's joking mutter of 'damn rich kid'. "Is that okay with you? Professor Dun said he'll take care of the administration and all that annoying stuff."

"My hero," Tyler said sweetly. He snickered when Josh blushed. "That's okay, it'll be good to bring a bit of life over here."

"Then that's settled! I'll call them." Dallon cheered.

"I'll whip us something good!"

"D'you mean, frozen food?"

"Shut the fuck up Weekes you can't cook either." Halsey pouted, disappearing in a flurry of blue locks in the kitchen, her bubbly laugh following suit.

Tyler missed that.

"So. I'm going to call them." Dallon repeated, fidgeting. The smaller boy nodded in agreement, waiting for Dallon to go. But he didn't, hovering over there like a worried mama bear.

"Go."

"But-"

Tyler glared. "Josh is here, I won't disappear anywhere-"

"Ty! Come help me in the kitchen."

The small boy threw his hands in the air in a dramatic fashion. "You're being annoying, I hope you know that." He grumbled. But he still went. Halsey could be scary sometimes. And he had missed her presence.

(Though he wished he could have said goodbye to Josh properly. Like. With a quick and discreet kiss. Oh the _joys_ of a hidden relationship.)

When he was out of earshot, Dallon's face darkened. He rubbed at his wrists, eyes on the floor.

Josh tilted his head. "What's wrong?"

There was a beat of silence between the two of them, the sounds of things being moved around farther away easing the tension that would probably have been here.

Dallon cleared his throat, looking pained. "It's my fault."

"Oh hell no," Josh cut him immediately, startling the boy. Professor Dun never ever swore, actually, it was the first time Dallon saw him with such a grave expression. "You're not responsible."

"But,"

"No."

"If I went with him-"

"The ones that are to blame are those that hurt Tyler." He whispered harshly, shutting up Dallon immediately. "With 'ifs' you could create a vastly different world Dallon. The only thing we can do now is helping him heal up and bring hell to the actual culprits." His voice had softened, coming back to that pleasant music every student in this school loved to hear.

Dallon smiled weakly, swallowing his tears. They were lucky to have Professor Dun with them. "Alright. Thank you so much." The gratefulness that was in his voice made Josh shake his head, a mysterious smile on his lips.

They thought everything he did was as a caring teacher to his student. It was partially true, Josh was the kind of person to do everything in his possibility to help, going always further than a teacher should and more like a brother and a father of sort.

But, he thought with a last look at Tyler as he went to the door, he did all of this as a _man_ for his loved one.

And oh, how he loved Tyler.

 

…. . …. . …. . ….

 

"You look like shit."

That was the first thing Josh heard as he entered the teacher's room, courtesy of Frank. 

Unlike the last time he was here, the room was quite full, a lot of teachers were reunited around some big ass table that Josh had no clue was here last time. Probably because it wasn't, he had a good memory.

His eyes went back to his friend, plopping down beside him in an empty chair. The last empty chair to be precise. Josh felt honored. "There are enough chairs for the people that were supposed to be here, don't be cocky now." Frank continued, sipping on what smelt like beer.

"I dislike you," Josh said, but it wasn't effective. Josh Dun could hardly dislike anyone. "And leave my face alone."

"You didn't get much rest did you?" Frank shot back immediately, eyeing his exhausted expression. The moment he left Tyler with his friends, he had let everything go. The exhaustion and stress probably caught up.

"There was someone else much more in need than I was." He said, fingers drumming nervously against the table. It didn't take much for Frank to understand. He had been here, after all. He didn't even dare to wonder about what happened afterward.

It must have been painful.

"We know who did... That."

Josh jerked his head up, clearly shocked. Some other teachers looked at them before turning away, knowing when to get involved and when not to. Josh was grateful for this. "Don't we already know?" Wasn't it those soon-to-be-dead guys that Josh would murder himself the moment they were out of prison?

"No." Frank answered, solemn. "Well yes, they're guilty, it's a fact. But... A girl was behind this. She was the one to call them and organize everything, starting with the disappearance of Tyler's phone and the fact that they were alone and the classroom was empty. We were lucky that Lana and Marina were suspicious of her, otherwise..."

"She would have gotten out of this unscathed." Josh finished, biting his lips violently.

Frank nodded. There were so many things he wanted to know, right now, and all of them turned around Josh and Tyler. He wasn't insensible, though, it was his best friend they were talking about. He knew what could be talked about and what couldn't. He knew what to do and when.

Which was why he managed to hold on any unwanted person from putting their nose in something that wasn't their business.

A vague wave of nausea suddenly hit him, as fear took over his heart for a quick moment. Speaking of unwanted persons...

They were resurfacing once again.

When he chanced a look at his best friend, he knew he couldn't talk to him about it. Josh had too much on his shoulders right now.

Frank couldn't possibly tell him that his little Tyler was in a bigger danger than they all thought.

Maybe later...

He saw Josh jump a little bit when an orange-haired lady tapped his shoulders, a drink in her hands.

A grateful smile on his tiring features, he gently took the beer his coworker gave him.

She didn't stop here though. "You were always too involved with the students."

His heart dropped.

"What?" He wheezed, trying to not fall in a full-blown panic right there.

She blinked, confused. "You're the one who took care of Tyler Joseph right? Since his family isn't on the island and you're the closest thing he has to a parental figure..."

Josh sweated. "Yes. Yes, of course."

Hayley smiled once again, beaming up at him. "You're a good guy."

Frank choke on his drink, and Josh didn't hesitate on pinching him. "Shut up." He whispered.

"You shut up, craddle-robber."

"Oh my _God_." Josh took his face in his hands, a dark cloud above him. Frank patted him, grinning like a wolf.

"I'm joking bro, he must be special." There wasn't any trace of humor in his voice. "I know you're not that kind of person."

Josh stilled, releasing a deep breath slowly. His eyes were fixed on the drink on the table, face still in his hands. But Frank knew his head and heart were far away. Probably toward a small brunet with big doe-like eyes and a teasing smile.

"Yeah," Josh said, finally. A smile bloomed on his face, and Frank swore he was glowing right now. "He's very special."

And while Frank was more than happy his best friend finally found someone he loved so much... He couldn't hep but fear for the future. That relationship was damned from the beginning, what with not only the fact that they were student and teacher, but also because Tyler was underage. Frank could look past that, if they were both in love and consent, then to hell all those rules.

But. They were people after Tyler. Dangerous people.

Frank wasn't sure Josh could protect him against them. He hoped, with all his heart, and he would do anything for his bad feelings to not happen.

He sighed, chancing a glance at the dazed-looking man. Yep. He was totally gone for that boy.

Was it too much to ask for his best friend to be happy? Without it being ruined in the blink of an eye?

 

…. . …. . …. . ….

 

 

Tyler didn't budge.

"But Ty!"

"No." He huffed, crossing his arms.

Halsey glared. Dallon, too. Brendon was trying his hand at a kicked puppy look, and damn, he was successful. Alex and Jack tried to give him the stern parent's glare but it wasn't working, Tyler was immune. He was also immune to Patrick's mom-just-want-your-well-being look and Pete trying to tempt him with sweets. He was just grateful that Jon and Declan weren't trying anything, thank God for small mercies.

"We just found you!" Dallon insisted.

"Yeah, and you've been here for," The small boy looked at his watch. "a day and eleven hours now! Go back to your rooms damn it!" He grumbled, pushing them gently toward the door. He knew he had won because although they protested, they didn't put in much resistance.

When the whole squad showed up, Tyler emptied his reserve of tears of the year, because they were damn saps and loved him too much. It was still hard for Tyler to grasp this concept. His last years had been spent in loneliness, with his time-to-time brother's company and meaningless relationships with men married and twice his age.

He didn't make friends. Couldn't. Shied away from them. And as a result, he was, alone.

What had changed? He didn't know. Maybe they were just special, too special for Tyler to run away and ask them to leave him alone. As it was, they cared about him and had showered him with a lot of junk food and comedy flicks.

He hadn't been alone for a moment, Declan going as far as following him to the toilet.

(Tyler hit him.)

A warm feeling bubbled in his chest when he thought about this sleepover. They all slept in the same room, huddled together even when Tyler's bedroom had more than enough place. Cuddled together with Tyler in the center, providing little actions here and there that were so _caring_ and so _careful_ , Tyler had burst into tears out of nowhere and had been swept in a group hug once again.

(It happened a lot, this night.)

Liprophenia could shove a cactus up her ass, Tyler had caring friends by his sides and the best boyfriend the world had ever known.

He didn't fool himself into believing he would be healing overnight, but hey, baby steps. He found out he was still okay with his friends touching him, but he still found it nauseating to show a piece of his body that wasn't his face.

But. Hey. Baby steps.

"Take care of yourself, please." Patrick mumbled, hugging him one last time, kind of like everyone else. Those huggers.

Tyler loved them.

"I will," He said with a soft smile- genuine. That seemed to be enough for most of them.

"You..." Halsey breathed. "Don't hesitate to take the meds I found you. The doctor said it was highly advised." She finished quietly, afraid of ruining the mood. She was just worried about his health - physically and mentally.

"It's a promise," he agreed, to her utmost surprise. "I won't be stubborn, if I need them, I'll take them."

She was nearly sparkling with delight. "Okay!"

Finally, Dallon.

Tyler simply smiled when his feets left the ground, small body lifted by Dallon's long arms. "We'll see you tomorrow?"

"Probably the afternoon," He hummed. "I have a lot to prepare for. Will you come and look for me then?"

"Obviously."

"Duh."

"D'you need to even ask?"

"Children nowadays..."

"Pete you're the same age as us shut up."

"Rude!"

Tyler laughed. "Bye, you losers." He grinned, heart full of love.

As they went away, and he closed the door behind them, their smiles felt like medicine for his wounded head.

He busied himself with cleaning up, a bit disappointed when he was done thirty minutes later. They really took care of everything huh...?

Preparing his school supplies was a breeze, he'll probably have a lot to catch up. So he prepared his clothes, something he never really did before, but he wanted to be ready when they'll come to fetch him.

He bites his lips when he laid his outfit down. He was okay. Black could be happy too, right?

After making himself tea and burning his hand, he sat on the bed and realized that he was in fact, sad.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

He didn't want to see anyone, yet he felt lonely.

A knock on his door made him jump slightly. He looked at the clock, furrowing his eyebrows. It was super late.

Taking the nearest lethal object near him (which happened to be a pan), he cautiously made his way to the door and peered at the eye pole.

The pan hit the floor.

_It was-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ily all <3


	16. Roller coaster (of emotions)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love playing these games too (aka leaving you with a cliffhanger) (not the same games as josh's and tyler's but oh well)  
> please enjoy lovelies <3

 

 

   Tyler was absolutely certain he had the reflexes of a ninja. Considering the fact that he managed to catch the heavy and kind of dead-weight that was Josh right now... Yes, Tyler was awesome and should reconsider his future career.

"Josh? What are you doing here?" He asked, voice comically high. For he may have enough reflexes, it didn't mean that he was less surprised by Josh's presence in his room. At this late hour, nonetheless. The delight was pushed aside by the worry, because what if they got caught?

"I... I missed you." Josh replied without missing a beat, his deep voice resonating in a beautiful lull. Those words were enough to paint red-happiness on Tyler's cheeks, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He turned his head slightly to press his ear on Josh's chest. Being little and barely reaching Josh's biceps had its perks - periodically, only. The neck-ache was a pain most of the time.

Still. "Is that alcohol I'm smelling?" Tyler accused, pushing a bit at Josh's chest to fully see the man. He hardly managed to, Josh's massive hands tightening around his waist.

"Maybe?" The older's man voice was sheepish and so was his voice, it made a bubbly laugh emerge from Tyler's throat.

He let his hand trail up on the hard chest in front of him, ending his journey on the stubble that dotted Josh's jaw. "I'm glad." He hummed gently.

"Yeah?" Josh breathed, biting his lips in that irresistible way that always managed to tie Tyler's stomach in knots.

Tyler's only answer was to close the door behind Josh, eyes fleeting over the small duffel bag that lay on the floor. "You're staying for the night?" He asked, unable to mask the happiness that sprang in his voice. Unable to and _unwilling_ to. They were past those silly moments in a couple in which one didn't want to show that they missed the other. It was clear from day one - Josh and Tyler craved each other to a degree that wasn't far from madness.

No more words, none of those futile exchanges anymore, it wasn't enough. Their gazes were still locked, as Tyler took a reluctant step back. Still no words, no explanations, when Josh got rid of his shoes and took a step forward.

Was it a game? Maybe. Did they let their instincts take over? Probably.

Promises over promises in Josh's powerful strides, the brown that became gold and fingers tugging at his tie. Tyler didn't startle when the back of his knees met the edge of his bed, nothing but a pleased sigh tumbling from his lips when Josh gripped his shoulders. He kept quiet, cheeks beginning to burn and toes curling on the sheets as they fell with the abandon of the craving ones. It seemed like he was trapped, for Josh towered over him without much effort. His big hands pinned the younger boy to the bed - large frame swallowing a smaller built in a display that was nothing short of _erotic_.

Tyler wasn't scared of Josh, never was, never will. So he let this fire spread over his body, allowed Josh to take total control in the arch of his waist and the revealing of his neck. He deciphered a hungry light in Josh's eyes before it all disappeared in a flurry of hot mouths meeting each other and tongues meddling wetly.

"Looking so good down here Ty," Josh whispered in the tight space that separated their mouths, devouring with delight each of the delicious expressions that overtake his young lover's face. "Wanna eat you up."

Tyler gripped Josh's hair and tugged, hard. He wanted and _wanted_. Wanted more of Josh all over him, wanted the man to keep kissing him and whisper those dirty things that he knew managed to turn on Tyler. He wanted and it was never enough, not when Josh bit his lips and explored his mouth roughly just to back off the moment Tyler answered with as much vigor. Not when the man's rock hard erection was rubbing against his inner tight but never in a way that satisfied Tyler's hunger.

He was such a _tease_ , grinning sweetly as his boy whimpered under him. It felt so good, this intimacy, fucking great even.

Josh had missed this so bad. Being able to touch Tyler like that, breathe in deep his arousal and grope the hot and delectable plump of his thighs as he ground down heatedly on his petite body. Missed the eagerness in which Tyler answered his kiss, arching his body upward so that every inch of their limbs touched - oh so _willing_ to be devoured, to have his already red lips ravaged by the bites and licks Josh distributed with no rest.

Out of breath, Josh separated himself reluctantly from that tempting mouth. Already, he felt the tell-tale signs of neediness reach him. Tyler was looking up at him with his wet lips parted, eyes glazed and face flushed in a picture that had Josh's cock jump in _want_.

How Tyler managed to make him as horny as a fucking teenager, Josh still asked himself that question.

There was a lot he wanted to do right now. Like throwing those enticing legs over his shoulders and fuck into that luscious body with no restraints.

But.

No.

He ignored Tyler's complaints as he disentangled himself from the small boy - before he could do something he'll regret later.

_"Josh."_

"I'm so sorry baby-" Josh turned away from the depraved picture that was a messy Tyler on unmade sheets. Damn. He was hard as fuck. "I'll go take a shower real quick."

"Josh I swear to God-" Tyler screamed, throwing the nearest pillow to an escaping Josh. The pillow hit the door of the bathroom and fell on the ground.

Just like Tyler's hopes to get some tonight. Or in the following months, if Josh had this way.

Tyler gripped his hair, sighing. He knew the way Josh was thinking, saw the need and urgency that swam in his lover's eyes - only to be forcefully ignored. He wasn't made of glass, when would Josh understand that...?

 

.... . .... . .... . .... . ....

 

"Tyler..."

"No." The small boy replied curtly, turning away from his boyfriend to check the content of his school bag. It was nothing but a distraction, he knew it and so did Josh. Still. He wasn't going to give in Josh's pleading. That man better learns that Tyler was a tough cookie to crack.

His mindless movements slowed down, as he looked at his sleeves blankly. He knew where Josh was coming from, there was nothing for Tyler to be seriously angry about. The only one he was frustrated with was himself. Deep inside his mind, there was still a touch of fear lurking. Not when Josh touched him, not when he kissed him, not even when his touch became insistent or his arousal pressed firmly against his body in hushed sexual promises.

No. The only thing he feared was himself. He wanted Josh to go until the end because an entire month nearly went away as he recovered and Josh barely kissed him throughout this lapse of time. Tyler had missed him, terribly. He was by his side but he wasn't _really_ with him. He was scared of touching Tyler, scared to trigger a bad reaction or an impromptu panic attack.

Tyler wasn't angry at Josh. He was angry at himself for being so unpredictable. 

Josh was being such a sweetheart and here Tyler was-

"...Baby?" Josh's voice was cautious. His hands immediately went to wrap around Tyler's smaller ones as the boy embraced him around his middle. He couldn't see the expression he was wearing on that angelic face of his but Josh was willing to bet that his lower lip was jutting out in an adorable pout.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you." He heard his boy whisper shyly, voice muffled by the fabric of Josh's jacket.

God. How much cuter could that brat become?

He whirled him around, pushing the surprised boy straight to his chest as he rested his head on the fluffy locks. "It's okay, you little baby."

"Don't forget you slept with that baby, you ass," Tyler huffed, trying to get out of Josh's hold to no avail. The older man grinned.

_"You are what you eat."_

Tyler decided that Josh was going to be okay, after all. "I'm breaking up with you." He deadpanned, trying to not laugh at the fake-gasp his boyfriend pulled.

"You wouldn't!" 

"Try me."

Tyler totally wouldn't. But Josh didn't need to know that. He simply pressed a chaste kiss on the man's lips, lingering a bit to breathe in his aftershave and lose himself in Josh's eyes. They stared at each other for an unknown amount of time, not lost in thought - just lost in each other.

"Loving you is like riding a rollercoaster," Josh mumbled, peppering sweet kisses that felt like rose petals on a smooth face. He slid his hands under Tyler's sweatshirt, humming a bit at the warm skin that greeted his calloused fingertips. Tyler was _always_ so soft and pliant under his palms, it drove him crazy.

The boy smiled, a little coy on the edges. 

"Is it now?" He didn't sound very sorry, fluttering those long eyelashes in an innocent manner. They both knew, though, that there was nothing innocent between the two of them. Josh would probably do things his morals forbade him to, just for Tyler's pretty bambi-eyes and to see a smile adorn his luscious lips. 

Come hell or high water, he thought as he kissed his boy one more time, he was ready to do whatever that was necessary to protect him.

They didn't stop here, nor did they pursue anything, in fear of losing themselves in the feeling of the other, once again. Tyler closed his eyes, listening to their heart beat at the same frequency and there - Tyler wanted to stay right _there_ , with Josh's body encasing him like heaven on earth and his gentle kisses alongside his jaw, pretty words marked on his skin as a declaration of love and a possessive ownership. 

Tyler wanted to stay there but they couldn't. Duty called, right?

"Let's go," And Tyler agreed wordlessly, slipping his hand in Josh's.

He wished he never had to let go.

Yes, Tyler Joseph wished a lot of things. Few of them were ever granted.

That was okay. He chanced a look at Josh as they closed the door to Tyler's room, letting go of each other reluctantly, he was used to getting what he wanted by himself.

 

.... . .... . .... . .... . ....

 

 

School was a pain, Tyler decided as he looked at the pile of textbooks in Dallon's hands. Tyler _really_ didn't like school, right now. He never did but whatever.

"How were you guys able to cover all of this in barely three weeks?" He wondered aloud, nibbling a second later at his sleeves in nervousness. He wasn't bad at academics, even pretty damn smart if he did say so himself. Nevertheless, that was a lot of things to learn if he wanted to pass the next exams with flying colors. He wouldn't settle for less, after all.

(And he wanted to make Josh proud. Something in him was desperate to show the older man that he was more than a pretty face and a bratty personality.)

"We'll help you," Patrick said, sweet as ever. He was quickly joined by their other friends, who supported different degrees of warmth on their faces. Tyler smiled gratefully, a bubble of happiness encasing his heart. They didn't talk about the _incident_ at school, warned off curious people that wondered why Tyler was absent for so long, all of that discreetly and without suffocating him. Life wasn't that much of a bitch when it came to giving him faithful friends.

He let himself fall on Brendon's side, stifling another big smile behind his hands when the other boy threw an arm around his shoulders naturally. It felt good, all of this. A soothing remedy for a confused mind. 

Yes, even Pete's fist in that dude's face was soothing. The guy had no idea of what was personal space, just like a lot of people in this school. Only, he was bolder than all of them combined and tried to flirt with Tyler a little bit too _close_  for his tastes. While old, confident Tyler wouldn't have minded, he was frustrated to observe that his entire body froze up and no words were able to leave his lips.

His mind had totally blanked out, he wasn't here anymore. It was thanks to Patrick's keen eyes and Pete's short-fused temperament that it didn't turn into a disaster. Tyler didn't care that much about his reputation. He attracted attention? Then he dealt with it accordingly.

But people discovering what happened to him? It was a big tear in the thin armor of confidence that he built to keep going, to overcome his social anxiety and every interaction that followed. It was easy to act like a  _slut._ All he had to do was flirt, diss some sassy sentences here and there and people were either strangely charmed or too weirded out to bother him.

Confidence was the trick. Nothing could attain him like that. No bullies, no annoying remarks, _no nothings._

That was before. 

He was brought back to the present when fingers snapped in front of him. Halsey was looking at him with a stern glare, Dallon following behind. "Ty?"

"Yes?" He answered quizzically, blinking when he realized they were all looking at him. A quick look at himself brought him to the realization... That there was nothing wrong with his outfit. "What is it?"

"You didn't eat anything." Declan supplied helpfully, waving at the empty space in front of Tyler at their table.

"What about this morning? Did you have breakfast?" Dallon demanded, tapping a nervous beat with his fingers on his thighs.

Tyler huffed, curling a little bit into Brendon's side. He avoided their gazes. "I don't know, maybe? I think I had milk." 

The bell rang, gaining a slight cheer from Tyler as he jumped from his seat. They were still watching him worriedly and he kind of hated it. He was okay, his situation hadn't worsened or anything like that. He never ate much, what was new? 

"Let's eat together, tonight." 

Tyler furrowed his brows, looking at Jon as he bit his lips. "I don't eat at night. It makes me unable to sleep."

"Nothing much," Alex kept silent until now, exchanging knowing looks with Jack as they rose as well. "Maybe some fruits? Ice cream? We'll just hang out, no pressures."

The small boy nodded reluctantly. It wasn't eating that annoyed him because when it came to eating, he  _could_ eat. He was just... too busy. There wasn't a moment that passed without him thinking about something. So he used to shut his mind up by sleeping around in the past, or drinking until he lost his mind. Nothing he was proud of... but this used to be his coping mechanism. Some people got a hobby, others ate sugary or greasy things to make themselves feel better... While Tyler slept around.

As a consequence, he sincerely forgot to eat, putting that usually necessity into the last position. It wasn't his priority, therefore, it became occasional. 

But if him eating made his friends happier... Tyler could do that.

He smiled. A pretty little thing, a little hesitant on the edges but illuminating his face in a way it never did before.

(Dallon put a hand on his heart, torn between pain and happiness. )

"Okay, you room-hoggers. You can come later tonight but you better bring stuffs to help me catch up!"

Their happy cheers were ridiculous. Tyler felt ridiculous for loving it.

Though, he'll have to warn Josh to not visit tonight. That... put a damper on his mood. 

He fiddled with his phone, wondering if he should send a message to Josh right now or wait a bit. He had no classes with the man, so it would be smart to warn him now. Then again, his friends were all around while Dallon and Halsey flanked his sides like bodyguards, they'll see his screen and ask why he had _this_ kind of messages with their  _teacher._ He knew where this behavior came from. At more than one occasion, the touchy-feely guy aside, he froze up whenever he passed ...  _jocks._ It was stupid. Irrational even but he couldn't help himself. It left a bitter taste in his mouth to be this weak, no matter how much Halsey insisted that  _"it's fucking normal Tyler you're doing great."_. 

How could this be called doing great? 

Tyler muted effortlessly the noises surrounding them, not even glancing around him at the stares they attracted. If he didn't look at them then surely, they couldn't see him either.

"We have poetry." Declan shook him out of his thoughts as he whispered softly. "We seldom have this class, so you missed nothing."

They were only five now, as the other took different courses. Declan, Jon, Halsey, Dallon and himself. 

"One of my favorites," Tyler answered with a small smile, nodding gratefully at Dallon who opened the grand door with a flourish. Tyler could forgive him for being damn tall. This time only.

"You mean, the only class you actually _fully_ attended." Halsey snorted. 

Tyler gave her an innocent look as they reached their assigned seats. "I have _no_ idea what you're talking about."

"Sneaky," Jon approved. Declan gave him an unimpressed stare. 

"Old men aren't supposed to approve this kind of behavior." He muttered, moving swiftly aside when Jon threw his eraser at him, muttering something along the lines of _'brats with no respects.'_

Tyler felt weirdly concerned.

That is before they suddenly all quieted down. Now he was _seriously_ concerned. A discreet glance in the classroom assured him that no one noticed the changes in their little group.

"Wha-What is it? Halsey, what do you have in your hands...?" He demanded, hesitant. Something was screaming inside his head.

Dallon was pale, his composure menacing to fall in pieces which saida lot. It was _Dallon_ they were talking about.

"Please Tyty... Don't panic." 

She only called him that when the situation was dire. He gulped down his nervousness, motioning for her to show him.

He immediately regretted it.

Tyler hid his eyes behind the long sleeves of his pullover to stabilize his furiously beating heart. And maybe to stop the tears of frustration that menaced to spill on his paling cheeks.

 _No need to panic no_ needtopanic _no_ needto _p ani c-_

Oh God, he wanted _Josh._ Why did things like this only happened to him?

There was an envelope in Halsey's hand. The envelope dangled between her fingers, on the brink to fall off, pushed by the much bigger object laying on her palm. 

A morbidly beautiful _heart_. Crystalised, shining heart - frozen in the midst of one last beat as the _redredred_ of the blood was forever immortalized.

On the letter,  _Tyler Robert Joseph_ was written in cursive letters.

Tyler wanted to puke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you hate me yet


	17. Secrets (and skeletons)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He might want to protect both Mr. Dun and Tyler, but keeping secrets is not doing anyone good. We're all in this mess because we've been taught to keep every damn thing secret. I'm done. I really love Tyler. This is not a duty that was assigned to me, this is not a favor I'm paying back for, this is not pity. I'll do what I have to do as the sister he never got to know and no one will stop me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know where this fic is going. It's wild. But you guys don't. And this is so-  
> am I a sadist?  
> prolly...
> 
> i hope you had a good day though  
> feel free to rant if you feel like doing it we're all frens here 
> 
> enjoy <3

 

_Tyler, Tyler, oh, Tyler._

_I am glad to see you back in school, you looked as stunning as ever. Though I also know that you're not as fine as you seem. Fear not, sweet creature, those that bring you harm will be punished accordingly._

_External forces tried to stop the two of us to be reunited. But I took care of that. Just like I will take care of those that oppose our love. Soon... We will be reunited. I cannot wait for this day to happen._

_Never forget, angel, I adore you - always did, always will._

_M._

 

  
   There was a storm brewing in Tyler's heart.

He hadn't said anything after Halsey showed him the contents sitting in the palm of her hands, simply collected the items and put them in his bag, ignoring her soft complaints.

Maybe she was scared of the state of his mental health.

She had every reason to. He had worked on auto-pilot the moment their class had started. Pretty smiles and empty eyes. Tyler was good at that - pretending that everything was alright.

("Do you feel better Tyler? We heard that you fell ill, surely, the change of climate must have gotten to you."

All eyes on him. Worried. Curious.

Pretty smile. Tyler was good at that. "Of course. Thank you for caring."

Skinny jeans and lon pullover, too big, he came off as fragile, all black, a new image? That's what they thought, he could read in their gazes.

A bit shy on the edge, _it can passes of as coy_ , he thought.

It did. They smiled.

Tyler smiled back.)

Everything was alright, really. Everything was going to be okay. Tyler had no traumas, no problems, no creepy secret admirers.

He saw Dallon's concerned glances from the corner of his eyes, but he ignored it. If Tyler did so much as give in his friend's desire to soothe him, there were few chances he'll avoid breaking down here, in front of the whole class.

Tyler had a lot of flaws, being terribly prideful was one of them.

So he clenched his jaw and kept a blank look plastered on his face, nothing but poetry, swimming in the back of his head. Nothing was wrong and everything was alright.

He had the possibility to admit that he was incredibly freaked out. But doing so would also open the door to all of his fears and insecurities, the large pit of anxiety sitting like a monster in his stomach and a general feeling of being ill - and tired.

_Tyler was so tired._

Tired of feeling like he was always on the run, even when he was in a goddamn beautiful island with probably the best educative system he could ever hope for. Tired of having to hide the only relationship he actually wanted to work out. Tired of not feeling comfortable in his own body because some assholes thought it was okay to invade it.

He was fucking tired and when he felt like he could get some peace, something bad just _had_ to happen.

No, Tyler was far from being okay, everything was wrong and nothing was alright. He would just have to pretend the contrary. For the sake of his sanity crumbling slowly in pieces.

"Don't come tonight, none of you." He said immediately when the bell rang, hoisting his bag on his shoulder fluidly. Halsey went to protest but he cut her off. "I'll go and see Jo- Professor Dun. You can accompany me if you'd like."

"Yes." Dallon was quick to agree. He looked like he wasn't going to budge until Tyler was safe and sound in either is room, or with someone worthy of his trust. Namely, Professor Dun.

Tyler wondered what his reaction would be if he knew their beloved teacher screwed his best friend when he wasn't looking.

_Oh well._

He shifted, eyes sliding on the two other figures. They were standing a bit farther from them, looking resigned. Declan was the one to talk. "We'll warn the other, please be careful."

"We will," Halsey said solemnly, shifting back and forth on her heels. Tyler didn't understand why she then asked Dallon and him to go ahead. Still, he obeyed. He wasn't in the mood for any more of those stupid school's secrets.

He was done.

And not even Dallon's one-arm hug managed to brighten his mood. 

 

 

   Halsey watched them go. She seemed to be at war with herself, split between the desire to run after Tyler and hide him from the world, or address a subject they should have talked about long ago to protect him in the best way they could.  

Jon could understand her dilemma. How many times did they restrain themselves to spill everything and ask for Tyler to run as far as he could from this island?

Then again... Where could he hide? Tyler had been trapped the moment he was registered in this school. 

And the danger was lurking on Main Land.

"I wish we could have stopped him from coming here." He blurted, dropping on the floor as a wave of exhaustion hit him. "Who the fuck is after him?"

Declan shook his head. "I don't know, this isn't normal."

"Nothing is normal here, you know that well," Halsey whispered, tightening her arms around her trembling frame. This was getting out of hand, she didn't know how to handle that, this wasn't what they had planned. They were only running from one disaster to another. 

"And you also know what I'm talking about," Declan bit out, clenching and unclenching his fists. "We never had to go through all of this. _They_ are cruel but not to the extent to-" he never managed to finish, expelling a breath harshly as he tried to fight off the tears prickling at his eyes.

Halsey didn't utter a sound as she cried. "To the extent to rape him." The two other boys flinched at her direct statements - and the tears falling silently from her eyes. "That wasn't them, _she_ would have never allowed that. Just like the letter and ... gift ... he received today, that wasn't  _them_ at least not directly."

"This is turning into a bigger mess than we can handle," Jon growled, standing up. "We have to tell him. About this school and-"

"And who's behind the incident." Halsey finished firmly, wiping off her tears. Declan hesitated.

"Professor Frank asked us to not say anything..."

The blue-haired girl shook furiously her head, also standing up. She looked like she could set the world on fire right now, eyes fierce and no trace of her earlier tears. "He might want to protect both Mr. Dun and Tyler, but keeping secrets is not doing anyone good. We're all in this mess because we've been taught to keep _every damn thing_ secret. I'm done. I really love Tyler. This is not a duty that was assigned to me, this is not a favor I'm paying back for, this is not pity. I'll do what I have to do as the _sister_ he never got to know and no one will stop me."

A tense silence followed her statement, where they all looked at each other harshly.

The air changed. It became more... purposeful. "You're not the only one who loves him, Hals." Jon declared, mouth set in a line of hard resolve.

"We're in." Declan finished, nodding.

Halsey wanted to cry in relief. But she couldn't, the worst had yet to come.

 

 

  "-that's what happened." Dallon finished, trying and failing to be discreet as he sneaked small glances at a stoic-looking Tyler. The boy hadn't uttered a word since they left, not even when they arrived at Mr. Dun's bureau, nor when he explained everything that had happened. Their teacher's hardening face could have scared off anyone, what with how pissed he looked. It was comprehensive, though. Tyler was Mr. Dun's charge and yet only bad things kept happening to the small boy - Dallon himself was slowly but surely going crazy.

It was one thing to know the boy would never be able to reciprocate his feelings, it was another to not even be able to protect him as his  _friend._ Dallon had never been this paranoid. He didn't know what the others were talking about but he sure as hell hoped it was about telling Tyler everything. 

They kept him in the dark because they thought it would keep him safe. _Look at how that worked out._

"I see," Mr. Dun muttered. "I will talk to the security guards-"

"We have security guards?" Dallon asked, bewildered. 

Josh nodded. He didn't look fazed at all. "Three teams of ten professional bodyguards are going to be dispatched tomorrow." 

Dallon's mouth opened and closed like a fish. It would have been funny if the situation wasn't so tense and Josh didn't seem so damn serious. The man was an easy-going person, a small and warm smile on his face at all times making him the most loved teacher in this school. Kids and adults flocked to him, naturally. Because Josh was  _kind._ Not because it was his job or that he was forced to, kindness flowed like water from his being - it was something precious _more and more_ people needed nowadays.

Maybe this was the reason why what happened to Tyler upset him so much.

Dallon sighed inwardly. As if. 

There was obviously more to their relationship that everyone knew.

He wasn't in any place to judge. They all had secrets, after all.

"You can go Dallon. Be careful on your way back to the dorm. There's still a lot of people around but you should still stay on your guard." 

See? From stern to  _soft,_ Josh had delivered those parting words with so much gentleness, Dallon would have been left blushing if his heart wasn't already stolen.

Stolen by a boy with the stars in his eyes and rose petals on his cheeks.

He chanced a glance at the boy beside him, surprised to have his look returned steadily.

Tyler offered him a little smile, eyes twinkling slightly. "I was just being a drama queen," the brunet joked. "I'm okay."

Dallon knew he wasn't. But he knew he  _would_ be. 

And so forth, he got up, heart lighter. He had to talk to the others - no more secrets. 

Certainly, there was a lot of risks to unraveling skeletons that were kept in a closet for such a long time.

They would take this risk.

Because Tyler was sure as hell worth it.

So he only hummed, planting a soft kiss on Tyler's forehead as he got up. "Be safe." He whispered.

"I will." The small boy answered immediately, steel in his voice.

That reassured him. 

His lips on Tyler's milky soft skin may have lingered a bit.

However, he went away, keeping Tyler's warmth close to his heart as much as he could.

He didn't see the way Josh's expression hardened.

Or the mischievous light in his little love's eyes.

The door closed.

_"Jealous, Mr. Dun?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love playing with you darling's emotions this is so satisfying  
> should you be scared of the next chapter? look forward to it? try to know what's gonna happen?
> 
> I don't know man ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	18. Wanna be known (by you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I still have no idea about who you really are."
> 
> "Me and you both, Josh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you ever fell into one of your character's mind so deep you started writing his inner thoughts without even thinking about it??? because I just did and wOW Tyler babbled and told me things I didn't even know when I wrote this chapter I am SHOOK
> 
> anyway forgive me and my silly thoughts and please tell me what you think about all of this ayyy 
> 
> enjoy <3

 

 

    Tyler locked the door behind Dallon when the man left, sitting down soundlessly seconds later. Don't get him wrong, he had no hope to score today, but they were probably going to talk about something sensible and he didn't want them to be interrupted.

"This isn't funny, Tyler."

A shrug, jeans-clad legs crossing criss-cross apple sauce as he smiled slightly. "I never said it was."

Josh sighed. A quiet little sound, nearly inaudible. Tyler wished he didn't like it. Sighs weren't supposed to be pretty. But they were when Josh did them. That was unfair, he thought with a frown. "You don't look concerned at all..."

"I'm used to not having control over anything."

He shrugged once again, delicate shoulders moving slightly behind the black material of his pullover. Tyler liked this one. It was black and it felt black. And Tyler liked black.

Josh didn't. Tyler could understand why he did understand why. A not-so-silly reason that made his mouth tug upward in a smile and his heart beat a little faster.

"I still have no idea about who you really are." That made him smile, a little bigger this time.

He let himself fall backward on his chair, head dangling sideways. Trust Josh to blurt things like that out of the blue. Tyler wished he could be surprised about this sudden change of subject. He could have tried to stir the man back toward their previous discussion, have him as jealous as he was seconds ago, test his patience enough to break his control and win a hot and messy make-out session.

He wished he could have played dumb.

But he was neither a good actor or a good liar.

(Weren't those the same thing? Tyler could dwell on that for hours.)

"Me and you both, Josh." He said finally, after a short silence where his eyes turned toward the ceiling. Josh had watched him, was still watching him, as if he was trying hard to decipher what was going on in Tyler's mind.

Hopefully, he'll figure it out. Because Tyler was as confused as him when it came to his mind's inner working.

Tyler perked up when he saw Josh pushing himself away from his desk, watching the man's muscles work with interest. Was he going to get up? Corner Tyler on his comfortable chair and force him to talk? That was good with him.

"Come here," the man said instead, in his usual deep voice that had Tyler squirm in his seat. This combined with the fact that Josh was patting his thighs in an invitation? Tyler could melt on the floor right now.

Instead, he stood up slowly, going around Josh's large desk with his eyes full of wonder and butterflies in his stomach ready to explode the moment he touched Josh. Because that's what happened every time he had the possibility to be near the man. He felt a hunger unlike the others and a desire to forget himself in strong arms and a soothing voice.

Tyler was unable to stay beside Josh during an extended period of time without touching him.

Josh was still watching him intently. What was he thinking about? Tyler lost the count of how many times he asked himself that question. Josh was an open man with his emotions yet Tyler still struggled to read his face, his thoughts, his desires.

That secretly made him insecure.

An arm snaked around his waist in a heartbeat, leaving him with his mouth open in shock on the smirking man's lap. "I love surprising you," Josh whispered, voice husky. Tyler tried to not think too much about the hands kneading his ass. He failed, hiding his moan in the crook of Josh's neck.

Which wasn't that much of a good idea. Josh smelled way too good.

"You're a jealous man." He answered. For Josh wouldn't do things like that usually, this was a clear mark of possession, manhandling Tyler on his lap and asserting the fact that he was _Josh's_.

"I am," Josh hummed, hands never leaving the plump of his boy's behind. Tyler hoped he liked it because he sure as hell did if the little whimpers he tried to hide were anything to go by. "Are you?"

"Yes," Tyler answered without missing a beat. Definitely. He was jealous and possessive and would get pissy and petty whenever Josh spent time with people he didn't know.

Josh didn't look surprised at all, which made Tyler blink in confusion. "You knew?" He asked, not especially intending for Josh to hear - it was more along the lines that he thought aloud.

Tyler often thought. Until he got himself sick and drowned it in something more or less illegal.

"I didn't know if that part of you still applied," Josh supplied, smiling at the mix of confusion and understanding dawning on Tyler's face. "You weren't ashamed to show how jealous you felt when you were tiny!"

Tyler snorted, his thought process being once again disturbed by the sheer unpredictability of Josh's words. He never knew on which feet to dance with that man - and maybe that was for the best.

Did it force Tyler to be... genuine? Perhaps. He became unable to plaster some false emotion on his face and pretend that he was someone he clearly wasn't. But it also left him vulnerable, defenseless.

Josh may have felt that, for he brought Tyler's face closer to his and rubbed his cheekbones with a big, warm hand. "Those cheekbones of yours are so sharp... I'll have to be careful to not hurt myself with them," He said, probably not intending to say it aloud. It made Tyler snicker, he had been told that before. "what's wrong pumpkin?"

Staying silent wasn't an option. Josh would probe him so much he'll end up spilling more than he was willing to. Tyler hesitated for only a fraction of seconds. "I'm still searching myself." He confessed, closing his eyes as he leaned in Josh's hand. "I thought I knew who I was... But I keep being proved wrong. I'm just confused now."

Doing whatever he wanted, he convinced himself he didn't care about what people thought. Wrong. Confident, he thought he was. Wrong. Comfortable with his sexuality - maybe, maybe not, he didn't know anymore.

"Baby...?" There was an edge of panic in Josh's voice, it's only then that he realized tears were slowly dripping down his face. He tried to wipe them away but Josh was faster, thumbs collecting the clear droplets as he cupped Tyler's face with an unbearable tenderness.

"I'm fine," Tyler breathed, opening his eyes to face a blurry Josh. "It was raining inside my head and my eyes were the vessel – that's it."

Those words felt familiar on the tip of his tongue, so much that it made him blink his tears away faster and stare at Josh in shock. The man smiled, and Tyler fell in love once again.

"You body says you're okay but your eyes don't," Josh whispered an echo to that same answer he gave Tyler months ago. "You're Tyler Joseph, pursued by a certain Liprophenia but never giving up against her. You're good at lying to yourself and everyone else. That's okay,  though, there's a heart of gold behind all that glass." He kissed Tyler on his cheek, then the other, hands going down the boy's tiny body to rest on a dipped-in waist. "We'll go at your pace, we'll discover you _slowly_."

"I want to be known by you. You and only _you_. That's all I want." Tyler whispered back, unable to raise his voice above a hush, in fear of being choked by emotions and trigger another crisis of tears... no, rain. It rained a lot in Tyler's head.

Josh's hands on his hips were like an anchor to reality. They were big and warm and Tyler wanted to laugh instead of crying.

And wasn't that amazing? Being with someone that stopped your tears just by being _there_?

"I'll do my very best," Josh promised. His resolve was diamond-like and so were his eyes.

Tyler believed him like he never believed anyone before.

So he tugged the man down, nimble fingers losing themselves in locks as red as the moon the day their paths crossed once again. He kissed him, slowly - but with a certainty that left his bones rattling and his heart swell in happiness. Josh's lips were supple under his, warmer than his hands and sweeter than his caresses. It was an innocent peck, two pairs of lips conveying trust and everything in between by a simple touch.

Josh deepened the kiss and Tyler wasn't scared anymore. The grip on his waist tightened and he enjoyed it more than he did before, loved the fingers that pushed his pullover up and grazed his skin reverently. It felt so good, you know? A hum besides his ears and a warm breath fawning over the right side of his face, made him arch into Josh's body and feel tight muscles against his lanky self.

Too busy lost in pleasure last time, here, it made him feel both insecure and aroused. Josh was so... good. And Tyler wasn't, not really. So he hid his face in the crook of the older man's neck, but that same man wasn't having any of that. "What's wrong doll?"

See? He was so goddamn good. Tyler revealed the red of his face and his frustration in slender fingers gripping Josh's shirt. "My body... it's all small. I don't have muscles like yours, I have curves even though I'm a boy and-"

Josh tugged him in for a hard kiss and Tyler forgot whatever he was going to say, linked his arm fluidly around Josh's sturdy shoulders and cried out when his lips were bitten raw.

Josh chuckled. It was a low, husky sound, full of barely-contained arousal and hundreds of desires ready to be exploited. Tyler shivered, blinking up confusedly at the older man. "Wha...?"

"Can't you feel that?" Josh asked, not waiting for an answer before he thrust up, grounding Tyler's hips at the same time and- yeah, Tyler could definitely feel _that_. "'got me horny in no time darling."

Tyler wanted to ask why, how, what even- yet words were unable to escape his lips, he just wanted to forget himself in Josh's tantalizing heat, so he did.

It was not arousal only that fuelled their next kiss, it was a mix of trust and a deep want to _show_ the other just what they did to them. Tyler groped without an ounce of shame the dips and hardness of Josh's shoulders, biting the man's lips and invading that hot mouth seconds after. It was positively filthy, the way their tongues played with each other, the sounds that Tyler made whenever Josh rolled his hips upward and took the opportunity to stroke his ass like he had every right to.

And he did, he absolutely did. Tyler hoped he knew that, broke their kiss and made _sure_ he knew that with a flutter of long eyelashes and a pout formed by ravaged lips. Josh's eyes darkened, a sexy kind of dark that professed a deep shade of eroticism.

"You look so fucking good," Josh growled, ripping a cry of surprise from Tyler as he stood up with the small boy wrapped around him. "I want to do so many _bad_ things to you."

"Why don't you?" Tyler challenged, taking a thousand year of self-control to not stutter at the effect Josh had on him. "What're you waiting for _Mr. Dun_?"

He was thrown on the desk as an answer, a powerful body pushing hard against his as hands slammed down beside his head. Tyler smirked, not even bothering to hide the full-body shiver that this motion induced.

Josh was there, he was _everywhere_. His scent, his warmth, his body, Tyler could feel all of it. He could feel his harsh breathing, could feel that Josh restrained himself from doing something more, could feel that the man was fucking _hard_ , cock throbbing against Tyler's thigh.

"I'm gonna do it," Josh warned, trembling. Was it Tyler that threw his legendary self-control at the wind? He sure as hell hoped so. "I'm going to make love to you- hard. Harder than last time, so hard you're going to fucking cry and beg me for _more_."

Tyler never nodded so damn hard. He didn't care if he was whining like a fucking bitch, so excited that the arms around Josh trembled and he had to bite down on the man's shoulder to stop himself from crying.

"Such a pretty baby," Josh cooed, kissing Tyler's neck eagerly, uncaring about the red marks he left on the tanned skin. "turning on daddy so much."

Tyler moaned at that, a gasp of arousal leaving his mouth against his will as he rubbed Josh's robust back fervently. He felt the man smirk against his neck, those big hands still busy down there on Tyler's hips. He felt so hot, was pretty sure sweat started to pearl on his forehead with how turned on he was- but how couldn't he be? Josh just called himself Daddy, Tyler swore he was in heaven.

"m'want you so bad," He slurred, closing his eyes in front of the assault of emotions. He was sure Josh was being slow on purpose, strong hands tugging Tyler's pullover down to kiss over his shoulders lovingly. It should be a crime to be so teasing, to make Tyler's heart beat just to stop seconds later.

Yet, he knew the man was still excited. He could feel his cock hardening with each second that went, scorching and insistent against Tyler's thigh- it was driving him crazy.

"I'm going to strip you down now." Josh wasn't asking a question, that was what he was going to do. But there was a demand of consent behind his authoritative tone, his sweet and gentle personality showing behind his tremendous arousal. Tyler resigned himself to fall in love a little bit more every time the man opened his mouth.

Josh was _gorgeous_ , Tyler decided. A monumental level of handsome and such a damn gentleman even when it was clear how turned on he was. Thus, one didn't need to be a genius to know that Tyler said _yes_ , voice soft and silky as he tugged at Josh's chemise, almost coy.

He had to repress a giggle at the groan that left Josh's mouth, moaning instead when lips fell on his in a hard kiss. Blind undressing, Tyler couldn't keep his eyes open when Josh kissed him. He was either weak or Josh was insanely good, probably a mixture of both because the next time he got out of his daze, his pullover was being pushed over his head and lips danced on the tan expanse of his skin.

Tyler didn't have the opportunity to feel insecure, he was thrown into a secret world where everything felt good and Josh playing with the hem of his jeans sent sparks of excitement straight to his cock.

"Let me," Tyler spoke in a quiet voice, shivering at the prospect of what had yet to come. He beckoned Josh closer, pleased when the man bent down immediately, looking as if he was just as eager as Tyler was to please and answer to his every demand.

It was as if every caress gave him back his confidence, every button on Josh's shirt he fumbled with fed the fire on his stomach. And it did, oh Lord it _did_.

Tyler pushed the shirt off Josh's sturdy frame, never looking away from him. He had to bite back a moan as his eyes roamed the exposed chest. How could anyone look so good?

"Like what you see?" Josh challenged, backing off slightly and leaving his perfect build for Tyler to see, to admire, to feed off and whisper _"mine"_. Josh was all about pale skin and delicious freckles, Tyler wanted to lick each of them, wanted Josh to be so pleased he'll keep Tyler pinned on this desk and ram inside his body so hard Tyler would scream to his heart content. He wanted Josh to _bruise_ him, to leave purple marks on his body that Tyler would caress when he'll feel lonely and have his every thought revolves around Josh.

"I love it," He admitted in a mousy voice, choked by his twisted desires and valiantly trying to keep his tears at bay. But Josh saw them and swooped down to take Tyler in a bruising kiss, his grip so harsh it made Tyler nod in perverse happiness. "Love it so much J."

"I got you doll," There was a controlled inclination in Josh's husky voice, as opposed to the rough way he took Tyler's jeans off, low hum of approval dancing with the hollow sounds of the wind as his eyes fell on the gorgeous sight that was Tyler's milky flesh clad in dark blue panties, cock already leaking with precum. "so naughty for me hmm?"

Tyler didn't even try to deny it, biting his lips and arching his waist expertly to expose more of himself to Josh's hungry gaze. He watched the older man drink him in like a starved man, clutch his hips then his ass adoringly, let out a harsh and aroused breath when his hard crotch was fondled deliciously. "All for you," He said, at last, throwing an arm over his head as he looked at Josh behind eyelids heavy with lust.

A hiccup of surprise escaped him when Josh rolled their hips together, surprise melting away in a pleased whine provoked by the friction. "Y'better hurry up if you don't want me to come right now," Tyler muttered, glaring up at Josh who only answered with a breathy laugh.

Tyler would have been offended by the man's calm attitude. But none of that, for he knew that Josh was anything but calm. Call it intuition or the salacious things that were muttered on his lips in the middle of a filthy kiss.

"You're so _fuckable_ baby," Josh swore, knuckles white, as though he was stopping himself from doing something _bad_. Which was silly because Tyler _wanted_ him to do something bad. He parted his lips, momentarily breathless as he watched Josh take off his belt, his movements _slow slow slow_ , throwing the belt across the room roughly as he tugged his pants down, nothing but a tightly-fitting pair of boxer hugging his manhood.

Tyler felt like he was suffocating, head swimming with dirty and thrilling thoughts of that literal god above him, giving whatever he decided tyler's humble body deserved. He thought he was going to snap when Josh palmed himself without breaking eye contact once. Oh, how he wanted.

He wanted so bad, that when Josh came back to him, boxers disappeared somewhere under them and body glowing gloriously - Tyler literally _cried_ , holding on Josh's shoulders for dear life as the man rutted against him like they were animals in a fucking heat.

Indescriptible melodies of husky grunts and high-pitched moans, it probably was the unbearably hot way Tyler was rubbing himself against him, but Josh's control seemed to break at one point and he didn't waste one more second before he jerked his cock to keep himself from coming right here and inserted two lubed fingers up Tyler's ass.

Tyler wasn't ashamed to say he screamed.

"So fucking tight," Josh hissed, pumping his fingers in and out the boy's ass mercilessly. Tyler wanted to come just by watching the awe on the man's face, the bobbing of his Adam apple when he gulped. "Wished you knew darling, how fucking hot it is to see my large fingers penetrate your tight little ass."

And Tyler _yielded_. He gave up any sense of control and threw his head back as he let out a string of contented curses. He had no idea what to do with his hands, his legs - heck, his body. The hand that wasn't wrecking havoc inside him stroked his thigh as a strained voice muttered things that would have left the dirtiest pornstar red in shame.

"please J," he whined, breathless. "m'not made of glass!"

"Oh I know baby boy," Tyler whined when the fingers left him, feeling so damn empty he had to restrain himself to not turn around and hump his leaking cock against the damn desk. "but I _am_ going to break you."

Tyler came. He came like he never came before, voice breaking somewhere in a high pitched yell and white spurts painting his tanned chest. He fucking came untouched, how even-?

"Holy shit this is some heavy spank material," Tyler heard Josh mutter, and really, he was too far gone to laugh like he usually would - because Josh sounded so damn serious he was certain the man would jerk off at the thought of Tyler coming untouched.

And if that didn't make him excited, Josh throwing his legs on his shoulders as he rubbed his aching cock on his ass sure as hell did. "Oh my god J," He sobbed, feeling overwhelmed and loving every second of it.

Josh gave him an innocent smile - as innocent as he could with his student thrown on his working desk and his aching cock ready to enter a pinkish tight ring of muscle.

 _Oh the sin_ , Tyler thought as his face flushed all over again.

"Always wanted to do that," Josh watched Tyler's expression fall in a wrecked one as he entered the small boy in a harsh, unforgiving thrust. "wanted to fuck my good boy on the same desk I grade his papers on."

His voice was pure, liquid sex, Tyler was absolutely gone for this man. He arched his waist to meet Josh brutal thrust but oh - he couldn't keep up, couldn't do anything but let himself be bent in half as Josh pounded into him, adamant to break his small body like he promised to.

"feels so good Mr. dun," he babbled, fisting his hands in Josh's red curls and feeling himself be weirdly lulled by the obscene noises of his asshole being entered again and again at a hard pace, the sound of Josh's shuddering groans going straight to his crotch.

"You're doing it on purpose aren't you baby?" Josh grunted, his pace relentless, nearly punitive as he got out of the boy only to slam back to the hilt in the tight heat encasing his cock, ripping a filthy scream from his little one as the sole answer.

His pace was so rough, primitive in his movements, bruising Tyler with each of his kisses and the unforgiving grip he had on those narrow hips.

It hurt, there was no denying it, but that probably was what turned them on so much. Tyler had never seen Josh like that. He looked like a whole new person, a different kind of god above him, chest glistening with the effort he pulled in fucking Tyler over his desk and eyes dilated with such a hunger Tyler was sure only him ruined would ever satisfy.

"Josh pleaseplease-"

The man smirked, drinking in his boy's wanton moans. "I got you, baby." And he did, oh he did. His hand sneaked between their two bodies, painting a pornographic portrait as he jerked the boy off at the same pace as he pounded into him.

Tyler was sobbing by the time Josh's hips stilled into a mind-blowing orgasm, lips sealed by the man's hips and ass filled with cum. It drips down his bruised thighs - positively lewd, and Josh watching this with so much satisfaction was a brand new level of filthy.

"You're shameless," Tyler muttered, his body aching all over.

"Yeah well, you're a tremendous amount of cute and sexy as fuck, what's new?" Josh answered, laughing quietly.

And if he was as breathless as if he just ran a marathon, Tyler's satisfied smirk was answer enough.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha bet you darlings didn't know I was going to write smut huh  
> shit smut but STILL
> 
> As it is, get on your knees ya'll sinners  
> *clears throat* forgive me, Father, for I have sinned-


	19. shaking hands with the dark part of my thoughts (no)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I needed to have a date with myself."
> 
> "And..."
> 
> "It was terrible."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi <3  
> do you know by any chance The 1975? hm? :^)
> 
> enjoy enjoy~

  
  When he looked at the angelic features of a sleeping Tyler, Josh wondered if what happened last night was nothing but a dream.

It obviously wasn't if the scratch marks on his back and the numerous bruises on Tyler's skin were anything to go by. Goodness, had he been possessed? He hadn't _made love_ to his young lover, he had thoroughly _screwed_ the boy until he was sobbing and holding on to Josh for dear life.

The guilt and arousal swimming in him at the thought made his head ache. What was wrong with him?

Josh wasn't a man of impulsions, he always made sure to careful tuck his darker desires in the back of his mind and carry on with a pleasant smile. It wasn't hard, for he was empty most of the time. Not only devoid of those negative feelings but also of the positive ones. Happiness, want, eagerness- he rarely experienced all of that.

He had always been an _empty, empty, empty_ man. Kindness was taught to his siblings and himself by his parents, then it came naturally as he grew up. Of course, not being this way was simply inconceivable. Yet, no feelings, still. 

Four-year-old Josh would rather tidy his room by himself than go play with his friends. Seven-year-old Josh favored a to-do list instead of the wild and spontaneous ways of those around him. Twelve-year-old Josh gave logical and stoic solutions to his crying sister instead of comforting her like his parents and friends would, for the simple reason that he had to idea how to  _comfort,_ how to properly feel. Fifteen-year-old Josh never felt insecure in his life and didn't understand why everyone else did. Friends and parents were confused about the fact that kind, smart and loved Twenty-year-old Josh's last relationship failed once again.

They knew, though, that there was something wrong with their older son.

No, more like something _missing_.

A soft, breathy sound made his attention return in the blink of an eye on the boy beside him. Warmth spread immediately in his eyes. Tyler made him feel so many things without even being awake... Protectiveness, possessiveness, desire and more than anything- _love_.

Falling in love with this boy was like getting pieces of himself that he never knew he missed- until he felt them for the first time.

It was overwhelming. Day by day, discovering himself thanks to Tyler. As a result, he had asked him this question yesterday. It had been a fleeting thought, a passing one he had blurted out like he always did. And it led to... that. Another part of himself discovered. One that loved to _dominate_ , loved to have his boy powerless under him. It felt like Tyler was all his then - and _only his_. His to love, his to adore, his to worship.

It was scary. Unnatural, dare he say.

But Josh had never been normal. 

People just assumed he was.

Tyler moved, as he always did when he was sleeping. He had an agitated sleep, whether it was because of his recurring nightmares or his unbeknown to himself decision to make his daily physical activity by punching and kicking in his sleep. Josh couldn't remember the number of time he woke up on the edges of the bed with Tyler's tiny feet snuggled to his chest. Josh didn't like feet. No one liked feet. But Tyler's feet were the cutest thing okay, Josh just wanted to reach out and tickle them until Tyler was laughing like the cutie he was.

So he did.

"ah-I- _hahaha-"_

Josh bite his lips to stop himself from smiling like a fool.  _What an angel._

"Hello Ty," He whispered, planting feather-like kisses all over the laughing boy's face. Sparkling eyes opened to fix themselves in his, light, devoid of the lingering sadness and melancholy that usually stick to Tyler like a leech. 

His boy looked happy, all pretty giggles and flushed cheeks. Josh felt his heart swell with love once again.

"H'llo Jish," Tyler breathed, untangling himself from the sheets to go curl on Josh's sides. It was so natural, Josh thought, Tyler had re-arranged himself to be near Josh without even thinking about it. That made him happy for no reasons.

So, he cupped a rose-tinted cheek and kissed the sleepy boy. Tyler answered it eagerly.

Josh was happy. 

"You okay?" He asked, worry starting to eat at him. Tyler's movements were stiff. Don't get him wrong, the boy would never come close to graceful with how clumsy he was; but he wouldn't wince at every tiny move either.

Tyler gave him an amused smile, making him raise a brow. Had he said something funny? "My bones are aching," He began, tracing Josh's sleeve slowly. "But it feels good. It's aching in a good way if you know what I'm talking about." Cue eyebrows-wriggling. 

Josh rolled his eyes. "You're such a pervert."

"Don't wanna hear this from the guy with a daddy kink." Tyler rebutted, stomping his feet to get Josh's attention. As if he hadn't all of it, already. Josh could hardly function normally when he was in the same room as this boy. He became hyper-aware of everything - even the way he  _breathed._

It wasn't difficult, then, to understand that Tyler wanted a bath. He mulled over an answer as he scooped the boy into his arms, careful to not put too much pressure on the blossoming bruises.

"I didn't know I had one before." He answered honestly, embarrassment flooding in slowly. Tyler, bratty as he was, smirked and poked at his red cheeks. "Stop poking me you brat."

"No way," The boy huffed, his over arm dangling imperiously from over Josh's shoulder. "You never blush, this is an opportunity for me."

Josh gave him a blank stare, adjusting his charge to push open the bathroom door and get what they'll need for the bath. Tyler let himself be moved without a word, content, it seemed, by only observing Josh with a smug look on his pretty face. 

It was cute. But Josh wanted to kiss that smug smirk off his face.

Which wasn't a good idea. Things would escalate and they'll probably end up doing something inappropriate in the bathtub. 

Tyler seemed to have the same idea, if he was reading well in the hopeful look the boy shot him. 

Josh turned on the hot water. No hint of cold because his boy liked his baths and showers scorching. 

"No." He answered the pending question like the mature adult he was, waving triumphantly the package of strawberry-scented bath bombs from under the numerous ones that found their place in his bathroom.

"You're no fun, old man." 

"Can't keep up with you youngsters..." He faked cracking his back, a smile forming on his lips when Tyler laughed.

He was so pretty when he laughed. Or smiled. Or cried. He was always pretty. Much more when he was happy, but Josh accepted all of him - they were pieces of Tyler and he liked Tyler. More of Tyler was always good.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" 

Tyler's tone was worried. Josh's looked up from his task to see him biting on the sheets around his body, his oh so expressive eyes watching him warily. 

(When he was naked, Tyler preferred to wear the sheet they slept in instead of wearing a night shirt. Josh found that habit too cute to protest.)

Josh blinked. "Why wouldn't I be, Ty?"

"Well..." The boy's eyes went on the pinkish water, body already heating up thanks to how warm it was in the bathroom. "You're always worried whenever we-" He interrupted himself to make a vague motion between the two of them. His hand stayed on Josh's arm. "I want you to know that I'm okay. I really am. I feel like I discovered a new part of you if that makes sense...?"

He curled up a little bit more in Josh's arms, just like he always did whenever he doubted. Tyler was often in doubt.

There was a beat of silence, where Josh took the time to carefully think about what he was going to say. Tyler hummed lowly to give him the go when he tugged on the white sheets he was cocooned in, though.

So Josh finally found his words when they were both cuddled up in the warm bath.

"I'm okay... Because I know you are." Tyler swatted his arm, probably because he thought the answer was cheesy and untruthful. Sometimes, Josh wished Tyler would stop doubting his feelings. "Really, baby." He kissed the top of his head, trying to put as much sincerity in his words as he could.

Tyler turned around to look at him from where he was situated, in between Josh's legs and back touching the man's hard chest. 

His hair was lightly stuck to his face, water droplets making his lithe body shine airily. Josh was a bit transfixed. "Okay." And he turned around.

Josh knew he was still doubting. He chewed on his lips, debating on the thoughts battling inside his head.

"You looked different before and after we did it," He started, stopping Tyler from turning around once again by tightening his grip around the boy's small frame. Tyler tensed but relaxed soon enough when Josh planted a kiss on his neck. He became a puddle then, to Josh's utter amusement. "It's like... The things I told you, the way I treated you, it's like they had a different effect on you than it normally does. I know that it's not some kind of kink, it's deeper than that and you can't fool me."

"Josh-" Tyler had tensed once again, no amount of Josh's gentle caresses lessening the fright that took over his body's language. Josh wished he hadn't said anything. But he knew it was important.

"You were  _peaceful_. Happier."

"Sex has this effect on people, Josh." Tyler whispered, giving up on getting out of Josh's grip. He just played with the water, staring at his reflection.

Josh wanted to know what was going on in his pretty little head, so _bad_.

"Not like that," He whispered. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Josh released his tight grip as if he was setting Tyler free. But the boy just craned his head upward, confusion and doubt swimming in his head. "I'm not sure myself," He confessed. "Kiss me? Please?"

And so, he did. Pulled Tyler on his lap and poured enough of his emotions to settle Tyler's fears but not too much as to not let the boy run away. Josh knew the intensity of his own feelings. If he was Tyler, he would have run away long ago.

"I'll have to go." Tyler breathed on his lips, eyelashes fluttering oh so prettily on his cheeks. Josh knew that because he was a creep and opened his eyes to look at how gorgeous his young lover was.

Then, the words caught up to his brain. "I beg you pardon?"

"Calm down," Tyler was quick to sense his panic. "It's Saturday, I'm just going to go and explore the island. I need to get away from this school."

"I'm coming with you." Josh shot back, his mind going haywire. "What if something happens?"

Tyler was in a possible danger. The boy himself seemed to often forget it - or he didn't give a damn. Josh had a suspicion the death of his parents gave him more issues than he was aware, but he wasn't going to fight him on this for now. Not until he knew he was safe and sound.

Pouting, the brunet shove at his chest, no heat in his movement. "Staying together all the time is bad for a couple," he said weakly, crossing his arms.

"We're better than everyone else." Josh supplied helpfully. He wasn't bulging on this, hell no.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Stay away when I tell you to," He muttered, dead-serious. "I need this alone time, I really do."

"And I need you to be safe," He raised his hands in defeat when Tyler gave him a resentful glare. He didn't want his boy to be mad at him, no way, Josh would go crazy. "But alright, I'll be far behind. Near enough to protect you if anything happens but I'll be so discreet you won't even see me."

"Right. I'll believe it when I'll see it."

Josh laughed and kissed the suspicion away from his face.

 

 

  He was in a dilemma. 

On one hand, this was the perfect opportunity. With how things were going, he wasn't going to have many chances to get Tyler alone. The school had insanely tightened their security, making it impossible for him to even set foot in the school. He could never have guessed the headmaster would go that far. Did she know who they were? Not impossible. 

The only access he had was within the dormitories. Yet, Tyler was always with someone even then, or he wasn't in there altogether but with that damned  _Joshua Dun._

Just thinking about the man made him furious. He just wanted to go punch his perfect self and steal his Tyler away- but he couldn't. 

Josh may be fooling everyone with his happy-go-lucky false persona but he knew better. The man was strong, he had seen the state of those dirtbags who dared to lay a hand on Tyler. 

They were still in a coma. Not in any danger of dying, but still. Josh was strong enough to fight five, more than healthy boys by himself and actually beat them enough to put them in a  _coma._

He wasn't a fool, making a move right now wouldn't be a good idea.

Just watching, for now, was okay, like always.

He had to make his Tyler understand that he was on his side.

Look like a second letter was due soon. 

 

 

Okay, so maybe it was a good idea to make Josh come with him.

He felt watched  _again._ And not the paranoïa-induced 'I-feel-like-someone-is-watching' or even Josh's gaze, for when he turned around and exchanged glances with his boyfriend, he still felt as is someone was observing him. It made everything more real and he hated that so much.

Plus, no matter how cool spending six hours laying in a field of flower that opened itself on the ocean was, he was starting to feel lonely. And tired. And sad. Very sad. 

The view was beautiful and having a bit of time just by himself to think was great. Yet... The answers he got from meditating like Zack taught him, were nothing but bad news. He wasn't sure how to talk with the man now. 

You could learn a lot about yourself in this lapse of time, even more, when you put this off for weeks because you were too scared. He hated that, this, everything. He didn't want to sit down and think about the numerous things that were wrong with him. Because he didn't want to come to term that-

He had serious issues.

And so many  _doubts._ He just wanted to give up and embrace Liprophenia whole-heartedly. Embrace this dark, pessimistic Tyler who told him to give up. The same one that had suspicious about the death of his parents, the same one who told him it was a good idea to pick up drinks drugs and sex when he was fucking fourteen-year-old.

That was enough to make him pissed. No way was he listening to this Tyler.

He got up.

_Not going to shake hands with the dark parts of my thoughts._

He may not be strong, but he wasn't a coward either. He may hate himself most of the time, but that didn't mean he was able to disregard the fact that other people did. People that matter, people that cared.

Tyler had doubts, so many doubts. He had issues too, so many of them. He didn't want to confront them, but he was going to. For himself and... For Josh. His friends, Zack, his little  _siblings._

Oh God, Maddy and Jaybird. How were they?

Tyler felt terrible.

How could he have been so selfish?

_You really are the worst._

He was going to agree. Until he decided not to. It was hard but he wouldn't give up. He had problems to resolves and the past to enlighten- for a better future. To be able to give, what those that carried him until here deserved. He was going to be there like they've been here for him.

It was both a resolution and a promise.

He took a deep breath, tightening his hold on the blue-purple flowers in his hands as he went back where he knew Josh's car was. It didn't take much time for him to arrive, and he collapsed in the passenger's seat with the grace of an elephant.

Josh was silent. Tyler appreciated it. What a man.

"I needed to have a date with myself." 

"And..."

"It was terrible."

Josh blinked, looking at Tyler's radiant face. "Huh... You don't look sad at all."

"I know." He leaned over, tugging at the man's shirt. They lips met naturally in a kiss. Josh took him just as naturally on his lap, hands tucking themselves in the small of his waist. He liked to talk about how much he adored all the dips and curves on his body, and Tyler would blush and push him away, while secretly liking it. Josh knew that. "But I've got answers."

He had. Lot of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could you guys think at the same time as Tyler did because I could and I'm so proud of my boy he's growing up *sobs*  
> oh well *wipes tears and smirks* he'll need it
> 
> and if you guys are wondering where Tyler went to think... https://www.mountainhikingholidays.com/slideshows/acores/data1/images/img_9203.jpg 
> 
> This is a view in Flores Island, where the story is taking place. o/
> 
> I'll stop babbling now, have a good day! or night I dunno I live in France


	20. Gonna protect you (Gonna baby you.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're... not disgusted?"
> 
> "I may or may not be falling harder for you thanks to that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter should answer the stuffs they talked about in the bathtub scene and some part of Tyler's personality (((;
> 
> (I hope you'll like it i'm feeling very blue and needy y i k e s)
> 
> enjoy! <3

 

  

  They went back at home quite late, and Josh blamed it all on Tyler. It was the first time they took the car together and _damn_ wasn't Tyler cuter than everything when he hummed at the same time as the songs on the radio, just to complain seconds later.

"They're so heartless Josh," He had said, waving his hands erratically. "No soul at all. If I ever become a singer, I'll never let anyone put my songs on the radio!"

Josh had to stop the car on the side of the road to kiss the boy senseless.

So, yes. It was all Tyler's fault.

"We should visit the island next time. Like, a real visit. Together." The boy suddenly exclaimed after staring at the wall intensely. Josh had - bemusedly - watched him take off his shoes in a swift moment then drop on the floor in the living room. In front of a wall.

Not the fluffy couch he so dearly loved, nor the soft carpet he adored to roll into while Josh burned their dinner in the kitchen. No.

Josh tidied up their things slowly, working on auto-pilot as he tried to process Tyler's odd actions. It wasn't the first time the boy did something strange out of the blue, Josh was starting to see a pattern in there.

No, his boy wasn't crazy. It was something more complex.

He glanced back at the small brunet and found him still staring at the wall like it detained all the answers in the world.

"Hey, love?"

Tyler immediately looked away from his sudden point of interest, blinking up slowly at Josh. "Yeah?"

"You okay?" He squatted down at the level of the younger boy, putting a tentative hand on his knee. Tyler entwined their fingers immediately, humming. His eyes seemed to be lost on a scene Josh couldn't see, and his mind wandering in places he couldn't visit. Josh wished he wasn't jealous of the worlds his little love escaped to when he let himself go. It was starting to be a bit pathetic, even for a fool in love like himself.

"I am," Tyler squeezed his hand in reassurance, smiling sweetly at him. Lovely dimples appeared on his cheeks as he fixed his sparkling eyes on his partner. "I was wondering about life." Quietly, warmly, he finished.

Saying something back wasn't something Josh could do, right now. A lot of questions were running around in his mind, pleading him to free them and tumble from his lips for Tyler to understand, for Tyler to explain because _Josh didn't understand and it was so frustrating._

Instead, a weak smile played on his lips as he nodded. Baby steps.

Something like the remains of freshly picked out strawberries, mixed with the rain in winter – that was how Tyler smelled right now. He didn't wear perfume, he hated it. Just like this, when the younger boy entered his welcoming arms and curled his small body around him, it smelt all fresh and sweet and oh so pleasing, Josh felt his worries melt away.

"Will you tell me?" He breathed in Tyler's neck, hazy on this delicate scent and the softness of tan skin.

A petite hand carded his red locks. He closed his eyes, living. Right here, with Tyler, a bit later than nine in the afternoon and seated on the ground in front of a wall.

Only Tyler.

"I wanted to. Then I changed my mind. I'm scared."

"Tyler-"

"But I want to give you what you deserve. I'd love to go on day by day and see what happens, but that doesn't work with you Josh, I know it." Always delicate, his hands were, as he cupped Josh's jaw and stroked his stubble. "I want you to be as happy as I am in this relationship, I want to return the happiness you're giving me."

"You make me happy. All the time." Words easily spoken, words entirely true. Tyler couldn't even doubt, his fears shivered in the back of his mind at the pure and honest truths shining in Josh's hot chocolate on a freezing night's eyes.

That man was always so good to Tyler.

It was a silence that had no meaning, strangely, just two lovers looking at each other and at lost about what to do.

Finally, the brunet broke it with a heavy sigh, his little body falling fearlessly into Josh's chest. The arms that immediately embraced his waist made his nervousness tone down if only a little.

Tyler feared that what he was about to do would be a mistake. A big one.

"Call Zack, please." He muttered, trying to chase away the knots forming in his stomach. The determination that had enveloped his whole mind when he was in the safety of Mother Nature's arms... was nowhere to be found. He was _so so so_ scared right now, Josh couldn't begin to understand the half of it.

"Zack? What for?" His lover seemed confused. And reluctant. Tyler couldn't blame him, contacting the brother of the boy you were dating without his permission didn't seem very appealing.

"Please bear," Tyler cooed, batting his long eyelashes up at the man, knowing perfectly the kind of effect it had on Josh. "Y'need to tell him those oddities you noted about my behavior, he knows all about it!"

Josh was trying hard to resist, but Tyler could see in the bobbing of his Adam apple and the shifting of his eyes that he wouldn't deny him.

"I..."

"Please please please bear!" Tyler whined, jutting out his lower lip as he jumped up and down on Josh's lap.

"Tyler baby- alright alright don't _bounce_ like that!"

Head slightly sideways and wondering eyes, Tyler realized with an excruciating slowness that Josh was starting to get hard.

A slow, devious smile curled up his red lips as he looked at the squirming man. "You're going to talk to my big bro' with a hard on?" He breathed, tracing odd patterns on Josh's skin.

The man gave him a look caught in the middle of exasperated and agonizing.

"You _do_ realize that it is highly inappropriate right? I'm going to have to rethink a whole scenario."

"What,"

" _Tyler_ ," Josh rolled his eyes, one hand leaving the small of the boy's waist to go tangle in his hair nervously. "You can't expect me to seriously say to your brother that you have a weird reaction to rough sex right?"

Tyler's mouth opened slowly. "Oh."

"Hey, Zack! Sorry to call you out of nowhere man, I was wondering if you knew why Tyler react very well to being treated roughly?" Josh had taken an exaggeratingly casual tone now, sarcasm dripping from his every word.

"It's not like that..." Tyler pouted, childishly pushing the older man away as he stood up, ignoring the lack of warmth that had his body screaming in disappointment.

Josh was looking steadily at him. Way too stern for a man sporting an erection, Tyler thought.

"Of course it isn't." The man got up too, sighing as he did. "But you have to understand, it's not going to be easy."

"Don't worry," Tyler interrupted, biting his lower lip as nervousness came back in triumph. "You won't even have to say much, he'll understand, and he'll talk."

He could feel how skeptical Josh was from where he stood, so he stood up on his tippy toes and planted a kiss on the older man's cheek. "I promise."

"Do you?"

"I do."

Ease, Josh nodded without further complications.

That made Tyler want to scream in happiness. Josh was so good to him!

He skipped in the kitchen, both because he was scared of what his anxiety would make him do - stealing Josh's phone and throwing it to the sun - and too busy himself as to not be overwhelmed by this pessimist thoughts.

Logic told him that Josh wouldn't leave him for something like that. Experience and past bad treatments made him doubt everything.

He was in the process of starting a light dinner when he heard Josh from down the corridor.

"I'm going to call Zack- Tyler put this down please, you're going to hurt yourself."

Tyler mumbled a bit under his breath but did as he was told, in the end. He was hella clumsy and they both knew it, there was a high possibility for him to cut himself with this knife without even doing anything.

He'll have to use a machine or something like that. What a pain.

What left him part-awed and part-irritated, was the fact that Josh didn't even need to be in the same room to know that he had something dangerous in his hands. He either guessed or had some supernatural powers that Tyler never knew about.

Tyler didn't let go of the potato he had started to cut as he went back in the living room, eyes squinting suspiciously at the back of Josh's head.

"No need to look at me like that, doll." The older man answered, _still_ not turning around. He was looking at his phone intensely, yet he didn't seem distracted at all when he answered Tyler.

The brunet threw his hands in the hair. The potato flew away.

Josh gave him a weird look.

"I give up, you're a weirdo."

"Right."

 

  Fingers working on a slow beat, eyes fixed on the trees and flowers extending to no end, mind stuck on how much it was a good idea to have custom windows when you had a large space you wanted to fill.

They seldom used the lights in the living room thanks to the large windows that gave off a beautiful and natural illumination.

Josh let his head fall softly on the cold glass.

Anything to delay the moment he would have to call Zack. Just thinking about it made him grimace.

There was no way he was going to talk about their relationship. Nope. His own _best friend_ took his time to come around when he understood how young Tyler was.

But Zack? The older man would take a private jet as soon as he could to kill Josh with his own two hands, bring him back to life, and kill him again.

Repeat the process.

He looked at the darkly lit corridor, unable to keep the longing off his face. What he wouldn't give to have Tyler's soft, pliant body curled up at his side right now.

His turbulent boy was a kitten, he thought idly as he played with his phone; absent-minded, small, free-willing and quite playful, once you got to know him.

Still as a statue, softly breathing - eyes considering and put of nervousness in his stomach. The soft noise from the kitchen made him smile.

Well.

A soft sigh escaped him, as he selected Zack's contact and put the phone at his ear without further squirming. He was a twenty-eight-year-old man for God's sake, not some scared teenager who was meeting his boyfriend's big brother for the first time!

Josh did _not_ get scared, that was just how things were. Obviously, Tyler did not get the message when he decided he was going to make a home for himself in Josh's heart. He came with so many emotions that were foreign to Josh, sometimes he was kept up late at night trying to wrap his mind around them.

Yet... he wouldn't have it any other way.

_"Hello?"_

"Hey, Zack." He answered easily, the stress he was feeling previously dancing away like butterflies in a matter of seconds. Tyler had this kind of effect on him without even being present.

Did the boy know what he did to him...?

_"Whoah Josh, bro! It's been a while! What's up?"_

Bro, huh? Well if Josh managed to not scare off Tyler, Zack will find himself with Josh as his _actual_ brother.

...  
Too soon.

"Yeah, we haven't had a chat in quite some time huh? The last time we talked was-"

 _"When I told you Tyler was coming in Flores."_ Zack finished, sounding excited. Josh knew what's was coming. _"How is he doing? Good, I hope? Is he causing you any trouble? Why am I asking, of course, he is, that's Tyler we're talking about."_

Josh felt his lips quirk in an amused smile. Zack was nearly as old as he was but every time he started talking about his siblings, his excitement reached the level of an actual five-year-old.

"He's not giving me too much trouble don't worry," He reassured, feeling quite content to not have to lie yet. Zack released a noise of high surprise, and Josh could understand. Tyler had indeed been incredibly _tame_ since he came here, two months ago. He was informed that the boy had been clean of any drugs and alcohol, expecting signs of withdrawal and reluctance to do the things he was asked to.

To his surprise, he had found an actually semi-well behaved teen, who, although loved to tease his peers endlessly, hadn't caused any serious ruckus.

Sadly, troubles found him at one point anyway.

Josh _will_ have to inform Zack about it. But for now...

"Hey, Zack?" He interrupted the babbling man, storing the barrage of information he had given in the back of his head, they could talk about all of that later. For now... "D'you ever notice that something was... peculiar with Tyler?"

Silence answered him. Josh gnawed on his lips, wondering if he'll have to go in further details. He hoped not, he wasn't sure if he'll be able to lie well enough for Zack to not guess he was totally fucking his little brother.

_"Peculiar as in...?"_

Josh groaned. Of course.

"Like... In some rare instances, he'll get weirdly docile." Not a lie, Josh breathed quietly in victory. Tyler _did_ get docile sometimes. Josh just didn't want to mention that it happened when he was bend in half over his teacher's desk, absolutely powerless.

 _"Gosh, I'm happy you noticed."_ Oh. Would you look at that? There was actual _relief_ in Zack's voice, and the tenseness underlying his previous cheer was gone, too.

Maybe he should take a seat. "You do?" He asked as he shuffled around toward the couch, letting himself be absorbed by its cheer comfortableness.

 _"Absolutely. Josh, I hope you're sitting right now?"_ Nervousness. But not from Josh this time. No, from Zack.

"I just did," He said, frowning as he pushed himself into a sitting position, eyes fixed somewhere in the darkening sky he could see from the window. "What is it?"

_"It's a long story."_

"We have all the time in the world," He looked at the corridor, where a light was emitting from the kitchen. Roughly ten minutes had passed, Tyler always took around fourty minutes to finish dinner because he was a perfectionist when it came to cooking.

A shame, when the brat didn't eat half of the stuff he prepared.

_"It started... quite early. As you may have noticed when you were there, Tyler was and still is for that matter, too small for his age. It's not an actual illness, just a bit strange considering we're all pretty tall in our family."_

How could Josh forget? Tyler had always become upset whenever his lack of height was brought in a conversation.

He hummed for Zack to continue.

_"As it is, he was bullied a lot for it. That and his baby face, kids can be damn cruel for such stupid reasons. He's never been a confrontational kind of guy, we all thought he looked past the teasing and went on with his life without caring about it."_

"Stupid." Josh pointed out, rolling his eyes when Zack laughed sheepishly.

_"Our bad. No, more like my dad's and I's bad. Our mother was sure he was affected by this but we told her she was worrying her psychologist's and mommy's butt for nothing."_

"Always listen to your mother," Josh said wisely, losing himself in the memories of Tyler's mother soft warmth. Just like his son.

_"Oh shut up, you momma's boy."_

"My bad, I forgot you were more of a daddy's boy."

_"That would be Tyler."_

Josh pushed the phone away at the same time he choked on his breath. Oh lord, that seriously wasn't the moment to get a hard on. Nope.

 _"Anyway,"_ Zack didn't seem to have noticed his friend's turmoil as he kept going. " _One day we received a call from the phone saying that Tyler pushed a boy from the mini castle's toboggan."_

"What the fuck."

_"Yeah. The teacher said that he had been pretty calm until he burst into tears out of nowhere and storm up to the boy to push him until he fell and rolled down the toboggan. Then he proceeded to cry harder."_

"Because he had hurt someone," Josh finished, blinking dazedly.

 _"You got that right,"_ Zack replied, tone struck between concern and amusement. _"When Tyler came home, we had a big chat about how violence was a no-no. He listened dutifully and..."_

"He did it again." Josh interrupted him, matter-of-factly.

_"I wish you weren't right. At one point, we had to take this seriously, mom was scared to have a sociopath in the making. It was normal to be scared of that but obviously, we knew things were a bit different. Tyler had nothing of a sociopath - or a psychopath for that matter. He may have been quiet with sudden bursts of violence, he always cried so hard after, he came down with a fever. Every. Damn. Time. He was too sensible for being someone with no qualm about hurting another human being."_

Zack paused here. To take a breath or because he was lost in his thoughts, Josh didn't know.

His mind took every information in stride. Somehow, he knew what his little one was capable of doing. Still...

"How does that explain the fact that he gets in some kind of ... space, sometimes?"

_"Hah, you just gave the answer without even knowing it!"_

"Huh."

 _"You see,"_ Zack started, sounding both find and amused. _"Mom discovered that we could prevent his bursts of violence - or tears - by putting him in a ... mood, beforehand."_

"A mood?" Josh parroted, fingers drumming harder and harder as he started to understand.

_"Yeah. Space. A babied version of the submissive space. It's easy to spot his change of moods. When the bullying became too much or he was overwhelmed by the situation, his signs of nervousness increased and he became more and more reclused. That's the moment we act. By being extra caring, giving him increased gestures of attention or basically crowding him with our presence; he calmed down quickly and bounced back as the quiet but cheery kid we all got to know and love. As he grew up, the things we had to do to put him in subspace were roughly the same - with one exception. Orders. The more you told him what to do and the sterner you became, the more he blossomed under his subspace and was happy as he came out of it. It calmed him down - still, does. What's funny, is that when he's not near his subspace, if you dare to tell him what to do he'll basically explode in your face and do the contrary... It's a wonder."_

Silence. Broken by both of their respirations and Tyler's noises, who was still cooking.

Josh's mind was _burning._ A good burning, though, all of Zack's words were being processed minutely, and his heartbeat kept increasing the more he got to understand all of it. Zack was calling him, he sounded worried but _wow_ Josh was too far gone to answer right now. Subspace. Obviously, how had he missed that?

Still. _Damn,_ his boy would never stop to surprise him.

He felt like- wow, he felt so fucking many things, he couldn't start to wrap his mind around it.

He felt. All for Tyler.

Josh smiled, a bit bemused, a lot elated. _Tylertylertyler I-_

_"Josh holy shit did you die? Was it too much for you? Asshole I'm starting to get worried-"_

"Who are you calling an asshole, asshole." Josh finally breathed, pushing a rough hand in his red curls as multiple thoughts danced in his head.

Zack laughed. _"Very mature, Josh."_

"That's my second name." He said, a smile forming on his lips until it wouldn't go away. "Thanks for telling me, man."

_"Anytime. I know Tyler is important for you, too. Thank you for taking care of my lil bro."_

Oh. He was taking care of Tyler alright.  
(Josh wanted to die.)

"It's nothing." He said nervously, tugging on his shirt. "I gotta go, thought!"

_"Whaaaa? Tell me more about how he's doing! He never called me since he went there, I'm dying!"_

"With how busy you are?" Josh cut him, eager to end this conversation. "We both know that your job wouldn't let you talk to him as much as you'd like."

 _"I know." Zack sighed._ He sounded tired. Josh hoped he got enough rest. Tyler would fall into a pit of worry and self-hate if he knew his brother was losing sleep over him _. "Do send me some photos and a bit more about his progressions. I seriously miss my baby brother."_

"I will," Josh promised. He thought about the incident, then the heart and letter. Zack would have to know at one point but now wasn't the moment. "Go get some rest, it must be super late where you are."

 _"It is,"_ Zack chuckled. _"Bye Josh."_

And he hung up.

And Josh thought. He thought and thought until he was too scared of thinking and his body buzzed with excitement and the happiness of new information on his boy.

Oh boy, was he happy.

"Baby-...Oh."

When he turned around at the sound of light footsteps, Tyler was standing there.

Just... standing there.

A delicious smell wafted from the kitchen, but Josh couldn't concentrate on it at all - just note it and let an unconscious part of it beam in pride at his boy's talent.

But right now that very same boy looked sick - which made Josh sick in return _too_.

Tan hands losing all their pretty colors in favor of whitening at their owner mangled a white sweater with them, a full-body shiver, which could have been delectable if the fear in his wide-open eyes wasn't so palpable.

A beat of silence; awkward stillness and tenseness getting a hold of both of their bodies.

Josh didn't see anything coming. He blinked, mouth agape a few seconds later when Tyler literally bolted off the doorframe to go hide - in the next room, judging by the loud bang he heard. The room which was supposed to be _his_ room, if he ever didn't feel comfortable sharing a bed with Josh. But, well. That never actually happened.

Until then.

Furrowing his brows, he went to the room adjacent, knocking without further ado. "Baby?"

"Go away."

Josh was sure that the people living in the house next to his could feel his heart breaking. "What's wrong?" He asked with faux-calm, swallowing the lump in his throat.

No answers. Josh was seconds away from crying. "Love please, answer me."

"Aren't you disgusted?" There was an air of resignation all around his boy. As if he thought Josh would _ever_ reject him for something he had no control over.

They would have to work on all those trust issues and self-doubt. If Josh had to say one thousand times to his boy that he loved all of him, then so be it.

"I may or may not be falling harder for you thanks to that." He answered without missing a beat, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.

It seemed to be confessions' time and although it was hella embarrassing, he wasn't going to shy away from this subject - and his peculiar liking for it.

He was seriously contemplating breaking the damn door. To his delight and relief, it opened with a creaky sound to reveal a still-shaking little body, face red and lips wobbling.

Josh wanted to cry.

"You're lying," Tyler answered in a hushed voice, sounding and looking so distressed, it was hurting Josh _physically._ Tears were brimming in his eyes no matter how hard he tried to hide them.

Josh lift him easily, looping an arm around his narrow hips and shuffling toward the bed without breaking eye contact. Tyler's body bounced when his body was thrown into the soft mattress, blinking up softly at Josh who was hovering on top of him, forearms supporting his weight. "When did I ever?" The man breathed evenly, one intense shade of sincerity shrouding his expression.

"N-Never," Tyler sniffled, closing his eyes.

His _dark dark dark_ eyelashes were prettily stuck with tears, a lovely contrast with the red of his cheekbones. Josh stroked them softly and revealed in the gasp that escaped Tyler's mouth.

So responsive...

"I'm going to take care of you, doll," He whispered softly, lowering his head to press a hard kiss on the boy's lips.

Tears rolled down Tyler's cheeks. He licked them away.

"Are you?" And he sounded so vulnerable, so amazed, scared that raising his voice over a hush would make this moment disappear, taking Josh with him.

As if, Josh thought fiercely. He was so far gone for this boy, only death could tear him apart from the lovely flower blooming under his kiss.

"It's a promise."

And so he kissed him again, to seal it,

forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did good and wrote a lot bc I love you guys and you were so kind to me with your comments honestly I feed off it to write and write more so thank y o u for liking this and sharing your thoughts you're making a dude happy yES


	21. It's been three years (I still miss them)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I hate Sundays."
> 
> A kiss, the night, a bathtub.
> 
> "I know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost my great grandparents. pops three year ago and grams a month ago. it feels weird because I was close to them but... not really?
> 
> I did love them though, and I pray for them to rest in peace.  
> This chapter was pretty hard to write in the end, I'm like Tyler on this one. It takes me a lot of time to realize stuff, I grieved their death after everyone else - when I realized they were never coming back.
> 
> So, short chapter, but everything that has to be said on that matter shall be said, and we'll be able to move on. (:

 

    

   It was Sunday, today. Clear sky shining sun, singing birds and green wilderness.

Tyler felt strange.

He woke up feeling strange.

They fell asleep in that room of theirs, the one that wasn't Josh's but wasn't Tyler's either, limbs tangled and breath shared. Tyler hadn't cried after Josh's promise. He had felt light, airy, delighted and everything that was pastel pink and smelled like cotton candy.

But something wasn't quite right this morning. His chest was heavy once again like someone came in the dead of the night and decided to sink his soul, alongside his joy.

Distressed, those small hands of his pushed lightly Josh away to tumble clumsily on the carpet-clad ground. Nothing but soft snoring answered him when he tensed up; yet, he didn't relax.

He felt so heavy. And the sky was so goddamn clear, it was unfair. Tyler wanted it to rain, wanted everything to be black and ugly just like he felt right now.

Hand on a chest, he shivered when the cold morning breeze hit his shoulders- which were naked because of a large shirt that wasn't quite his - but it was nonetheless, he wore it countless nights after finding it in Josh's wardrobe.

Details details, he still felt cold and heavy, after distracting himself with the shirt which wasn't his.

Today... Today was...

He walked as softly as he could, step lights, like a fairy, chancing a look at his sleeping partner before sliding down the corridor. An urge in him growled; the one that told him to go back in bed and curl in Josh's arms to forget everything that felt wrong.

That urge was erased, he was _done_ with ignoring his problems.

He rounded the corner, free to move like he wanted without waking up his lover. But he didn't. He was still careful. His eyes scanned the large living room, dark eyes swiping over cream-white themed furniture to fall on a black, common object.

A small sigh of relief, his bag was here where it was left - he had feared, rightly so, that it had been misplaced again.

It wouldn't be the first time, the thought floated in his mind, he made it a habit of losing his belongings -and even forgot that he possessed them in the first time.

 _4 missed calls, 13 messages_ , the heavy feeling in his chest disappeared for a moment, replaced by a light-headedness as the small brunet scrolled down his friend's tentatives to reach him.

A light blush dusted his cheekbones, lovely smile and dimples appearing in the softness of his cheeks. How lucky was he to have people so lovely in his life?

Tyler could barely remember having someone else than Zack trying to reach him in the past.

Zack and ... his parents.

His parents. 

Cautious eyes floated on the date flashing on his phone.

It dropped to the floor; and Tyler did, too.

Seconds, minutes, or hours. Time was forgotten, it became nothing but an abstract concept as Tyler felt a familiar pain tug at his heartstrings, so strong and so violent, his entire body _hurt_.

Panicked footsteps weren't heard, an alarmed, low voice wasn't registered but oh did Tyler came to his sense when Josh's familiar, strong arms embraced him from behind. He let the comforting smell get to his brain, drank in the soft words of love spoken in his ear before he-

Before he realized that _today_ was _this day_ and he started to cry, hysterically, screams locked in his throat that he just wanted to _get out already!_

"Ty, baby please tell me what's wrong?"

There was an edge of panic beneath Josh's seemingly calm voice, but Tyler couldn't find in himself the strength to point it out.

"Oh J, I miss them so much!" He babbled, unable to stop the tears from falling, from drowning his cheeks until he drowned in them himself. He was such a fucking crybaby, yet the faucet in his eyes kept running.

"It's okay," Josh's soothing voice floated in his distorted mind, breaking the bubble of self-hatred and appeasing his burning heart. He felt it getting lighter, yet his tears came harder.

He watched them flow on his clenched hands in confusion, his throat too tight to talk, even when Josh enveloped him in a soothing embrace. "Let it all out, c'm'on baby boy."

So Tyler _cried_.

He cried until the tears didn't want to come anymore, he cried until he saw the red around his eyes in the adjacent glass, he cried until he was tired of crying and his parent's smiling faces behind his eyelids wasn't that painful.

 

 

    "So... It's that day." Josh breathed in his dark locks, hands busying themselves on Tyler's stomach. Drawing shapes, stroking, it sometimes lulled him to sleep, most of the times just made him relax instantly.

He had been moved by Josh once his crying had stopped. The older one understanding his melancholic mood, hadn't said anything about their plans for the day.

It was obvious that Tyler wouldn't be able to do anything productive.

So they had settled in front of the large window, Josh falling with no grace on a white, squeaky seat that engulfed him entirely, and Tyler settling on _him_. Head lolling left and right on a sturdy chest, eyes lost and thoughts in disarray.

"Three years ago," He said, at last, a small smile gracing his lips when Josh startled. He had probably given up on an answer. "November the third."

His stomach felt queasy. He didn't cry.

For the simple reason that he had no more tears to shed, at least, he hoped. Tomorrow he would get back at closing the lids of this box, and try to unravel the much more important secrets that swarmed his life.

"I wanted to create when I was younger." He said, out of the blue. His doodling head had craned to look at Josh, pretty eyes of burnt and darkly shaded amber gazing intently at Josh.

The older man didn't startle this time, returning his stare with a just as hard intensity.

Tyler wanted to get lost in them and never find his way out ever again.

"Yeah?"

Josh didn't seem to make fun of him, showing only pure curiosity and - maybe a bit of excitement?

Was he happy that Tyler was sharing this with him?

The thought made bubbles of joy dance in Tyler's heart.

"Hmm." He turned back around, snuggling in Josh's bare chest that was radiating heat. _Human heater_ , Tyler liked to bestow him with this nickname, much to his utter dismay.

"You'll be great at it."

Oh course, Josh would say something like this. He stopped himself in his pool of doubt to mull over Josh's words.

"You're just saying that." There was a hint of a question in that sentence, hushed and wondering in the silence of the morning.

"Only the truth, baby bear." And Josh smiled, oh so sweetly and guileless, ready to shower Tyler with compliments - it's kind of obvious in the lovely lights shining in his eyes.

The weight of memories in Tyler's chest got just a little bit lighter. They were going somewhere.

 

 

   They changed location again, and if Tyler was starting to see a pattern, he didn't say a word about it. He just kind of let himself go when Josh touched lightly behind his knees and his back, lifting him easily to go wherever the man decided.

He had faith.

That, and he was too emotionally exhausted to say anything. His eyelids were heavy and his head aching, he could feel haziness start to slowly spread in his mind.

Tyler was mildly uncomfortable in his own body, at this instant; way more than he usually was. It's a special day, after all, but not in a good way.

Josh though, was perfect in his stronghold and sweet-as-sugar things he whispered every time Tyler shifted uncomfortably.

It's the kitchen, this time around, where Josh settled Tyler on the counter and sit down on a stool between Tyler's spread legs.

His hands were big and warm, where they laid on his revealed thighs.

"I don't want to eat," Tyler informed him in a slow blink, a hand in the counter to support himself from the dizzy spell thrown on him and another on Josh's. Their fingers intertwined on top of the skin of his upper thigh.

"I know," Josh stated simply. It wasn't the first time, yet Tyler was still trying to decipher what kind of meaning his lover's expressions had.

That one was soft, comforting Tyler in a mood where his emotions were left bare... But it had an edge of steel; just a little bit.

He was in a spell, Tyler swore, otherwise he wouldn't see tiny himself laughing on top of the counter as his mother created dishes in front of him, and his father opened a bottle of wine with a contagious cheer.

It disappeared before he could grab a hold of it.

A piece of the heavyweight went away too.

He wanted to cry, but the tears just didn't want to come.

Josh's smile had pecks of sadness in it, he seemed to struggle with himself to not do something. Tyler had no idea what, he wanted to know, but he also wished the memory that had flashed would stay a little bit longer.

He looked down, worrying his lips between the harshness of his teeth. Josh lightly pried his hands away, and Tyler wouldn't admit getting cold once the contact of their connected skin was no more.

"We're going to find you a psychologist."

Those words didn't surprise him as much as he thought it would. It didn't surprise him at all, he realized as he searched through his emotions. No surprise, no anger, no nothing.

Because he knew.

"Hmm."

"You are in no way insane. Alright?" Josh insisted, gripping both of his thighs now in what could have been a bruising hold - if Tyler didn't love it so bad.

"Yeah, okay," Tyler whispered, a hint of doubt in his voice. He cried out softly when Josh pinched his thigh, a stern look on his face. "I get it!" He relented, pouting.

The older man smiled, his gaze softening. "Men and women three times your age cannot deal as well as you did with grief, you're doing great." A hand patted down his unruly curls, and he leaned into that piece of warmth, unable to feel ashamed when Josh laughed softly. He was still listening intently to the man, so he nudged him with his head when he stopped talking. Josh picked up on the hint immediately. "The problem is that the grief will come back harder each time you refuse to deal with it. I'll be damned if I let you break down without doing anything."

Silent hiccups were still shaking his body, though hushed lovingly by Josh's strong arms. He nodded after a moment, curling up grumpily in Josh's chest. "I'll go."

Josh's raised a brow. Surprise evident on his face, his mannerisms, the subtle way he slipped his hands up Tyler's body and squeezed Tyler's hips when he thought the younger one was lying. But Tyler didn't budge. "I _will_ , Josh. What're you saying, even if I don't like it, is entirely true. So I'll go even if I don't want to."

"That's my good boy." Josh seemed pleased.

A scorching candle burned slowly in Tyler's stomach. It felt good, like satisfaction and pride dancing together.

He decided he liked it.

 

 

  Sometimes in the afternoon, knees bent to his chest and Josh all over him, Tyler startled.

The sun was still shining, that piece of shit, and those goddamn chirpy birds were still hell bent on singing.

Josh was a rock. Silent, solid, reliable.

So Tyler opened his mouth. "I was always closer to them than I was with anyone else. They were my entire world. What I wanted, what I thrived for, it was all for them."

He took in a breath, shock taking over all his face. Josh's hold tightened around him. "I miss them, Josh. They'll never come back... ever."

It felt like a black hole opened under his feets. He could have fallen, down down down. But Josh was like a safety net, solid weight pulling him up - where life was.

"You're going to be okay." Josh said, eyes clear, solemn.

Tyler closed his eyes.

He closed his eyes and thought, heart pounding and mind screaming.

His parents weren't coming back. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever.

He'll... have to live with it, right? This knowledge, that they wouldn't be there to hold him if he ever came home.

"They won't be here to tell me 'welcome back'? T-To be at my graduation? For me to p-present you as my boyfriend?" He hiccuped, another gate breaking behind his eyelids to let out another flow of tears.

_Realisation._

They wouldn't be here to see Tyler grow up.

"They won't..." Josh nodded, wiping his tears away and peppering his face with kisses. Tyler let his tears fall silently. "But we will. Zack, Madison, Jay... Me. We're here."

"Don't ever go away." Terrified, he was, fear shaking his bones and desperation seizing his chest.

"Never."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Tyler believed him. He yanked the chain around his heart, and let go of the package that had been weighing him down for three years now.

Tyler believed Josh. So he let go.

 

 

   "I hate Sundays."

A kiss, the night, a bathtub.

"I know."

Water flowing, skin touching, fragile eyes.

"Do you?"

Doubt once again, memories fading away, grievance finally done.

"Always did."

Assurance, stronghold, the promise of the past night flowing into the air.

"Protect me."

Tyler linked his arms around Josh's neck, connecting their forehead in a light touch. His eyes were dry, shining if only a bit feverish.

Something was wrong, he knew that he didn't feel good - yet he felt better. He had... grieved today. Accepted fully that his parents were _not_ coming back.

It... hurt. A lot. That was an understatement.

But Tyler was doing better, Tyler was going to be okay; he hoped his parents were resting in peace. He'll work hard, to make them proud, wherever they were watching over him.

"I will, and so much more."

Josh's words were spoken against his lips, in his mouth, in the breath they shared and caresses left on their skin.

November the third. Tyler grieved.

And got up.

He waved slowly to his parents, watching them disappear behind him. A hand slipped into his.

Feeble smile, pounding heart, shaking limbs.

Tyler was going to be okay. He traveled with his parents until here... now that he had accepted to let them go... he could go forward, right?

Josh... Josh was waiting for him.

_So forward, he went._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never understood why published authors always tell us to write about what we know.  
> Now... I kind of do hah.
> 
> Have a good day/night, precious, I sincerely love all of ya, please be safe. (:


	22. Light-headed (you make me feel)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who's the teenager in this relationship?" Tyler grumbled playfully, closing his eyes once again with a soft, nearly unnoticeable purr.
> 
> Josh melted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey~ How have you guys been? Well I hope? (:
> 
> This chapter is lighter, enjoy. ~

 

  
   Tyler's face was a strange shade of red, the morning after. Not and ugly shade, just strange, different. He was behaving weirdly too. Josh knew the boy enough to know that something was wrong.

It's only after trying to kiss him with no success and a reluctant Tyler pushing him away, that Josh realized this shade of red was _not_ healthy.

Tyler had looked cute and positively fragile like that, all weak and unable to babble sassy remarks left and right - sue him for not noticing his boy was sick.

He was breathing harshly and couldn't keep his eyes open for more than ten seconds, it was strangely endearing - and hot.

Josh wondered if something was wrong with him too.

"I want to kiss you," He lamented, stroking Tyler's sickly-red cheekbones with his thumb. The younger boy's eyelashes fluttered, revealing darker than dark, blown pupils.

He looked ethereal right now and wow, wasn't Josh horny.

They were still pressed together from their sleeping position last night, so yeah, Josh knew Tyler had no problem noticing the erection he sported.

"Who's the teenager in this relationship?" Tyler grumbled playfully, closing his eyes once again with a soft, nearly unnoticeable purr.

Josh melted.

"I'm going to call in sick for you... and warn your friends," He said belatedly, coughing a bit to keep the arousal away from his voice. Yeah, he had responsibilities; but you could be sure he was at least going to throw half of them in the bin today. Teaching could wait, a sick Tyler couldn't.

Moreover, Tyler didn't like strangers touching him, visits to the doctor in the past were always a hassle and he was fairly certain it hadn't changed. Brat.

Tyler hummed, curling up in a ball and turning slightly away from the older man. His eyes blinked open and close thrice, before they decided to stay open and fix themselves on Josh, just like a predator.

Josh gulped.

"Hurry up and do it then," Tyler teased, voice oh so deliciously scratchy. "Or what? Too busy thinking about taking advantage of me?"

Josh blushed furiously, cursing his dick who decided to be _very_ interested in Tyler's words, straining around the fabric of his pajama bottoms. "You'd like that wouldn't you?" He growled, hands gripping the sheets tightly to stop himself from doing something stupid.

"Hell yeah," Tyler breathed, biting his lips. It was such an innocent little gesture, something he would usually do without thinking, to vent an excess of restlessness in his body or when he was deep in thought.

But now... Now? Slicked red lips got caught between those enchanting crooked teeth - it was making Josh's head spin.

"W-what?" Josh asked, part bemused part fucking _aroused_. "You want me to-"

"Take advantage of me... and so much more," There was an edge of something dangerous in Tyler's voice, in Tyler's red-rimmed eyes, in the sheen of illness-induced tears shining in his eyes. It was unbelievably hot. "But those dirty things, those that I know make your morals scream in outrage... I only want _you_ to do them to me. No one else in this world. Only you."

Josh was suffering. That boy wanted to kill him, it was official. "Baby that's..." He pushed a hand through his red curls in frustration, cock fucking _throbbing_. "That's wrong."

Tyler smirked, a knowing look in those gorgeously dark eyes. He shifted around, glowing under Josh's adoring gaze. "Then why does it feels so right?"

His eyes closed, and Josh thanked and cursed all the gods for making him fall asleep.

He looked at his hand, then at the door leading to the bathroom. "Well... Cold shower it is."

It had to be his imagination, but Josh could swear that he heard a little bell-like laugh.

He was going crazy.  


 

    It was raining today, the fourth of November. Dark clouds saturated their island's beautiful sky, the rain falling on the greeneries like a vengeful god.

Black, blue, somber colors; no one in sight and resonating thunder.

It was beautiful, at least in Josh's opinion.

Tyler seemed to find it beautiful too if the way he pressed his feverishly red face to the glass window was anything to go by. His dark eyes were wide in happiness pretty lips parted by awe and little body shaking at the same rhythm as the thunder.

Josh didn't want to look at the sky anymore. He stood in the door's frame, the plate of food in his hands forgotten as he gazed at his boy with what he knew was adoration in his eyes. The feelings he had for Tyler kept growing day by day, and when he thought he couldn't love the boy more... He was proved wrong.

Like in this instance.

"Flower?"

Tyler giggled as a lieu of an answer, small toes curling in excitement when the thunder made itself known once again. An excited grin was etched on his lips now, Josh just wanted to go and swallow it in a kiss.

He shook his head slightly, releasing in a breath. Crazy in love, indeed.

Putting the plate of food on the coquette little table in the middle of their bedroom, he took a seat, eyes never leaving the boy pressed at the window.

"Ty... Come here please." He intoned quietly, heart growing in affection as Tyler perked up immediately. He had been so engrossed in the storm outside, Josh had been sure there was little to no chance for the boy to be taken away from his new amusement.

Yet here he was, shivering body wrapped in white sheets coming toward him. Light on his feets and as delicate as a ballerina dancer, it was a wonder, for Tyler was more gracious when he was weak with sickness than at the top of his health.

The boy was near enough for him to perch on Josh's lap now, so he did, under the curious but pleased look of the older man. Tyler answered it with a little shrug, shifting around to push his back on Josh's chest comfortably. "You said to come, you never told me where exactly."

"Smartass," Josh laughed, holding the brunet close with one arm as he kissed his cheeks lightly.

"I know," All smug, the little one was, legs dangling and arms stroking the one around his waist. "Mama ain't raised a weak little boy."

Josh prepared himself for Tyler to burst in tears seconds later, but nothing came. He didn't cry, didn't close himself in silence either, but kept chatting - eyes lighter than before and a bit blurred as if memories were dancing behind his eyelids.

They must be happy memories, Josh concluded, happy memories that he embraced fully, unlike before. He truly had grieved, and that was his way of moving forward.

His boy was _so strong_ , Josh was insanely proud.

As his eyes were still trained on the boy fitted carefully in his lap, he immediately noticed the disgruntled way in which he was moving, a pout on his red face. "What's wrong baby?"

"This," Tyler gestured to the plate of mashed potatoes and chicken on the table, it smelled good, in Josh's not-so-humble opinion. "I don't want any."

Josh was vaguely offended by Tyler's abrupt refusal. But not too much. He was expecting it. "Why not? It doesn't seem good?" He asked, adding a bit of sadness in his voice.

The knowing look Tyler gave him made him know that the boy wasn't fooled. Damn.

"It does," He said, biting his lips. "But I feel a bit nauseous... and I'm not hungry anyway."

"Tyler, please."

"No."

"We're not moving from here until you eat, though," Josh warned, squinting his eyes at Tyler's stubbornness.

"I don't see what's wrong with that," The brat replied, smiling smugly.

Josh mulled his next argument. If Tyler didn't want to eat, he _wouldn't_ eat. As simple as that. He wasn't starving himself, no, but his body didn't feel hunger anymore. Which was deeply unsettling.

He sighed.

"Sweetheart," Whispered pet name, all soft and loving; it got Tyler tensing and slowly turning around to give all of his attention to his boyfriend. Josh smirked inside. "I'm not going to force you to eat, but your medicine can't be taken without some food in your stomach. And I want you to get better. Don't you want to get better for me?"

Tyler seemed to think for a bit before he nodded reluctantly. "Wanna be good for you," He breathed, blinking up earnestly at Josh. "Feed me?"

Josh grinned, pushing Tyler's damp bangs away to plant a kiss on his forehead. "Sideways baby."

Tyler did as told, lifting his legs delicately to put himself _just like_ Josh had asked.

Him being so good was damn endearing. Josh felt blessed.

Tyler docilely let himself be fed, even if they had to take some breaks for him to get accustomed to eating again. Dinner the night before was forgotten for an obvious reason, just like breakfast had been because Tyler slept through it.

But in the end, he still ate a good portion of his plate and took his medicine without any fuss.

"Good job love." Josh seized his waist delicately and made him turn around, a grin dancing on his lips at Tyler's little burp.

"m'sorry, that wasn't sexy at all." The boy groaned, burrowing his face in Josh's chest and pouting as he felt it vibrate with Josh's laugh.

"Maybe. But it sure as hell was cute." He reassured him, stroking his back in soothing motions. Tyler's body slackened against his, a tell-tale sign he was falling asleep.

That was good. He needed rest.

"J," A weak grip on the side of his shirt woke him from his daydreams. "Hey J, what did you do this morning? I woke up at least two times but you weren't there..."

Josh smiled, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Did you miss me?"

He didn't count on the fact that sick-Tyler meant honest-as-fuck-Tyler.

"I did," The boy looked up at him endearingly, dark eyes made darker by the long eyelashes caressing his cheeks when he blinked. "I did. I was lonely."

Josh bite his lips, feeling a wave of heat travel to his lower region. Fuck.

"You're too damn cute." He mumbled, pushing Tyler's head to his chest once again. If he looked at those _dark dark dark_ eyes a little longer, there were big chances of him throwing the small boy on the bed and having his way with him. Roughly. Which, well, Tyler's body didn't need that right now. "I called the school and your friends to tell them you were sick, and that I would take care of you in the meantime." He paused, stroking Tyler's damp hair. "I also graded some papers while I was at it."

Tyler turned his head sideway, his attention back to the storm outside. "They didn't say anything? My friends? The teachers?"

Josh eyed him curiously. What was going on inside that pretty, complicated mind of his?

"Nothing in particular, they just wished for you to get better soon. Seems like you're loved amongst the teachers too." He looked at his little lover in mock suspicion.

Tyler's eyes fleeted over him before going back to the rain, snorting. "I didn't suck any dicks under the desk if that's what you're thinking about," Josh smirked. "I was just wondering why nobody ever asked any questions when we're seen or known to be together. My friends are all mother hens, yet they're immediately placated when you're mentioned. Surely that's not normal, right?" He mused, voice going lower and lower with exhaustion.

"Oh, that." Josh felt Tyler's attention back on him again, but he was looking at the ceiling thoughtfully, his hands still stroking the boy's back.

"Yeah, that." Tyler probed, pinching his arm. That boy could do some damage with those small hands of his. Josh approved.

"I'm supposed to be your supervisor," He informed him, feeling Tyler's curiosity grow. "Follow your progress, take care of you if something's wrong... With everything that happened to you, they would be worried if I _wasn't_ by your side. They don't suspect anything." He finished, truthful.

Tyler gazed up at him with so much awe, he wondered if he said something. weird. "That's incredible," The boy answered his silent question, smiling sweetly. "I never met an adult as trusted as you. And with Zack's job, I met a _lot_ of adults. What's the worst thing you ever did?"

The worst thing he ever did...? Josh thought a bit, breezing through his memories effortlessly. He carefully pushed aside the incident with Tyler's aggressors. He wished he had killed them. "I yelled at my little sister. Once." And he had felt guilty for weeks afterward.

Tyler's red-rimmed eyes were wide open, looking at him as if he had two heads. Josh touched his face, confused. Had he said something wrong?

"I'm dating a fucking angel," Tyler's whispered, dumbfounded. "You're an actual angel."

"I really am not ." Josh supplied helpfully, because well, he _wasn't_.

There was a big smile playing on Tyler's  red lips right now, pecks of, dare he say, _love_ in his eyes. Josh felt his heartbeat quicken at this.

"I'm not blind," Tyler whispered, shuffling closer to envelop him in a warm embrace. He was so _soft,_ Josh felt like crying. "You're always so kind and lovely, your morals are still very much intact and I swear everyone that know you are in love with you..."

"I'm... not who you think I am," Josh whispered sadly, squeezing him with what he knew was desperation. He was stricken at the thought of Tyler liking... someone he wasn't truly. What if-?

"Oh but I know," Tyler said with a laugh, something airy and pleasant to the ear that made Josh's body relax immediately. "You're ... kind of a sociopath, at least you have some of the symptoms."

Josh blinked, astonished. "How do you-?"

"You're a bit cold in the way you reason, and I know that if it comes to it, you won't hesitate to use people around you, without harming them. There are touches of narcissism here and there, which can obviously be understood knowing your high intellectual qualities and your charming personality. You probably never explored it but you have a deviant sexuality, carefully buried under layers of self-restraint." Tyler listed with no difficulties, yawning at some point when a particular wave of exhaustion hit him. Josh was amazed. "Yet, you have _empathy_ , something usual sociopath lacks. You're not cruel either, and you _never ever lie_."

Tyler craned his head up, linking his arms lazily behind the neck of a shocked Josh. His _dark dark dark_ eyes were swimming with, Josh was sure about it now, _love_. "I know all of that. I watch you when you're not watching me, I listen when you think that I don't, I learn every little thing about you because I _care_. So yeah, you're an angel Joshua Dun, and you can't make me think otherwi-"

Josh cut him off with a sudden kiss. A hard, passionate kiss he had been dying to hold back during Tyler's amazing tirade. Shock, surprise, love, _adoration_ , he hoped Tyler could feel all of that in the meeting of their lips and the contact of their tongues.

Because _fuck Josh adored him what the hell._

They separated in a harsh breath, gazes locked with no hopes of escaping.

Tyler's smile was dazed, flushed face even more red from something else than his sickness. "Hey... Did my friends do good on the last test?"

Josh blinked before he exploded in laughter. He knew his boy was awkward but that was just _hilarious_. He'll let him get away this time, but this conversation wasn't finished. Josh had a lot to think about.

"I won't tell you your friend's grades." He hummed, finally standing up with his small charge in his arms.

"What's the use of dating a teacher if I can't get anything out of it?" Tyler groaned in mock-frustration, hitting Josh's chest lightly.

"You're such a brat." No heat, Josh was smiling in fondness. He put the boy under the discarded bedsheets and kissed his forehead lovingly.

"I know." His boy said, smug before his breath evened out and fell asleep once again today.

Josh watched him sleep for a long time before he went back to his papers.

In the end, be brought them with him in the bedroom and worked on the bed, keeping an eye on his boy the whole time.

Yeah, he was definitely hooked.  


 

      Tyler beat his own record this time. Five hours after eating and he didn't wake up _once_. Josh never knew it was possible to miss someone that was right here beside you... until now.

The people he was keeping updated about Tyler's condition were getting offended, and it was terribly fun to watch them blow Tyler's phone with messages after messages.

One had to keep themselves entertained how they could. The grading of papers was the part he liked the least about his work, so he did his best to do it as quickly as possible to get rid of it. But the damn pile wasn't going down.

Which was for the best. It kept him busy and unable to think too much.

Those words that tumbled down from Tyler's lips like droplets of water on flowers after the rain- they flashed in his head here and there and got him smiling like a fool but thinking until a headache made itself know.

He knew. Tyler _knew_. Josh wasn't sure he would have been able to explain who he felt he was if Tyler hadn't noticed anything. He was sensible, but at the same time, he didn't feel much. There wasn't a cruel bone in him but he could manipulate easily if the situation asked for it. Coldness, indifference, those were part of him that he desperately tried to push away- leaving him empty, most of the times.

He became _whole_ when he was with Tyler. And when he wasn't, he tried desperately to hold on the pieces of humanity the small boy would give in the blink of an eye and the reward of a kiss.

It was all so _confusing..._

From his peripheral vision, the sheets moved and a small body rose slowly.

Josh beamed, nearly vibrating with happiness. "Baby,"

Tyler blinked slowly at him, dazed from sleep and still red with a fever that, thank God, went down during his sleep.

He retracted his hand from the silent boy's forehead, peering down at him with a small smile.

"Slept well?"

A nod, Tyler crawled toward him and curled on his side, eyes half-open. Josh hoped his squeal at this display of adorableness would stay inside. He was a goddamn adult come _on_.

"Bear, hey bear..." Tyler finally said, voice deliciously croaky.

What a day to be alive.

"Yeah, Ty?"

"D'you know why I wear skirts and dresses sometimes?"

Josh tilted his head slightly, wondering where that came from.

"Huh... You mean, when you dress feminine? What about it?"

Josh had no shame to admit that he startled when Tyler rose from the bed like a grade A zombie, pale and sickly and all of that. He glared at Josh. "That's where you're wrong, bear."

The older man did his best to not squeeze Tyler's cheeks at this cute nickname. He cleared his throat, blinking dazedly. "I am?"

"Yeah! Skirts and dresses aren't girl's clothes, there are clothes and that's it! When girls wear trousers and shirts, are they cross-dressing? huh?" Tyler babbled, waving his hands animatedly even when it made his fever run _higher_.

Josh was too speechless to stop him.

"And," The small boy wheezed, eyes glazing over. "Dudes used to wear dresses and skirts before, they looked hella cool in it lemme tell you! Our shitty society wants to make us think that girl's clothes are _degrading_ , that they're _less_. That's why a dude prancing in skirts is dubbed gay or, or something else very rude..." Tyler wiped the tears of frustration that ran on his cheeks, hiccuping. "But I don't think women are _less_. They're strong and beautiful and if wearing a skirt and makeup makes people think I'm feminine then so be it! There's nothing but pride in me at being compared to a woman ... Cuz they _rock_ , just saying."

Josh was blown over.

And Tyler had the _gall_ to pass out just like that. He woke up, proved to Josh how much of a little genius he was even with a fever, then fell asleep after making Josh rethink about something that always seemed evident.

Josh chuckled, a bemused look on his face that he couldn't wipe off as he tucked Tyler under the sheets again. "Tyler Joseph..."

He pushed his papers and computer on the ground, muting Tyler's and his phone with no care before sliding under the sheets, taking the sleeping boy in his arms. "You make me light-headed." _And so much more_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you goooo. Enjoyed it? ((; Love me some feminist!Tyler *cheers*
> 
> (also shameless promo; please please please go read my oneshot 'Kiwi' it was so much fun to write, I hope it'll be fun for you to read!! (no not you Christie you already read it you angel you))


	23. Road to recovery (getting there)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll call you precious one, then," Josh whispered, a gorgeous smile spreading on his lips. Tyler felt his heart swell.
> 
> "Yeah?" He breathed in lieu of an answer, winding his arms behind Josh's neck. "Why's that?"

 

        Tyler let out a contented sigh, head tilted sideways and nearly all of his senses on alert. His hearing, sight, smell, taste, all directed toward the beautiful scenery behind the glass windows. He just wanted to be outside right now, get lost in the forest that circled Josh's home and play with the deer that he _swore_ had just passed by.

He blinked, opening his mouth to shout something before he closed it in wonder. The wilderness of this island had either been underestimated, or his fever was still running high and he had imagined everything.

It had been so real, he thought as he took a sip of his scorching tea, eyes roaming the backwoods with more scrutiny. Nothing; just birds and the occasional flash of running bunnies.

Running bunnies, what?

His toes curled in reflex as the heat of the tea burned his tongue, taking his mind off the forest to the reality of his hot beverage and his palms and fingers that were already turning red. It wasn't the pain that had startled him out of his daydreams, but the fact that his hands had trembled and he had spilled tea everywhere on the glass table.

Pursing his lips, he wiped his mess and brought his trembling hands on his chest. The pain hadn't registered at all. Maybe... Maybe Josh was right, and his problems went past the limits of his psyche to invade the physical aspect.

A veil of darkness threatened to breach his good mood, but he pushed it away with a vigorous shake of his head, tightening his hold on his white cup. Not today, Lypophrenia.

The storm had wrecked havoc for a week straight, painting a shadowy portrait of what would usually be a bright island. He had been elated, of course, ditching his bed to stick himself to the windows and yearn to dance under the downpour.

He couldn't stop himself from snickering quietly when he remembered the exhausted face of his lover every time he had to fetch Tyler from somewhere else than a place of rest. They _had_ called a doctor when they realized that his fever wasn't going down anytime soon, and rest with a regular intake of medicine was what the doctor had preached non-stop after he had finished examining Tyler.

Josh, bless his existence, hadn't stopped worrying whenever Tyler disappeared from the bed. It had been fun for Tyler, still is, actually. He _did_ feel a bit bad for worrying his man, but Josh losing his composure was something that seldom happened.

Unless they were in bed, which, believe him, he couldn't be happier about.

"What are you smirking about, little one?"

Tyler swore under his breath as he spilled his tea once again, startled by the low, rumbling voice that came out of nowhere. He put a hand on his wildly beating heart, turning around to glare at the man that had sneaked behind him.

Slap him with a shoe and call him Monica, Josh looked freaking _hot_ in his working clothes.

"Don't call me that," He muttered, reddening steadily at the curious look Josh threw him. "I'm okay now." He wiped at his cheeks, trying to erase his blush and the embarrassed expression he was sure now stained his face.

He didn't look at the man as he heard him approaching, heart beating for a different reason now that a familiar scent hit his nose and large hands gripped his knees.

After the rain, freshly cut mint and a breeze in the approaching winter. That was how Josh smelt, that was the signal for Tyler to become flustered and his confidence to shrink far away in the corner of his mind.

When would he be accustomed to the mere presence of this man? Of _his_ man? They were dating for God's sake, Tyler has no reasons to be intimidated!

He looked at Josh dead in the eyes when the man squeezed his knees gently, determined to not lose his composure and embrace all the little things Josh made him feel.

They were all welcome because Josh was the one who induced them.

His eyes didn't waver away from the intense, clear-hazel that were Josh's headlight because he was _not_ a bashful person.

What was the point in doing everything he could for the man to be more depraved, if he, himself, became shy at the slightest touch?

Josh knowing _that_  part of him shouldn't be a reason for Tyler to become hesitant.

He had to trust the older man on that.

"I'll call you precious one, then," Josh whispered, a gorgeous smile spreading on his lips. Tyler felt his heart swell.

"Yeah?" He breathed in lieu of an answer, winding his arms behind Josh's neck. "Why's that?"

There were fireworks in Josh's eyes, they appeared everytime his smile spread and when his hands danced on Tyler's body. So Tyler didn't avert his gaze, didn't flinch when Josh's grasp went from his knee to his thighs and finished their journey in the small of his waist.

He didn't say anything, for he wanted to see more of those fireworks.

"Because you're a treasure," Josh stated simply, fondly, eyes alight and hold possessive on the small boy's body.

Warm and sweet and something along the lines of heavenly, Josh was, his hold too, and all the pretty things he told Tyler wholeheartedly without an ounce of dishonesty.

And so for, it was natural for a joyous laugh to tumble from Tyler's lips, instinctive for Josh to lift the boy with the utmost delicacy and bury his flaming face under an abundance of kisses.

Just as they went on their way to school, Josh distracted by the crook on his tie and the ticking clock, Tyler couldn't help himself from stopping the man and bringing him down in a searing kiss.

A large hand on his lower back crushed their bodies together, and Josh wiped that smug smirk off Tyler's lips with a well-deserved slap on his behind.

Tyler looked entirely too pleased with something that was supposed to be a punishment.

 

 

  
     When Tyler entered his first class of the day, no traces of his previous nervousness were to be seen. His friends weren't by his side, and he had parted ways with Josh minutes ago with another heated kiss where no one could see them.

The long walk in the corridors had been pursued alone, stance relaxed and steps nonchalant; He didn't smile, but he didn't scowl either, his expression a cool shade of insouciance as he strutted his way through the whispering students.

Whispers that had been destined to his humble self, if the long looks he had received were anything to go by. Really, Tyler didn't know what was so intriguing about him that had them talking with no rest.

He tugged at one of his long locks, pursing his lips when he was once again confronted by the insistent gazes of his peers in his classroom.

Did he have something on his face? No, surely he couldn't have something on his face for two goddamn months. Because that was the exact period of time they decided he was someone of enough interest to be talked about and looked at every damn time they had the chance.

Tyler was good at ignoring them, but it was starting to be unnerving.

"Tyler, my main man!"

A smile tugged at his lips at the same time as Pete threw himself on him. A Smile that only widened when the other boy jumped away with a gasp, a worried light in his eyes. "I'm sorry," He continued immediately, panicked. "I forgot that you didn't like to be touched anymore- which is perfectly understandable and-"

"Pete..."

The other boy threw a hand over his mouth, eyes wide. Tyler had to stop himself from laughing out loud.

"Did I say too much? S, it I forgot that people liked to listen to our conversation, I'm sorry man."

He seemed so anxious, sure that he did something wrong; Tyler took pity on him.

"Pete, my friend," The small boy started, tugging his friend in a tight hug. "I'm okay."  _More than I thought I'll ever be._

He felt Pete return the embrace just as tightly, so much that Tyler felt his feet leave the ground in a matter of seconds. Man, this guy was strong.

"Pete!" Patrick gasped, probably deciding to leave his silent observation in fear of having their little friend crushed. "He's fine with contact, not a bone-crushing hug!"

"Oh..."

"Yeah, _oh!_ " Patrick mumbled, pushing his boyfriend away to bring the laughing boy in a gentle embrace. Gentle, that word described Patrick perfectly. "Jesus, Tyler I'm so sorry... We've been so worried..."

Tyler hummed, closing his thin arms around his friend. It was warm and pleasing, Tyler could forget they were in a class of twenty other curious teenagers. He did, actually. "I missed you guys too." And oh, Tyler hoped they could understand how sincere he was.

Pete beamed behind Patrick, looking like an over-excited puppy and nothing like the tough guy He liked to give the impression of.

"You know, I'm pretty sure that Dallon and Halsey are plotting Pete's and mine's deaths."

Patrick looked way too smug for someone with a death threat hanging over his head, Tyler noted with a raised eyebrow. But, soon, his mind caught up on something more important.

_Dallon and Halsey._

"Can I, like, ditch this class and visit theirs?" His two friends look offended, Tyler stifled a laugh. "Not that I don't love you guys, but, you know how much those two like to worry right?"

Pete _did_  laugh, while Patrick rolled his eyes, a playful smile etched on his lips. "Who doesn't know?" At Tyler's hopeful eyes, he tutted lightly. "You're not ditching science class, Tyler Joseph."

An airy, high chuckle startled the three of them. They turned around like one to find themselves in front of their science teacher.

They gulped, and, she only chuckled, amused. "I'll have to agree with Stump here, you missed enough class as it is, Joseph."

"Sorry, ma'am." He mumbled, cheeks red. He promised himself to steal Pete's dessert, the bastard was laughing at him.

"Don't worry Mrs. Ryan. We'll make sure that he won't go anywhere." Patrick beamed, taking an armful of Tyler's blue sweatshirt. That teacher's pet. Tyler would steal his dessert too.

She laughed once more, her beautiful features alighted by amusement and fondness. That was understandable, Patrick was a sweetheart, and no teachers to Tyler's knowledge were able to resist his good manners.

"I trust Wentz and Stump to make sure you don't run away from my class, Joseph, I _do_  know how much you hate science." Tyler had the decency to blush, ashamed even though he knew she didn't mean anything by her words. "I'm glad you're doing better."

Her smile was even warmer, as she said her parting words, and Tyler watched her return to that obnoxiously large desk with wonder.

She was so _nice_.

Patrick dragged him to their assigned places, Pete following them with a mischievous smirk. "And to think you hated her at the beginning of the year..."

"Hush!" the small brunet whisper-yelled, cheeks aflame as they exploded in laughter.

Tyler couldn't help himself, okay? It had been clear she had a crush on Josh so he had been quite miffed every time he saw her.

He _was_  a jealous little boy after all.

 

 

  
         A few hours later, clueless students witnessed a dramatic reunion. This dramatic reunion featured by a suffocating tiny brunet flailing against the monstrous grip of a blue-haired girl and sending pleading looks to a ridiculously tall boy.

The thing was, a scene like this wasn't strange anymore in the halls of this school; not since a certain transfer student managed to gain the affection of one of the most talked-about group in Big Valley High.

No one found it necessary to explain it to the boy, which was a shame, as it would have cut short his long and headache-inducing musings about the _stares_.

As it was, new student Tyler Joseph still had no idea why he attracted so much attention, but right now, he was more worried about the ribs that Halsey was thoroughly crushing. It was official, she was stronger than Pete.

"Be concerned," He wheezed toward a teary-eyed Dallon, wincing when Halsey started to cry. He hated making her cry, yet he felt like all her tears nowadays were shed for him.

Dallon nodded, prying easily the blue-haired girl off the struggling boy. Tyler was hit by a sense of déja-vu.

"I was so damn worried," She gasped, wringing her hands together as if she was trying to not jump the small boy once again. Tyler eyed them warily; he sure as hell hoped she managed to restrain herself. "You didn't answer your phone _all_  week, thank God for Professor Dun!"

Tyler smirked. If only she knew.

"I guess," He answered, a fond smile etched in his lips as he tried desperately to not let the guilt eat at him. His friends were way too good to him, a day didn't pass without him having a grateful thought to them. "I was forced into bed rest and..." He hesitated, biting his lips. "I wasn't in a good place, the day I wanted to give you guys some news."

Dallon nodded in understanding, clasping a warm hand on his shoulder. "Did you manage...?"

"I did." Tyler interrupted him, a sweet smile on his lips. They looked at him in wonder for a whole minute, making him flush in embarrassment. "What?"

"You... You've changed." Halsey answered, taking a single step toward him to stroke his cheek. He leaned into it without thinking.

"After what happened, we thought that you would be, well..."

"More shaken? Afraid?" Tyler whispered, humming softly as they nodded, apprehensive.

He was glad that they were huddled together like a bunch of penguins, even if they looked ridiculous, at least no one would be able to listen to them. He didn't feel like explaining shit, but he also knew that he would be unable to tell them to get lost if they asked any questions.

He took the small hand that was on his cheek, and took Dallon's too, squeezing them tightly. He hoped they could read everything his words weren't able to channel.

The surrounding noises disappeared, right here and then, it was just Tyler, Halsey and Dallon, sharing wordlessly a moment few friends ever did.

But that was okay. Their friendship may only be two months long, Tyler could swear years of being with other individuals wouldn't hold a candle to what they had.

He had found people who loved him enough to immediately take him under their wings and appear at his door at 3 AM in the morning if he did as much as hint at a bad mood.

People who cared enough to _worry_  and ask about his well-being _every single day_  the sun rose in the sky.

That was a lot. Much more than Tyler ever hoped for.

"Thanks for being there," He said, simply, red tinting his cheeks and eyes glazing with a surge of affection and gratefulness. "Thanks for being _you_."

They were a trio of cry-babies, he realized when those two started crying and cursing him for being such a sap. But that was okay.

That was okay. _More than okay._

 

 

        "Can I just say how much I love what you're wearing?" Brendon sighed dreamily as if he hadn't just squeezed the life out of Tyler seconds ago. The younger boy rolled his eyes, though there was no heat in that annoyed gesture as he smiled just after, eyes sparkling with affection. He had missed him, crazy as he was.

"Yeah? It's nothing revealing, though, aren't you disappointed?" He teased, snickering when Brendon threw him an offended look, a finger pointed at himself as if he was saying 'who? Me?'.

"You wound me, little cookie," Brendon whined, draping his lanky self over the laughing teen. He had no shame about splaying himself over Dallon's lap in the process, the latter resigning himself to his faith with few complaints. It _was_  Brendon they were talking about. If he wanted to so something, he just did and no one had any rights to stop him. "Everyone knows that I'm only interested in what lays in your heart...!"

Tyler gave him an amused look, patting him on the shoulder. "Ya, sure." He drawled, laughing once again when Brendon threw himself in a narration about his lack of interest in the human body.

"...Because love, my dear, love is everything! And..." Tyler tuned him out in favor of gazing at his surroundings. Nothing had changed, obviously, yet it felt weird to return to school as if nothing had happened when actually  _too much_  had happened.

It felt foreign, this noise, the laughs, the conversations flowing behind him in front of him and wherever he decided to look. The smiles, the teasing, the food that flew from plate to plate or from table to table, resulting in swears or others burst of laughter. It was _warm_ , familiar and reassuring; Mundane, a routine, actually. They were probably used to this, all of them, this scene was plain, eating in that commonplace and sharing this simple moment with their friends. From the too-big groups who seemed to govern over the lunchroom to the smaller ones that kept to themselves.

There was something extraordinary about all of that but Tyler couldn't even bring himself to be shocked; not about the extravagant room, he couldn't find suspicious that teenagers like them had access to obnoxiously fancy food and lavish settings. Not now, not anymore, not when half the time he had spent on this island was about feeling dirtier than ever and deprived of basic human dignity after people violated his intimacy.

(His skin itched just by thinking about it.)

So, no, no way. Tyler didn't want to be suspicious about this opulent school anymore. He was dating a teacher, older than him by nothing less than eleven years and had a freaking unknown stalker who may be watching his every move.

This school may be extravagant, but it was where Tyler found the normality he so much yearned for.

That wasn't asking for too much, right? He thought, biting his lips as his fingers worked mindlessly through Brendon's hair. A sense of normality was all he was asking for, in the middle of this madness.

He just wanted... to feel normal, once again.

"Tyler, you missed Halloween!" Jack gasped in the middle of his conversation with Alex. Tyler wanted to cry. He _loved_  Halloween. Screw everything.

"I missed the event of the year, you mean." He pouted, flicking Brendon on his forehead when Dallon screamed about inappropriate touching.

"It's okay," Alex said, a lazy smile on his face. He looked a bit high, Tyler observed, he _was_  high holy shit. "It wasn't that fun."

Declan raised an eyebrow. "It _was_  fun," He whispered, glaring at Jon when the taller boy hit his foot under the table. But Jon simply smiled sweetly at him.

"All lies." He assured. Tyler didn't believe him.

Hopefully, he wouldn't miss anything else.

Yet, he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that this thought was nothing but wishful thinking.

_Damn it._


	24. Anticipation (wait for it)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I-I don't know what you're talking about..." He tried to play it off, smiling nervously, but Tyler's _dark dark dark_ eyes are fixed on him, and the thick expanse of his eyelashes cast another, darker shadow on his gaze. Keeping one's composure in front of this type of look is impossible, so Daniel breakdowns and nod like a madman. "I do. I do know, we all do. But I can't say anything, I'm sorry."

 

                    Nothing extraordinary had happened. Not before his lunch break and neither after. It was safe to assume that Tyler was a bit terrified. He wasn't the kind of guy who lived off adrenaline and strove for all the things that were peculiar, yet, to his dismay, it was everything he had been accustomed to. Two months on this island and Tyler had rarely passed a day without something weird happening, in the best and worst way possible.

So, forgive him for being paranoid.

Tyler leaned back in his chair, listening to his friends as he looked at his surroundings. Judging by Halsey's cute frown, she probably thought that he wasn't paying attention. 

 _How silly._  

"And? What happened after you fell with as much grace as a hippopotamus in math's class?" He asked, smiling sweetly as her lips formed a little 'o'. She immediately hit him on the arm - lightly, everyone knew of her abnormal strength.

"Don't look so smug, I thought you weren't listening!"

He shrugged, cocking his head to the side as his eyes found hers. "I know you don't like to be heard, so I listened to you. As always."

She relaxed. Instantly, her shoulders sagged and a pretty smile curled her lips. 

"Everyone but Dallon laughed," She went back to her story without any more fuss, though she let herself fall on Dallon's side and her right hand intertwine with Tyler's. He squeezed it softly. "Declan, that asshole, rolled on the floor with how much he was laughing," Dallon smirked.

"The two of you act like a married couple, you sure there's nothing between you?" Tyler wiggled his eyebrows, snickering when Halsey dug her sharp nails into his palm, making gagging noises.

"No way. Plus, he's too gay for my tastes."

"You're gay." Dallon quipped with a dead-pan, abandoning his book in favor of joining their conversation. Tyler chanced a look at it and snorted softly. _Psychology_. He was going to ignore that and pretend it didn't concern him. Nope. 

They launched into another argument about bisexuality and an all around very queer conversation that few people managed to follow them in. So Tyler went back to his observation as discreetly as he could. There was no need to arouse suspicion in his friends, they worried enough as it was.

He ignored the bundle of nervousness in his stomach. _Everyone_ was looking at them. Again. Discreet, but not really. They were all about fleeting glances and blank stares, whispered words they tried to pass off as casual conversations yet floated to Tyler's ears as nothing but.

Wondering gazes, questioning. Those were the ones destined to his less than impressive figure. Tyler wished he could ignore them, wished- that they wouldn't bother him so much, leave him as uncomfortable as he felt. But his auto persuasion didn't work, it left his nails tapping his desk in uneasiness and the skin wrapping his bones itch with turbulence.

He swore those seconds were minutes, and the three minutes that painfully went were nothing but hours in disguise. Josh should be here, it was the hour he strode in his classroom with his usual relaxed pace, and a carefree smile that put them all at ease. Josh would push his restlessness away in a breeze, easily, without even knowing about it. Because at the point where Tyler stood at, not even his friends could bring him back to his tranquil self  _because because because-_

They were the source of Tyler's malaise. No no no, not them, not directly- it was strange, they were acting strange, they were being them but their flow was disturbed, there was an edge under their smiles and bag of shadows lurking behind their words. Tyler was a good judge of character, he had to be, otherwise, he would have been eaten alive countless times for the vulnerable state he was left in for three _long_  years.

Tyler was a good judge of character, so Tyler could see, so Tyler could  _feel,_ Tyler  _knew that something didn't ring well within his friend's behavior._

You could find it in their sad smiles when Tyler asked about the stares, stored in their tense shoulders the moment Tyler frowned as he heard pieces of confusing conversations, clear in looks exchanged when they thought Tyler wasn't paying attention. He had tried to ignore it, all of it, all of this strangeness. He had wanted to feel normal again, to settle back in their routine and pray that the spell of disaster cast on him had finally worn itself out.

Tyler had tried. He had.

But when those tentatives left his soul in disarray and the trust in his friends fragile, he supposed there was no point in being stubborn. Plans were made and never followed through, Tyler could be tenacious all he wanted but there were signs he wouldn't be able to ignore forever.

Shaky, vans-clad feet tapped the floor at the same rhythm as his fingers did, and it was as if his whole body finally registered that  _no,_ it wasn't going to get peace anytime soon, because he started to gnaw on his sleeves, heart beating and a jitter taking hostage his appendages.

God, was a little peace too much to ask? Tyler was going to have another breakdown - just when he finally got his head out of the water.

Normal, Tyler, be normal. You have every rights to feel paranoid but please act normal.

Was his stalker observing him right now? Perhaps, but unlikely, there were too many guards appointed all around the school. He couldn't relax, still, the threat was  _inside_. In this school, in his friends. 

"You okay?" 

He lifted his head, smiling weakly. Dallon was looking at him with a look that Tyler was all too familiar with. Worry. But he didn't want to be worried at, he wanted answers. Yet, he kept his questions locked in his heart, an honest smile painting on his lips when the taller boy left his place to take Tyler in his arms. Halsey just pivoted on her seat and placed her hands on the rips of his jean's clad knees. 

This class...

This class, and all the other classes, they were all divided into little groups. Little...Cliques. Tyler had seen it all before, in his old school, when he was nothing but a freshman and felt tinier than ever in front of those bigger people. He had seen it all, but never to this extent. It was like...

... Like they were sharing a dirty little secret. A secret who put shackles around their wrists and glue over their mouths.

It didn't put any strain on their eyes and ears though. So they looked. They looked and stared and listened until Tyler felt paranoia all over his mind.

He didn't feel safe anymore.

When did this relative peace start to fall apart?

A small, sneaky voice told him he never found peace to begin with. But Tyler was tired of listening to it, tired of feeling doubt and fear destroy his joy and spit dark blotches on the portraits of his happiness. He'll have to have faith this time around. In what? In who? In Josh for sure, the rest was nothing but waves of hazy suspicion. But that was enough, Josh was more than enough; Tyler would have faith in him until it all ended and beyond, he was sure the whole picture would start to make sense soon.

He hoped, at least.

_Let's go along with this class and the two last one. Then we'll see, then we'll face our issues._

 

 

A boy. There was a boy in the doorframe of their classroom. Now, there was nothing suspicious about it and in fact, things would have been troubling if there were  _no_ boys in their classroom. Their distress laid in the identity of this individual. The student council president. You know, the one who took care of annoying paperwork and thought he was important because of it. He wasn't a bad person, per se. Daniel Cross was a raven-haired boy with glasses thicker than the book he always carried on his person and a bad habit of bothering other students with rules nobody cared about.

Dallon didn't have anything against him. Until this moment. This second, really. The one where after scanning the room, expression unreadable on his face, his attention stopped on their little trio and motioned for  _Tyler Joseph_ to follow him. His little friend had blinked when he heard his name. Dallon had felt his heartbeat change frequency against his chest.

"What do you want from him?" Dallon demanded, feeling dread take over his stomach. He knew there must have been a rough edge to his voice when Tyler pushed away from his hold. Yet, his eyes didn't wander away from the rapidly paling Daniel. 

He cleared his throat, opening and closing his mouth as if he didn't know what to say, but he quickly presented a blue note in front of him. Dallon's darkening expression must have played a role in it. "Professor Iero summoned him in his private office," he stammered, hands trembling, "I've been instructed t-to relay the message a-and guide him..."

"We're coming with you," Halsey stated before Dallon could reply, and she was quick to tidy their things and tug a bemused-looking Tyler from his seat. "Come on."

"I don't suppose I have any say in this...?"

Tyler's voice was quiet, strained. Dallon felt immediately guilty. "I-"

"Whatever." The smaller boy scoffed. He strode toward the waiting student council president with a glare, his pretty, doll-like face contorted in passive anger. 

Dallon wasn't stupid. He knew Halsey wasn't either, judging by the way she followed Tyler with a resigned expression. They knew; they weren't stupid. There was much more to Tyler's irritation than the fact they weren't leaving him any choice concerning Professor Iero's summon. Their friend had his flaws but being quick to anger wasn't one of them. Neither was being inconsiderate. He would be annoyed; but then, he'll understand that his friends were just scared for his safety because the last time he went somewhere without them - something  _detestable_ had happened.

Tyler was irritated about something else. About questions he never seemed to get answers of and secrets he was kept away from. 

Dallon watched. He watched Tyler's hands ball into tiny fists. And Dallon felt. He felt intense stares on the whole way out of the classroom and Halsey's fear as she slipped a hand into his. He squeezed it back, and never stopped walking. 

He felt fear too. A fear which decided to make a permanent place in his heart the longer they withheld the truths from Tyler. A fear who drew pained grimaces on his face as he was forced to see Tyler's trust in them fluctuate. It hurt. To watch this scene unfolds and being unable to do anything. 

Tyler followed Daniel Cross. He was a few steps behind, nothing in his pace relaxed. Dallon wondered what expression his lovely face held. An angry one, probably, or maybe a sullen one. In either case Dallon couldn't fault him, he had played nice way too long already, had opened his arms and loved them with such a warmth - being kept in the dark as he was just seemed... cruel.

They didn't intend to hurt him. But they did. Somewhere between the beginning of September to this day, something had changed. A change welcomed, but unexpected nonetheless. So they panicked.  _'We'll tell him tomorrow'_ became _'just one more week'_ to _'he's already suffered enough'_ and finally landed in _'he'll hate us if we tell him'._ In the middle of that, Tyler had pulled a strength they were unaware of and got back to his feet stronger than he was formerly. His face was highlighted in ways it had never been before, his steps lighter and his smile - brighter. They knew  _someone_ happened. Someone who took away the dark package that used to hold Tyler down. Someone who healed his wounds and opened his eyes to a world that wasn't so bad, finally. Who was this someone? Dallon didn't know.

He didn't know. However, he was jealous. They all were. Teenagers trapped in their lies, scared to see one of them go because he had found a better source of comfort. Tyler wasn't the kind of person to do that - to act like that. He was too pure, too kind, he loved them too much and told them so. Yet, how would he react once they told him the things he was dying to know? They feared it, that reaction. But too caught up in the 'what-ifs', they forgot the  _present_. They forgot the fact Tyler could see, Tyler could hear, Tyler could feel the underlying truths drifting in the school's air, in his classmate's gazes.  

So here they were, walking. Walking down the chilled school's corridors, wrapped in an oppressive silence. Walking further away from their little friend because they feared going closer. Dallon wanted to walk beside him. He wanted to hold his tiny hand in his and listen to Halsey's less than discreet remarks about Daniel Cross's obvious fear of them. He wanted that closeness they had not too long ago. However, acting on that desire would mean clearing the pile of secrets that separated them from Tyler.

They couldn't do that. For the sole reason that they were scared.

Tyler...

Tyler looked so lonely.

Dallon couldn't see his face, just his little figure that seemed even smaller. He couldn't see his face, but it was obvious that their little one was  _lonely_. Angry, frustrated, and  _lonely._

How selfish of them.

"H-Here we are..." Daniel broke the heavy silence shakily, playing with his fingers. Halsey would be laughing at this usually. Now it was like her mouth was frozen. Dallon couldn't hold it against her, he was just as much at a loss for words.

Tyler didn't say a thing, but he turned toward what should be Professor's Iero office. The door in front of them was quite different from the classroom's one, it had the old but imposing features the school's architecture possessed, a plain silver-grey color clean and shining as if it had been just restored. The intricate, beautiful carvings in them gave more the air of a rich mansion rather than... a school's office. Those were the adornment one would see in a fantasy movie, quite confusing in a school setting. 

Dallon was used to it. They all were. Yet, although it wasn't the first time Tyler was confronted to the school's striking design, his shock still lurked behind an expression of faux-calm.

That is before it turned into one of resolve. Halsey's hold on his hand became painful on his hand. Tyler didn't look at them, turning toward the cowering Daniel Cross.

"You," Tyler's voice demanded attention, it wasn't harsh or overly confident, just an assured inquisition that made you perk up whether you wanted to or not. So Daniel stands at attention, looking anxiously at the smaller boy. "Is there something about this school you're not telling me?"

Now, Dallon understood Halsey's panic. His own heartbeats picked up. "Tyler-"

"I wasn't talking to you Dal'," the voice was still soft, yet so _so_ deadly, "Daniel, I asked you something."

Daniel closed his eyes, looking as if he was going to faint in a second. But then he opened his mouth, and God helps him if he said anything compromising because Dallon  _will_ attack.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about..." He tried to play it off, smiling nervously, but Tyler's  _dark dark dark_ eyes are fixed on him, and the thick expanse of his eyelashes cast another, darker shadow on his gaze. Keeping one's composure in front of this type of look was impossible, so Daniel broke down and nodded like a madman. "I do. I do know, we all do. But I can't say anything, I'm sorry."

And he's gone. Just like the wind. He took some steps backward and ran like the devil was after him.

Tyler crossed his arms over his chest and didn't look at them. He didn't need to. Fury rolled off that tiny body of his in waves. 

Dallon felt the wall separating them grow in size. Yet, he couldn't do anything. Tyler waited and waited, seconds became minutes and he was still there. For nothing. Dallon and Halsey were unable to even open their mouths. 

"I see." He whispered.

It sounded like he was done. Maybe he was, as he lift his hand and knocked thrice. A muffled voice answered him and he didn't hesitate to place a steady hand on the doorknob and open it in a flourish. Dallon wished he could have laughed about it with Tyler, fake-mock him on the princess-like manners he used on a daily basis. 

But he couldn't. He watched his little friend close the door behind them with a reasoning sound. Halsey's death-grip on his hand didn't register, there was another, stronger and colder one gripping his heart.

They messed up.

 

 

 

                Tyler didn't know what to expect when entered the office.

He hadn't been thinking about it at all. The reason of his summon in Professor Iero's classroom was the last thing he cared about right now. Knocking and entering the room was done on auto-pilot. He had been thinking too much, once again. It wasn't by choice. Few things had been revealed for his tastes,  _too much_ according to his heart. A familiar pain had been tugging at it since they left the classroom. Since his suspicions had been confirmed and actually revealed to be worse than he had thought at first.

 _Betrayal_ was a word dancing around in his head. He refused to accept it, in fear of crying here and there in front of a man who probably couldn't care less. So Tyler pushed those thoughts away. He tried to maintain himself in a blank state, calm the hurricane of questions and confusion threatening to swallow him whole. He would have to get over whatever his teacher wanted first, then he could collapse wherever and try to sort up things. He didn't feel good at all. Queasy and nervous and cold and  _bad._

His eyes were trained on the wooden floor, carefully blank. He didn't know what to expect from this visit. He just hoped it wouldn't be as terrible as the moment he just experienced.

"Tyler?"

The brunet snapped his head upward, a gasp leaving his parted lips. "Josh!"

Josh gestured toward the seat beside him. A gorgeous smile stretched his lips and his eyes were  _so_ warm. Tyler didn't feel cold anymore. He walked quickly toward the man and glowed with pride at the knowledge that  _he_ was the one who made Josh smile like that.  _Him._ Young and small and silly Tyler so naive everyone left him out of the loop. 

He was sitting in the seat next to his lover's before he even thought about it, everything else lost to him as he gazed at Josh with what he knew was adoration. He had missed this splendid piece of man that happened to be his  _boyfriend_ , sue him.

"Hey," he whispered, eyes locked with Josh's sparkling cocoa butter ones. 

"Hi," Josh murmured back, and Tyler had to keep a squeal of delight when Josh placed a big, warm hand on his knee. He shivered.

Professor Iero sighed. That was the moment Tyler chose to acknowledge his existence. He did so with a sheepish smile, an embarrassed blush staining his cheeks. Holy shit, his music teacher just saw him flirting ... with another teacher. 

Yet, the man behind the imposing mahogany desk didn't seem disturbed at all. Actually, he looked amused. "You guys go and kiss or whatever," he waved them off, rolling his eyes. "I'm probably the only one in this school you can be free around."

Tyler didn't have the time to express his surprise. An arm slid around his shoulder and a hot mouth slid on his smoothly. He moaned quietly in bliss, moving forward without another thought and sliding his arms around Josh's shoulders. It felt warm and moist and kind of like chocolate, probably because Josh was constantly eating some - Tyler never protested, it made their kisses even  _better._

"Oh geez you guys are  _thirsty,_ " Professor Iero whistled when they separated, breath harsh and eyes burning with a barely contained lust.

Josh sat back in his seat, the hand on Tyler's hip moving downward to his thigh. Tyler bite his lips to not moan out loud. That bastard  _knew_ he was sensitive there. "I guess,"

"You definitely are," the other professor insisted, before sighing at Josh's smug look. "Whatever, I called you guys here for a reason."

They immediately looked at him, in alert. Tyler really  _really_ hoped it wasn't something important.

"Is it important?" He decided to ask, hand sliding in Josh's for support.

Professor Iero mulled over the answer. "It is," He finally said, looking guiltily down at some papers on his desk. "We discovered there were other culprits behind your... assault."

The temperature in the room went down in a second. Tyler looked at him with a carefully blank expression. "I forgot."

"He didn't," Josh cut in suddenly, throwing a stern glare at his young lover who looked away, frowning heavily. "he's stubborn enough to ignore an elephant in a tiny room. He needs to know." Josh quieten down, eyes hardening. "We need to know."

A silence settled on the room. A weird one, where they looked at each other in anticipation. Tyler knew it was the right thing to do. Emotions that he thought he had buried were slowly creeping upward. If he didn't deal with that fucking case soon, it will haunt him all his life. He knew that. So he nodded.

Reluctantly.

Professor Iero grimaced. "I warned you..."

Then, he started talking. 

 


	25. The air begins to feel, a little thin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anger was running deeper than ever in her bones; her heart was beating so freaking hard and her stomach – tied in knots. What did Marina and Lana know? And why- why were people still giving Tyler attention? He didn’t deserve it, she did! He was worthless and disgusting and-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm such a bitch i'm already laughing

 

               The boy was a worrying shade of pale. Which was normal. At least, Frank thought so. How was one supposed to react in this kind of situation? Anger. Perhaps, for someone with a hot temperament. Frank didn’t know, Frank had never been there. The thing was, Tyler was a worrying shade of pale and Frank hoped with everything in him that it was normal, regarding the memories he surely had awoken.

That made guilt sip into his bones. The kid didn’t deserve to be reminded of that, nobody did.

Frank… Frank just wanted to get up and get a ride to the hospital right here and then. Just to, you know, have a little chat with the perpetrators of Tyler’s suffering. Who in their right mind would hurt someone this way?

Tyler looked like he would faint any second from now on, eyes glazed and lips pressed into a thin line. Was he still with them? What were those glassy, dark eyes of his looking at? What if telling him everything was nothing but a bad idea, despite their insistence?

Josh was here, he tried to reassure himself. Josh would know what to do, he always did.

Yet, as he shifted his gaze to look at his friend, he saw him looking nearly as anxious as his young lover was.

Great.

He didn’t have a choice, though. Justice had to be done, and who knows, maybe it would ease away some of Tyler’s anguish? No. Who was he kidding? He may not be an expert in traumatism, but he sure as hell knew that those kinds of suffering took years to disappear. Even then… They were like scars. Vibrant and detestable reminders of a terrible wrong-doing.

Tyler would have to live with those forever.

It was evident. Oh, how clear it was, in those actions that few people would have noticed. For he saw with his own eyes how deep the trauma ran. While some minutes ago, they had been kissing as if it was the last thing they would do, now, the simple movement of Josh’s hand toward him made Tyler flinch away and take in a surprised breath. Frank tensed in his seat.

They stood at a standstill. Tyler wasn’t looking at Josh, he wasn’t looking at Frank either. His eyes were fixed on a point only him knew. Then, there's some sort of light coming back in his eyes, bringing recognition with him. He delicately took Josh’s hand in his and smiled weakly. He was still pale, still lost in what Frank knew were black memories, and he _still_ wasn’t looking at them. Where was he…?

Frank bite his lips as the boy retreated into his shell, eyes completely turning downward. He was actively evading their gazes, and Frank hoped it wasn’t because of the reason that immediately sprang to his mind.

Shame. An unreasonable one, obviously. Yet, in the touches of red staining Tyler’s cheeks, his slight quake, and the way he avoided looking at them – Frank could only come to that conclusion. The boy was feeling ashamed. Ashamed of something that _wasn’t_ his fault. It broke Frank’s heart, just like _this_ day. The cursed one, a month ago. Time flew, but the memories stayed. He would never be able to forget what he had seen. Never.

“Baby,” Josh whispered, a low sound that broke the heavy silence in the bureau and blew away the stillness that seized each of them. Tyler let out a quiet little noise in lieu of an answer, head tilted down. Frank asked himself the question, once again – where was he…?

With them. That is, once Josh took his face between his hands and gently pushed the boy to look at him. He gasped as if snapped out of his dreams. His lips opened to say something but they closed a second later. He simply looked at Josh, confused.

“You’re fine,” Frank heard the other man whisper, and it was enough for Tyler’s tensed body to relax immediately. It was enough for his smile to turn warm and sincere and his presence to come back with them. Josh placed a kiss on his nose, another one on his cheek, and the last one on his forehead – where his lips stayed.

And so forth, Tyler closed his eyes and took in a shuddering breath. “I’m fine,” He squeaked out as his voice wavered. “I’m fine,” He said again, a bit more assured. “I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine.”

It sounded like a litany, a familiar symphony, one that Josh joined in with a low humming and the reassurance of his hands as they squeezed tightly Tyler’s.

They’re lost in their own world. One in which nothing but the safety and the well-being of the other matter; one that seem to make their wounds heal and their mutual anxiety disappear. Frank had been friends with Josh for some years now, he prided himself in knowing him better than most people out there – yet, this was the first time he felt like there was a stranger in front of him.

The love he held toward Tyler was so obvious. How had they never been caught? How could anyone miss that they completed each other in ways few people ever did? Frank could have been jealous, he had been, at one point. For their feelings seemed to be of those artists in all times wrote and sang about.

It’s only after observing them separately that the jealousy disappeared. Oh. No, don’t get him wrong, they were great people by themselves. He didn’t know much about Tyler, but he seemed like a nice enough person. Josh too, if the adoration the student-body held toward him was anything to go by.

They’re great people by themselves, Frank thought again. But they were empty. Missing something, missing the important piece that made pure happiness shine within them. By himself, Tyler had given the image of being in control, assured, uncaring. It was nothing like that, if one only took the time to observe him in details. Proof was – Frank didn’t know him, but he saw how broken the kid was inside. And Josh. _Josh_. Josh lost himself in the role he had to maintain and did not know what it was to genuinely _feel_. He was a sincere man, an incredibly nice one, but he didn’t _feel_.

At that point, the broken pieces of a boy met the drowning stability of a man – and they became one in ways that did not involve marriage or an official union, but something greater than that, for they finally got back the missing part of themselves.

Frank did not believe in soulmates. He didn’t. But he was forced to walk past his firm beliefs when he saw them, Joshua and Tyler, Tyler and Joshua.

Which is why-

Which is why the guilt didn’t just sip in his bones anymore, but broke them under its heavy weight. He kind of wanted to die, right now. For he will be the one to tell them the entire truth, the ugly and disgusting one, who might leave Tyler in confusion but certainly break Josh in ways he wasn’t prepared against.

And how terrible it is, to be the bearer of the news that _will_ hurt his best friend. He had finally met who Frank knew was _the one_ and yet, life loved playing games; loved playing those games that were simply cruel, loved playing these games – until their heart bleeds.

Frank was reluctant to tell them the truth, but they deserved it. And so much more. They deserved to have a closure, they deserved to know _how_ , they deserved to know _why._ The thing was, that might hurt them even worse. But nothing good came out of truth hidden, Frank knew that, was reminded of it every second he held back the information he was cursed with.

They will know the circumstances of Tyler’s assault, but never of the menace that was still lurking. Frank prayed for the guards to be enough; but it felt like his prayers were nothing but useless and hopeful thoughts, for he perfectly knew that the threat was _within_.

The threat was inside. Where they studied, where they slept, where they lived.

Frank wanted to tell them everything, but whenever the guilt was too much and he wanted to spill his information – he recalled that he could lose everything. His job, his lover, _everything._

They deserved to know, he thought for the hundredth time today, but what would they do with it? What could a boy and a man do against a threat older than their combined ages? Laura Dun, the freaking chairman of this school had her hands tied. How would they fight against this madness?

He knew he was just trying to convince himself. The uneasiness in his stomach screamed at him that he was making the wrong choice.

He closed his eyes and swallowed harshly. Guilt was eating at him badly, he felt like throwing up, with how bad he felt. What if his choices had grave consequences? What if Josh and Tyler were seriously hurt because of the things he was forced to hide?

His head was starting to hurt. Fuck. There was no going back anyway. He wouldn’t talk about _them_ but at least, there was some justice that could be done.

A small justice on the scale of everything, he thought as he gripped the arms of his seat harshly. A small one, indeed.

Willing away his guilt, he cleared his throat and put his elbows on his desk, smiling weakly when the two lovers turned their attention on him. He made sure to push away his negative feelings and convey as much warmth in his eyes as possible when he met their eyes. They were going to be shaken enough as it was with the news that was to be dealt, no need to aggrieve them further.

He switched his gaze to Tyler, and his heart burst with happiness when the boy looked back at him shyly, no longer hiding. Alright. It was a minuscule piece of truth in the scheme of the bigger things, but he owned the boy this much.

The unfortunate boy who had the malediction to be born in the wrong family and gather the attention of the wrong people.

Well. What else was there to do? Nothing.

“We received … surprising news, from two students. Marina and Lana. Do you know them?” Frank wasn’t dodging the subject. Nope. He was just… bringing it slowly, you know, as to prepare himself.

Tyler’s expression was confused, but Josh’s was one of recognition. “Yeah. Tyler can’t know them though, they’re in the grade beneath his,” He mused, stroking mindlessly his lover's hand. Frank wanted to cry. “They missed many classes lately. Why are you asking us that?

Letting himself fall backward in his seat, Frank’s gaze turned to the ceiling. “There’s an explanation for that,” He started, shifting a bit as he felt their attention pierce him. “They were too … shocked in the beginning, and scared, it was as if they were fearing the repercussions of talking.”

“Wait, what do you mean? I don’t understand where you’re going,” Tyler asked, clearly confused. Frank had been confused too. Until they talked.

So, he told them as much. “A week ago, while you were still sick, Tyler, they finally confessed. We promised them that nothing will happen if they talked, so they told us everything – the truth.” It was so twisted when Frank thought about it. Who would have thought High-schoolers were capable of being this cruel?

Tyler frowned. Anxiety seemed to get a hold of him again, no matter how much he tried to not show it. “What did they confess?” He pressed, leaning forward. “W-what kind of truth is there i-in what h-happened?” His voice broke in the end and Josh immediately tugged him backward and placed an arm around his shoulders.

The words didn’t want to come out of his mouth. Until they did. “Someone _ordered_ it. Your phone disappearing, the emptiness of the classroom – it was all planned by an outside person. I’m so sorry Tyler. I- I made them come here, you deserve to know.”

Silence.

Frank couldn’t-

He couldn’t bear to look at their terribly blank expression.

The air began to feel a little thin.

 “What…?” Tyler whispered, eyes wide.

 

 

 

                  She walked. Her heels creating a strange melody and the chatters around her accompanying it. She used to focus on that, before. Long ago. When she was just a child and anxiety yelled at her to be _smaller_. To be more discreet, to not make herself the center of attention. It used to scare her, the attention. She had only wanted of one person, for them to only look at her and smile gently when she did something right.

It had helped. _They_ had helped. She pushed her insecurities away and let her personality bloom under their sunny smile. Her anxiety had lessened, and she managed to function normally, to stop being scared, to stop wanting to be _smaller_.

Everything had been okay, until their attention had been stolen away. Until this day, their love and adoration were not on her anymore.

That was okay, the threat had been taken care of. Their devotion was still not back on her, but it would be, soon. She hadn’t seen them in two weeks but – she knew they would only look at her now.

After all, everything was back to normal, right? She was the center of attention once again, people looked at her and only her, they weren’t distracted anymore. They had been fooled. That was the only explanation, they had been fooled by their curiosity. For the simple reason that Tyler was new and innocent to their secrets, they had taken a liking to him. Someone outside of their dark school, pure of their deeds and with a face pretty enough for people to like him.

There were no other explanations. Tyler Joseph was nothing special, just a short stuff barely cute and fucking dirty, he deserved what happened to him.

She stopped dead in her track when this thought occurred to her. What had she done? Hadn’t she gone too far…? She did, of hell, she did. It made her so deeply ashamed. Ashamed and disgusted in herself and fucking dumb. She had broken someone because of _jealousy_. Because she hadn’t been able to accept that he may be better than her, enough to-

Enough to steal _their_ attention from her.

The guilt was pushed away, quickly substituted by that ugly, disgusting green monster that was jealousy. Fuck it. He deserved that. She did the right thing and made the rightful choices. At least, she put Tyler down for sure. Her problems were resolved, no one was going to give him a second look. He deserved what happened to him, she was sure of it. After everything he had made her endure in their childhood…?

That was revenge. Plain and simple.

(She ignored the screaming little voice in her head and the dark pit swallowing her heart. She had made the right choice. _She did she did she did_.)

She couldn’t regret that one choice, she had sacrificed enough in the past to regret anything now. For her to be _the one_ , to be the queen of this school in hope of having _their_ eyes on her again. Climbing to the top by crushing the others – she did it many times before and would do it again.

Lana and Marina, those names flew in her head as she smirked cruelly. They were pretty, that was for sure. Sweet and cheery and fairly liked amongst the student body, even with the fact that they were _in_ the school’s dirty secrets. She hadn’t been able to stand that and swiftly did what had to be done for them to fall off their throne.

Oh, nothing like what happened to Tyler. She _hated_ him specifically, and he deserved all the terrible deeds her mind could conjure.

No one opposed her reign. Not even that silly group of misfits Halsey and Dallon presided. They may be more talked about, but she was sure she was better than them.

She was better than everyone, anyway.

“A, you’re okay…?”

She snapped out of her thoughts, finding a girl from her pose in front of her. She blinked. “Yes. Yes, I am, just a bit irritated.” The newly-dubbed A laughed gently.

Nobody sensed how fake her laugh was. They all smiled, relieved.

A felt disgusted, but the girl kept going. “I understand why you feel like that!”

She frowned, adjusting her bag on her shoulders and motioning for the girls to start walking again. “Yeah? Why’s that?” She asked, sincerely curious.

The girl shifted uncomfortably, her blonde locks swaying with her movements. “They’re still talking about him. That Joseph kid.”

A felt her heart stop. “What?”

“Yeah,” Another girl continued, checking her makeup distractingly. A wished she knew she was ugly with or without makeup. “Listen to those guys right there.” She motioned toward a group of people settled cozily in the hall.

She snorted. They may be all complaining about the price paid to enter this high school, but they sure as hell thrived in the luxury the school offered.

Motioning for the girls to stay behind, she took some steps in their direction and leaned against a wall, far enough to not be noticed but near enough to listen to them. She felt stupid doing this, but there always was a fire of jealousy in her when she learned people were talking about her enemy. It wasn’t healthy, she knew it, but she didn’t care.

She had long crossed the limits of the good and the bad.

“I hope he’s doing okay… I learned that he was in an accident not too long ago,” Someone spoke. A had no fucking idea about who she was and couldn’t care less.

The guy beside her agreed, putting out his cigarette. “I only paid attention to him in the beginning because I was suspicious. I mean, we don’t get new students here. You’re either in, or you’re out.”

“You’re right,” The first girl agreed, but her quirked, annoyingly blonde eyebrows betrayed she had something else to say. “But…?”

He hummed, fiddling with his pack of cigarettes as if he was on the brink to reach for another one. “I… I think that-“ He stumbled over his words, scrunching his nose. “No, I’m sure of it, he’s a great guy.”

There was a silence among them, two three four five persons, froze in silent contemplation. A impatiently tapped her feet, the anger in her simmering like boiled milk.

Finally, the blonde girl pursued her lips, confusion written all over her face. “I don’t know… What’s so great about him?”

A immediately whispered a quick “same” under her breath, a twisted sense of victory gaining her heart. Yet, it was soon put out.

For the guy who had first talked shook vehemently his head, joined by the redhead who had kept silent until then. She looked like the shy type, all ducked head, and hunched body. That was, until now. She was gripping the sides of her skirt and looking fiercely at the blonde as if personally offended that she had somewhat badmouthed Tyler. “You’re wrong, Adelia. He’s an angel, as simple as that.” She spoke loudly.

They looked at her in shock. It was, probably, something she seldom did – raising her voice. Adelia, as A guessed she was named, observed the way all her other friends reacted, finding them as surprised as she was. She hesitantly brought her gaze back to the redhead, finding her as fierce as seconds ago, “W-what do you mean? Ana, what’s gotten into you?”

Ana held her head high, not even blinking _once_. “You don’t know him, yet you made yourself an opinion based on what you observed and what people said. You’re wrong.” She delivered simply, crossing her arms over her chest. “Ask Kyle,” She motioned toward the boy playing with his pack of cigarettes, giving him a piercing look. “Tell them.”

Tell them what, A wondered, biting her lips as her heart beat wildly. There was nothing more to learn on Tyler. He was a disgusting boy with a face pretty enough to fool innocent people and who loved to whore himself out to anyone giving him the time of the day – that was it! Nothing more!

Kyle didn’t seem to share her thoughts. She angrily watched as they all brought their attention on him.

“I talked to the guy like, twice. He’s pretty much always surrounded by people, but I had the occasion to talk to him,” He whispered, giving up on his baggage.

“And?” Kayla pressed, playing with her blonde locks anxiously.

He looked upwards, scratching the back of his neck. He looked incredibly happy, and A could see that his friends were getting impatient. “Well…”

 

_Going to an appointment to the school’s psychologist sucked. Especially when one was fine. Kyle was fine. He was, really. There were just… Too many things bottled in his heart, things that he was unable to share with his friends and which made his whole body heavier each day. It came to the point where he felt like he had to talk to someone – anyone. But that was impossible with the people in this school. They had too much to hide, too much to protect and too many secrets. Sharing, even a simple thought with one another, was impossible._

_So. The psychologist it was._

_He was in for a surprise when he finally arrived at the doctor’s private office. He blinked. “Tyler?”_

_There was a boy leaning on the wall facing the great window. He looked lost in his thought, eyes half-lidded and body relaxed. He tensed up, though, when he heard his name, eyebrows drawn in confusion. “Do I know you?”_

_Kyle shook his head sheepishly, a blush dusting his cheekbones. “No, but I do.”_

_The other boy snorted, pushing himself away from the wall. “How surprising.”_

_He looked tired, Kyle observed, probably because of his previous illness – and something else. Kyle kind of felt guilty. He motioned toward the door, uncomfortable. “Is there-“_

_“No,” Tyler cut him off, the unsettled look on his face easing away to be substituted by a gentle one. He didn’t seem mad. Kyle knew, personally, that he would have been angry if there was some sort of conspiracy behind his back. “The doctor – she’s not here today, there’s a note right here.”_

_He pointed at the piece of paper strapped on the door. Kyle hadn’t seen it. Which was understandable, in his humble opinion, when faced with the source itself of the school’s suspicion – and delight._

_Suspicion he could understand, but why the… the love? Why did they seem to be so taken by him?_

_Kyle would have liked to ponder on this. He would, really. However, there was a heavy weight on his chest, one that made him want to cry every second of the day and lose every kind of taste in life. He sighed, expression darkening. “Okay…”_

_As his gaze fell on the floor, he missed Tyler’s considering look, and even forgot his presence until-_

_“D’you need help?” A light voice, slightly scratchy on the edge, brought him out of his brooding. He looked upward, coming face to face with Tyler._

_He opened his mouth, no words coming out, stunned. “No way.” He spoke incredulously, all about shock and no heat in his voice. He didn’t mean to come off as mean – he was just surprised. “I mean,” He tried to go back on his words, fumbling with his hands. “We don’t know each other-“_

_“I care,” Tyler stated simply, shrugging. “I have no freaking idea of who you are dude,” He continued, sitting down on the ground under Kyle’s disbelieving eyes. “But you look hella sad. And I want to help. I don’t know how, but I want to help.”_

_There was no hint of any kind of lies in his voice, Kyle noted, shaken. He was saying the truth – why would he lie? A hundred thoughts jumped in his head; from the fact that Tyler was in the company of cool guys already, why would he need to befriend someone like Kyle? And, and! It was obvious everyone was hiding something from him, shouldn’t he be resentful?_

_And-_

_Tyler wasn’t even looking at him, relaxed once again against the wall but this time around, in a sitting position. His eyes were closed now, long eyelashes hiding the black circles under his eyes and a stark contrast with the streaming light from the window caressing his face._

_He looked peaceful._

_Kyle… Kyle had nothing to lose, he already felt as if he had lost everything. He couldn’t speak to his friends about his problems, he was stuck. There was no harm in… no harm in talking. Tyler didn’t know what was going on in this school. Kyle could talk._

_So, he slowly sat down. Then he talked._

_“There’s this girl…” He started, a blush dusting his cheekbones. It was fucking cliché and he waited for Tyler to laugh at him, but the boy didn’t say anything, eyes still closed. Kyle relaxed and kept going. “I really like her. As in, love, I love her.”_

_A little smile was dancing on Tyler’s lips. “Cute,” He whispered, seeming genuine._

_“She is,” Kyle answered, a faraway look in his eyes. “She’s lovely. But there’s something going on…” He chanced a look at Tyler and saw him as relaxed as he was previously. It pushed Kyle to open his mouth once again, and words tumbled from his lips like water from a fountain._

_“People are forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to. It’s… It’s something important, a bit like a ritual. A… a bad ritual, but everyone did it, and it’s her turn. She’s a good person, though, a great one, pure like I’ve never seen someone before. So, she refused, of course, but now everyone is bullying her. I… I’d like to help, obviously. The thing is – I kind of am with them. I did the ritual too and we’re technically brothers and sisters yet-“_

_He couldn’t keep going, a knot in his throat._

_“Do you love her?”_

_“Huh?”_

_Kyle snapped his head upward, and Tyler was looking at him. There was no form of judgment on his face, no frown no smiles no nothing, he was just – gentle. Unbelievably so. “W-what?”_

_“I said,” Tyler repeated, eyes never wavering away from Kyle’s. “Do you love her?”_

_“Yes! Yes, I do, obviously!” Kyle nearly shouted, eyebrows drawn together as his heartbeats increased. His body remembered the feelings he had for her and woke up at the slightest hint of the world ‘love’._

_Tyler seemed to muse on it. What was he thinking about…? “Do you want to do the right thing? Or what is expected of you?”_

_“I-“ Kyle stumbled over his words, confused. “Aren’t those the same?”_

_A sweet laugh was his answer, Tyler shaking his head fondly. “Think about it. Say, your dream carrier is to be musician. It pulls at your heart, your mind, your soul, this is what you want. Yet, your parents don’t want that, heck, your whole family disapprove. They want you to go to college and have a job they deem stable enough.” He leaned toward Kyle, a twinkle in his eyes. “Tell me, bud. What’s the right thing? And what is expected of you?”_

_“The right thing would be to pursue a carrier in music,” Kyle answered, as if it was obvious. “Yet, what’s expected of me is to go to college...”_

_Tyler nodded. He brought his gaze toward the window, under the wondering eyes of Kyle. “That’s your answer. For someone else, the right thing to do might be to listen to their parents… And for others, what's expected of them is to follow their dreams - it differs with everyone."_

_Oh._

_That…_

_Kyle hadn’t thought about it._

_“It’s all up to you my dude,” Tyler breathed as he got up, stretching. He hold out his hand for Kyle to take, and the boy did._

_Tyler’s hands were soft. Just like him. “What do you mean?”_

_“Are you going to do the right thing? Or the one that is expected of you?” The smaller boy didn’t let go of his hand, squeezing it when he saw Kyle’s eyes widening._

_“What’s the right thing?”_

_Tyler did let go of his hand, this time._

_Kyle felt cold._

_“You’re the only one who holds this answer,” Tyler smiled sadly, a melancholic look in his eyes. Kyle wondered what happened to him for his thoughts to be so… so old, so wise, so beautiful. “I’m just a simple guy, I won’t push my thoughts and beliefs on you. What I can do, though, is to give you an advice as… as a fellow helpless human being.” A wry smile made its way on his lips._

_He looked up at Kyle, a serious air all around him. “Do something you won’t regret, ever. Think about it, make the choice that puts your mind at ease … and your heart with no regrets.”_

_Kyle honest to God breathed fine. It felt like fresh air after staying underwater for too long. They looked at each other for what felt like eternity, before Tyler took some steps back, Kyle doing his best to not just- just beg him to stay, to tell him more and-_

_He was so confused, yet his mind had never been this clear._

_“Are you going to be okay?” Tyler breathed, seeming worried. His body indicated that he wanted to go, as if he was uncomfortable with being near someone this long. But he stayed. He stayed because he wanted to make sure that him, Kyle, the perfectly unknow boy, was okay._

_Fuck. Kyle understood now._

_“I will be,” He whispered, already thinking of ways to get out of his sticky situation. The boulder on his way just kind of crumbled away, and Kyle felt so freaking dumb for making everything so complicated._

_He had been thinking too much, and forgot about the essential._

_Kyle was in such a daze, he only woke up from his daydreams when Tyler was already steps away from turning at the corner of this corridor. His eyes widened. “Tyler!”_

_The boy immediately turned around, startled. “Yeah?”_

_“Thank you!” Kyle shouted, a giant smile on his smile._

_The blush on Tyler’s cheeks and his confused moue were evident, even from here. “I did nothing, you silly boy.” He spoke clearly, bashful, and he was gone._

_Yes. Kyle understood now._

“He really is pure,” He muttered, smiling wryly at the shocked and guilty look his friends threw at him. “I understand why- why many people are so taken with him.”

It was silent from now on, in their group.

It wasn’t silent, in A’s mind. She was fuming. Tyler wasn’t fucking pure, he was- he was _nothing_!

The little voice whispered that it was her irrational jealousy speaking again, and it made hot-red anger boil in her heart, her mind, her _blood_.

“A?”

She whirled around, heart beating frantically at being caught eaves dropping. Her eyes widened when she saw who was standing behind her.

“L-Lana? Marina?”

The two girls didn’t say anything more, simply looking at her. But A could see it. The disgust, the hatred, clear as the day bursting from them in waves.

She bristled. “What are those looks for? Where the fuck have the two of you been? I don’t remember telling you to-“

“We’re not under your fucking thumb anymore, it’s over.” Marina spit, looking down at her. “I knew you were rotten; but I never thought you would go that far…” She didn’t continue, paling suddenly as she looked away.

A blanched. “W-what are you talking about?” She looked around her, cursing under her breath when she saw that people were looking at them curiously.

Lana touched Marina’s arm lightly, a tight smile on her lips. “You’ll see by yourself. Professor Iero’s asking for you. Right now, have fun!”

“Wait-“

The duo didn’t wait, though, they ignored A completely and walked away, stopping just long enough to give her pose pitying glances. They didn’t seem to understand.

A wanted to scream in outrage.

What was going on today? Why’s everything going so wrong?

“Don’t follow me!” She snapped when one of her girls tried to follow her, stomping her way past curious students toward Professor Iero’s office.

Anger was running deeper than ever in her bones; her heart was beating so freaking hard and her stomach – tied in knots. What did Marina and Lana know? And why- why were people still giving Tyler attention? He didn’t deserve it, she did! He was worthless and disgusting and-

She took a deep breath. Here she was, in front of the office. She plastered a fake smile on her lips, the one good enough to fool teachers into thinking she was a good girl. She didn’t know how it felt to smile sincerely anymore. Only one person could make her happy.

And that person had been stolen by Tyler.

She knocked. Silence, then, a voice. “Enter.”

So, enter she did, smiling. “Professor-“

Her eyes widened in shock and she swore her heart stopped right here and there. It was impossible to breathe, it felt like a void opened beneath her feet. No-

Josh looked heartbroken. “Ashley…?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhangers for them cliffhangers fir you cliffhangers for everybody in this room~~


	26. Fall Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler thought that he would never have been able to prepare himself for this situation, not when he saw the same girl that had looked at him with so much rage weeks prior, and not when a phone was placed on professor Iero’s desk and a recording was heard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my heart goes to the people that comment this and keep up with it *sheds a tear* I hope you'll be hurt with this chapter because writing it hurt me damn it

                     

                    Tyler had prepared himself for quite the deck eventualities. It’s a lie.

Tyler didn’t prepare himself at all. Oxygen had been lacking, and time? Well, nothing but a concept, after Professor Iero’s revelation. Shock, certainly. Confusion – and hurt too. Realization, then. There _was_ someone out here, who disliked Tyler so much they had hired people to hurt him in the worst way possible.

This. This one thought brought him out of his stupor and made chills run up his skin, made his heart stop dead cold and restart again – slower, the organ was in shock, too, it couldn’t function properly.

The knock on the door had come too quickly, Josh’s hold on his hand hasn’t feel tight enough, he had just wanted to throw everything to the wind and hide in his lover’s arms in hope of everything to be over already. Yet, the door was opening and nothing was ending, they were still there in this cold room in which air began to lack and-

Tyler wanted to throw up.

“Ashley…?” Through the deafening silence, only Josh’s hoarse voice and Ashley’s audible gasp were heard. Professor Iero didn’t look surprised, Tyler noted, and he thought belatedly that it was _normal_ for – he knew. For how long? How did he feel when he learned the truth?

But really, Tyler couldn’t care less about how Professor Iero felt; right now, bewilderment was stunning him into silence and quietening his thoughts to oblivion. His mind was a complete shutout, and as he turned around, he stared at Ashley’s tense figure with blank eyes.

“Ashley,” Josh repeated, louder this time, even though his voice had still a fragile aspect that Tyler had seldom heard. “What are you doing here?”

 _Isn’t it obvious?!_ Tyler wanted to scream, but he couldn’t – he didn’t have the strength to. He took in a harsh breath and tried to will away the numbness that had taken a hold of his body. He failed, leaving him cold and still full of the need to empty his stomach right here and there.

“I received this, along with two student’s testimonials,” Professor Iero’s spoke, steady and composed. Tyler was the only one to turn his gaze on him, blinking slowly at the same rhythm as his heart was beating. Josh and Ashley were still looking at each other, see, and Tyler was getting a bit scared of the utter devastation on Josh’s face. Was Ashley a student of his? A close one?

Tyler thought that he would never have been able to prepare himself for this situation, not when he saw the same girl that had looked at him with so much rage weeks prior, and not when a phone was placed on professor Iero’s desk and a recording was heard.

“This-“ Ashley’s voice interrupted the first seconds of the sound, but Josh’s chilling gaze shut her up immediately.

 _“Are you ready to talk? We can postpone it you know- ”_ Statics, then the voice got clearer.

_“We want to do it now,”_

_“It’s been too long already…”_

Silence. Just statics. Then, the first voice once again - Tyler finally identified it as Professor Iero’s.

_“November the first, two thousand and seventeen; you can start talking. ”_

Silence. Heavier this time, Tyler could feel it from his seat, combined with the one that had taken this office hostage for way too long now. November the first, he thought, this recording was only seven days old. He squirmed, his heart beats picking up as Josh’s hand tightened around his. That was it-

_“The day of the incident, October fifteen-“_

_October fifteen,_ Tyler repeated inside his head with a shudder.

_“-sometime in the afternoon, we-“_

_“Who does this ‘we’ include?”_

_“Ashley, most of the cheerleaders and… Lana and I.”_

When those names were revealed, Ashley reacted rather violently – Tyler didn’t have to turn around to know that her legs had given up on her.

_“I see. Please, continue.”_

_“Right. Lana can you-”_

Shuffling, a new voice.

 _Yeah- I, yes, of course. Hum,”_ statics, the sound of a throat being cleared? Tyler was too intent on the things they were going to say to notice everything, he could feel his frazzled heartbeats in his _whole_ body. _“It was a Thursday afternoon. Ashley usually tell us what we’re going to do but- she just looked furious that day, and when she saw Tyler near the lockers, she became like-“_

The voice grew quiet.

_“-red, really red, the kind of red you only see on people terribly furious. We didn’t understand but we had to follow, it has always been like that. Though this day, she confronted him. She never does, usually, she has a reputation to maintain and never confronts people who have wronged her – but this time, she did. We… I don’t think she, like, knew what she was doing. It seemed spontaneous, one moment she was talking to us and the other she was walking furiously toward him and, hum, assaulting him verbally…”_

None of the feminine voice kept going, and Tyler wanted to _scream._ Thankfully, before statics made him go crazy and he broke down right here, one of them started talking again.

_“She, uh, she threatened him. I don’t think he took her seriously and, he- he didn’t have any reasons to, he didn’t know Ashley like we do… Like we said before, she has a reputation to maintain and she does it well. Only a few people out there know her truly…”_

_“And how do you, girls…?”_

_“We’ve been … victims of her bad temper before. She wants to be the best and reacts badly to people on her way. We didn’t think we were any threat to her popularity until she-“_

The sharp intake of breath one of them took was loud in the deafening silence.

_“She spread rumors about us. Bad ones, enough for people to whisper behind our back and avoid us. Then, all she had to do was threaten us to join her group – outside of that, people thought she was a saint. Such a great person, you see, to take the black sheep of the school in her little circle…”_

_“That’s why, when we saw her detach herself from the group because she had something to do, we grew suspicious and followed her. T-this is the moment when w-we…”_

_“The moment when we heard the phone call. Only snippets of it, we weren’t near enough to catch everything but we knew it was bad. No one trust us here, so we had to find out everything by ourselves but-“_

_“We were too late,”_ One of them finished when it was obvious the other one couldn’t – hiccups could be heard – _“And by the time we realized what her plans were, we went to find you, Professor Iero, and Professor Dun…”_

 _“I-, I never thought she would go that far. She can harass people, dirty their reputation and make their life a living hell but… she outpaced herself, I guess.”_ An incredulous laugh, breathless. _“That’s too much, even for someone like her. What she did was terrible. I still have nightmares about it – I can’t even begin to imagine h-how Tyler-“_

She didn’t finish, and this time around, never picked up where she left off again. She didn’t need to. The record ended with a soft _‘thank you’_ from Professor Iero, followed by the date once again, the hour, and statics.

Ugly, heavy, full of unwanted truths statics.

Tyler’s stomach hurt, it hurt badly. The kind of hurt you usually got out of sheer nervousness, excitement maybe – but he wasn’t feeling any of that. No, no.

Only horror, and a deep sense of uneasiness. He couldn’t look at Ashley right now, but would he ever be able to? The thought of that girl, who he only talked to _once,_ despising him enough to go to such extent to hurt him…

Bile rose in his throat, and a sudden wave of dizziness hit him. Now he _really_ wanted to throw up, squeezing Josh’s hand so hard it hurt was all he could do to not pass out on his seat. Everything came down in an instant, you know? It became real, it wasn’t a bad movie he was watching with detached eyes nor a story told by a passerby- it was _real._ Behind him stood the person that hated him enough to destroy him. Enough to go out of her way and rip his dignity to shreds.

Tyler felt weirdly empty, as he turned around to look at her, once again. She was on the floor, tears streaming down her face and her whole body trembling. He knew her. If you called talking to a person _once_ knowing. Was… Was he such a detestable person to attract such… such s _corn?_ What did he do, in his short presence in this school, for her to hate him so badly? Were things like this nowadays? You put someone in their place and they did their best in return for you to stay down for good?

He could have stayed down, dear God. If it was someone else, someone who had more sense of self-worth than Tyler had, goodness, they would have been _destroyed_. Tyler wasn’t strong enough to make an introspection on what happened to him, was happy enough to be able to live with the fact that he had been _raped-_

But oh; seeing the responsible of this wound just here…? In front of him? They were other culprits, Tyler knew it, monsters in human skin that felt no remorse in forcing themselves on someone who clearly wasn’t consenting but- it wouldn’t have happened, if she hadn’t ordered it.

He opened his mouth to say something – _anything –_ because they were all too quiet for people in the knowledge of this truth, he wanted to scream and yell _why?_ Wanted to ask what the fuck was wrong with her yet-

No sounds came out of his mouth and he closed it with a pained grimace, his mind was buzzing with too many thoughts, but his body wasn’t following. He felt exhausted. So, he closed his eyes and prayed. Prayed to the God that he felt too ashamed to have faith in, prayed for all of this to be a dream, and to wake up in bed, safe and surrounded by Josh’s everything.

When he opened his eyes, the scene hadn’t changed; Frank’s expression was nothing but sad acceptance, Ashley laid there, broken, and Josh-

Why did Josh look the most devastated of them all? Tyler had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Far away from the depth of the emptiness of his mind, he heard Frank’s low, solemn voice. It sounded like he was underwater. “The police have been notified of those student’s declaration. They clearly incriminate you and as such -  I’m sorry to inform you that you _will_ be judged, this is a crime, and you won’t slip out of this with no retaliation… Miss Dun.”

Tyler felt like he had been punched in the stomach.

His hands tightened so much on Josh’s, it was a miracle the older man hadn’t protested. But really, how could he? He seemed to be more shocked than Tyler was – no, shock wasn’t the emotion Tyler would use in this situation. Overwhelmed, perhaps, and more than distressed.

Pleading, he was pleading, pleading with his eyes to the crying girl on the floor. Tyler was slowly starting to understand why.

He wishes he didn’t.

“Ashley… This must be an error r-right?” The man breathed, voice low, so low that even Tyler struggled to understand. Though in this deafening silence, they all heard, Frank did, and he closed his eyes. Ashley did too, and she bite her lips. “Little sister _please_.”

That’s when Ashley breaks down, that’s when her silent tears turn to heart-wrenching sob and she wails like a child. It’s painful to see, it _hurts._ She’s crying like the world ended, her beautiful features wrecked by tears that seem more like blades and locks of hair getting stuck to her face. It’s painful to hear, her cries, her sobs, her difficulty to breathe and the pure horror dancing in every little sound.

Tyler doesn’t know how he’s made, doesn’t know why he’s like this but he’s feeling _pity_.

Pity for the girl crying like her world ended.

He hears deafening silence, it’s then broken by ugly laughs, he smells nauseating cologne and shame, tastes fear and the blood in his mouth that appeared when they punched him – and, and their disgusting _essence_. He sees black, black and red, black and blurry colors, feels his skin itching and his self-worth breaking to pieces.

It’s terrible, it’s making him want to throw up once again but – but you know, he still feels pity for her. Why? Perhaps because she looks as destroyed as he feels.

Which should be impossible, he thinks bemusedly. How could she feel anything that could compare to the feeling of… of learning that the one that made you suffer like no one was …

The little sister of your lover?

I was so ridiculous, Tyler wanted to cry.

Josh seemed to want to cry too. He had every reason to. His expression was screaming _betrayal_ while Ashley’s was screaming _guilt._

Oh, she felt guilty now? How about when she ordered people to rape him?

He bite his lips, his other hand coming on top of Josh’s to calm his shaking frame. Every time he whispered _why_ , Tyler felt his heart breaking again and again.

No, Tyler didn’t know how he was made because he felt pity for that girl, and all his hurt came from the fact that his lover was hurting too.

“I- I didn’t mean to but-“ She started saying, eyebrows knitted together before she burst into tears again. “I-I I’m so s-orry I-“

Again, and again, and _again._ Incomplete, broken sentences, words that can’t come out and horror sipping in her tone – as if she was just realizing what she had done.

That’s what Tyler thought. Maybe that’s what all of them thought.

For at one point, after the beginning of a sentence that would never be complete, her eyes fell on Josh’s and Tyler’s clasped hands.

And she became _red._

Tyler saw the change, saw her rise slowly to her feet and her expression turn to downright rage. It scared him, honestly, it was a transformation he had only seen in movies and books. She became _red_ but also _black_. The red around her eyes from too much crying seemed to slip in, her expression darkened and a snarl curled her bitten lips.

Blood fell on the floor. It came from her palms, pierced by her nails, from too much pressure, from too much anger.

Tyler took in a shocked breath when she talked.

“I would do it again,” She spit, voice broken but loud, not caring about the outrage on their face. “I would do it again and again because that piece of shit _is nothing but a waste of space!_ ”

“Ashley,” Josh warned, the shock on his face dissolving to turn into anger, and although it seemed to shake her for a while, she kept going.

“It’s always been about Tyler!” She screamed, cutting the air with a violent wave of her hand. Tyler recoiled on pure instinct. “You never saw the truth when it came to him – I tried to tell you so many time, brother… Can’t you see?” It was crazy, how soft her expression turned when she talked to her brother. She seemed to be in an illusion, that’s all Tyler could think, all he could process without falling in the ugly insecurities that rose from his aggression.

“ _He deserves what happened to him.”_

Didn’t he?

Josh became livid.

“Enough!” Professor yelled, standing up suddenly from his seat. “Police officers are going to take you away – you _must_ pay for your crime.”

But Ashley didn’t look scared at all. Her expression – it was crazy, she looked crazy, disturbed, _insane._ “Everyone knows damn well that nothing can attain me,” She sneers, holding her head high as if she had any right to. She didn’t have any, she clearly was in the wrong so-

Why? Why was she like this? How did Tyler wrong her enough for her to think that what she did was the _right_ thing? It wasn’t, it wasn’t at all!

He wanted to tell her, wanted to scream it to her face but numbness paralyzed his body. Professor Iero looked like was about to throw something at her but-

“Get out,” Josh whispered.

It was cold. A cold and chilling sentence.

Her expression broke into shock – why was she surprised? “Brother…?”

“ _GET OUT!”_ Josh shouted, loud enough to wake up the dead, loud enough for her to stumble backward. But Tyler knew. He knew that what made her turn around and run away from the office was the heavy disgust and hate Josh looked at her with.

Somewhere in the haze that was his emotions, Tyler knew he would have died on the spot if Zack ever looked at him like that.

“This girl better not try to escape the police,” Professor Iero cursed, and Tyler wished he wasn’t that shocked to hear him curse. “I- I’m going to go look for her. Josh, Tyler…” He bowed down, expression constrict, before he straightened up. “I’m sincerely sorry.”

Tyler offered him a wobbly smile, watching the man race to the door before his gaze switched to his lover. Josh was shaking from too much anger, and all Tyler could do was to put his arms around him and melt in the embrace that was immediately returned.

It only took a little while for the man to silently cry.

 

 

 

                       She didn’t stop running until she was in the forest. That one forest she hid in _this_ day and watched the results of her plan. Nothing and everything had changed.

It felt like the cold was running to her bones, and wrapping her arms around herself didn’t help a bit. That only made her angrier as she dropped to the ground and punched the earth, not even flinching when her skin broke and droplets of blood fell.

This wasn’t what she had planned. Not what she had planned at all!

Her lips trembled. A second later, she was screaming. Screaming and screaming until her voice broke and nothing came out, screaming until even her heart hurt and she started crying.

“Even you brother,” She sobbed, hitting the ground. It felt like she was _falling away._  “Even you have forsaken me for Tyler…!” He took her parents’ love away from her, wasn’t it enough? He had to go and steal her beloved brother away from her too?

Since they were children, it had always been about Tyler. Tyler this, Tyler that, _Ashley look at Tyler, isn’t he great? You should try to be more like him!_

No, there was absolutely nothing great about Tyler Joseph! Why couldn’t her parents see that? Why couldn’t her brother…?

The memory of Josh looking at her with so much hate made the tears start flowing once again. She had only meant to show him that… That Tyler was _dirty_ , that he should stop giving him so much attention and look at…her. Wasn’t she good enough?

Distinct sounds of the leaves being crushed made her turn around quickly. Had someone followed her?

She wiped her eyes quickly and watched the person some steps away from her with confusion.

“Hello, Ashley.” He said cheerily, waving at her. She only gave him a confused look of disdain, the knowledge of that person appearing out of nowhere.

This man used to hang around her brother when they were teenagers. “What are _you_ doing here?” She asked, thoughts jumbled. His presence here was thousands shade of confusing and worrying, although his face was familiar, everything else was muddled but –

He was _bad_ news.

“Oh you know,” He whispered, moving to the left under her alarmed eyes and letting one two – threefourfive person step up and _nonono-_ “I’m just here to deliver justice.” He finished, smiling thinly.

She felt the blood drain from her face as panic seized her heart. Those people-

“Do you remember us?” One of them asked, darkness in her eyes. Melissa. There was a baseball bat in her hands, and her hold on it was so tight Ashley could swear it would break.

She couldn’t talk as she laid there, shaking. For yes, she remembered them.

Those were the people she had … _taken care of,_ months ago. Why did they-?”

“It’s time for you to pay you fucking _cunt_.” Melissa continued, a cruel smile curling her lips as she advanced toward Ashley, the four other girls following slowly.

No, no, it couldn’t-

There was a sharp pain in her head where her hair was brutally taken, but the pain was nothing, compared to the terror that inflamed her whole body when she saw the darkness curling around the five-girl's expression as they circled around her.

 

…

 

Professor Frank Iero signaled the disappearance of Ashley Dun the same night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bring too much pain on Tyler even though I love him smh
> 
> please leave me your thoughts, it makes me v happy <333


	27. Love Playing These Games (Until my heart bleeds)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rolls credits*

_"You did nothing wrong Josh!"_   Tyler cried out, aggravated and damn  _tired_.

An early night presented itself to the sky, at 6 p.m. on Monday the ten of November.

Monday, Black Monday.

If it was black for Josh, then which color was it for Tyler? What existed after the utter black of despair?

Josh couldn't imagine. He felt betrayed to a point he thought was impossible before. The kind of betrayal so deep its description in tragic movies paled in comparison. It was... I was a pain that grabbed harshly at your heart, tugged it out of your chest and trampled it like no tomorrow, only to repeat its vicious circle when you even  _dared_ to think about the cause.

Josh never stopped to think about the cause. He should, he isn’t the type of person to dwell in the errors of the past – whether they were his or someone else’s. Yet, not this time around. It hurt too much. And it hurt Tyler even more. Which, clearly, was what pained him the most.

Everything was different when it came to Tyler.

He let his gaze wander to his distressed lover, only to hide it in shame seconds later when he saw his lovely but tired expression. How was he still allowed to be near this little one with what his sister did? "I'm so sorry,"

He heard a sigh. A deep sigh that spoke volumes of Tyler's exasperation. Really, this boy must be an angel, Josh didn't know what he would do if the situation was inverted.

Wait- that was a lie. Josh loved that boy way too  _much_ to not forgive him anything. Tyler could plant a knife straight in his heart and he'd ask him if he hurt himself with the movement.

"Josh," Tyler called urgently, tugging on his boyfriend's shirt. "Josh, come on!" He spoke louder, the end of his sentence dancing on the edges of a whine.

There were few things Josh could refuse to Tyler, this boy had him wrapped around his little finger. So with as much reluctance as he could show, his misty eyes met Tyler's shining ones.

His _pretty pretty pretty_ boy. "I feel so guilty baby," He whispered, biting the inside of his cheek as he looked for any negative expression on Tyler's face.

He found none. Instead, a gentle smile spread on Tyler's lips. His eyes were red and puffy from his tears earlier, and his hair- tousled by the slight wind. Yet, he looked oh so peaceful. "You don't have to feel guilty bear," He muttered, stroking Josh's cheeks affectionately. "You and Ashley are two different people."

"She's been hating your guts since you guys were children," Josh argued, furrowing his eyebrows as he recalled the early events. He would have never guessed that-

"You would've never guessed that she'd go this far J, you and I both know it."

Even so. Even if Tyler said this... "She's my little sister," He breathed, pleading Tyler with his eyes. "How did I miss something so big? She's been terrorizing people for God knows how long and I was blind to it! I- She's the responsible o-of what happened to you Ty," He grimaced, paling suddenly.

Saying this out loud made things just a little bit bigger. Josh could only understand  _now_ how much of a big mess Ashley created. When did she become like this? How could the sweet little girl that begged him to watch her dance turn into a... into a  _monster? Where did he go wrong?_

"Did you ask her to hurt me?" Tyler asked, voice bland and eyes carefully empty.

Josh opened his mouth, eyes wide open. "What the fuck Tyler, of course not!"

The boy hummed, cocking his head to the side. "Then, were you the one that contacted those guys...?"

"What are you playing at?" Josh gritted out, the trembles in his hands that he hadn't noticed gone starting once again.

"That's what I thought," Tyler ignored his question with a careless shrug, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're not responsible for anything, you're not Ashley, and you're not the one that organized this grotesque masquerade either."

They stood in a hard silent for a while, the only element breaking their still statues being the rustle the wind created behind the windows. It was only now, that Josh was aware of how vulnerable they were, talking loudly in the school’s corridors.

How careless of him, he thought as his frown worsened.

 After Frank went chasing Ashley, they couldn't get up for a while and looked at each other in a dark, uncomfortable silence.

It had never happened, not to them, not to Josh and Tyler, who's silences were as deep as their conversations were.

And so, they left, closing the door behind them mechanically. They had plans, before. Plans to have dinner outside of the campus, maybe go see a movie if they had the time, just- a date, a real one.

Sadly, there were too many bombs dropped on them for any food or any movie to lift their spirit.

Josh just wanted to put his boy safely in his arms and run away from there and never come back.

It was a prospect more and more tempting every day, no matter the numerous responsibilities he had to assume.

"Logic tells me that I shouldn't feel this guilty..."

"Thanks, the Lord!" Tyler yelled, both arms raised in the air as if he was  _seriously_ thanking God. It may be possible, Tyler did show sign of nursing with a deep care a religion in the secret of his heart.

Josh would always respect that.

"But my heart hurts too much for me to brush it away without any care." He finished, sighing when Tyler rolled his eyes.

The boy started to say something, interrupted by a sudden and cute-as-heck sneeze. He blinked, stroking vigorously his own arms, and Josh observed with alarm that his nose was already growing red, just like his face.

"I'm not getting sick," Tyler said quickly when he saw Josh unimpressed stare.

"Oh really?"

"Yes!" He whisper-yelled, kicking the immaculate ground of the school's corridor sullenly. "Your sister is a bitch- no offense,"

"None was taken." Josh snorted, earning a smile from the small boy that turned into a happy giggle.

How could he be this happy with the situation they were in? Josh asked himself that question as he scrutinized the boy with an open expression of awe.

When Tyler saw it, his grin turned serious but the twinkle in his eyes didn't. "You're wondering how I'm this cherry right...? It's because I came to terms with what happened. Not fully, that would be a lie, no one recovers this easily from that." He paused, shuffling forward until his head hit softly Josh's chest and strong arms embraced him. "But knowing that your sister is the one behind that, although very shocking... It won't change anything, it doesn't make any difference. For me, at least, I know that it's hard to you. Just... don't feel guilty, m'kay? I love you… silly bear."

Josh was so goddamn lucky what the  _fuck_. Tyler’s squeal of delight when he was lifted from the ground was absolute heaven to his ears and a sweet remedy to his heart.

A heart which still felt too heavy, singing desperately with his mind that was also wounded. But Tyler, Tyler was the most important. So as for now, he would only care for his boy, and quietly, on the side, try to understand just how Ashley became the one she is now.

"I can't promise you that the guilt will go away so fast, but I swear, I'll do my best."

Tyler's legs wrapped around Josh's waist, hugging the man like a little koala as he nodded. "It's enough."

And although it was very risky, for anyone could see that there was something  _too strong_ between them, Josh didn't let go. He carried Tyler out of the school, whispered gently in his ear and made him cheery red as they went toward his house, and all of this to the eyes of whoever curious enough.

It was risky, this relationship was risky. But it was worth it.

Oh so  _damn_ worth it.  


 

 

 

 _They were tangled in the sheets_. Their bags, school and teaching supplies, everything was prepared for a day that would hopefully be normal, and then they went to bed. But they didn’t sleep.

Josh knew something was wrong just by his little lover's silence.

"My first time wasn't consensual," Tyler muttered at twenty-one minutes past midnight.

 _Forty-one, forty--_ "What?" Josh breathed back, wondering if he was still in the nightmare that this day was. He couldn't count anymore, Tyler drew mindless shapes on his chest but Josh only imagined them as the words his lover just spoke. "Baby," He started again, louder, voice raspy, "What did you say?"

There was a shift in the room's atmosphere, Josh noticed, in a haze. It was, perhaps, his imagination, but a black curtain of mist started to advance from the corners of the room and everything that was white peaceful became gray uncertain. The younger boy stopped drawing, surely disturbed, for his canvas kept moving at the same rhythm as Josh's heartbeats did.

He didn't seem bothered though, as he lifted his head and watched Josh with a frightening calm - Josh knew he sure as hell wouldn't be calm if he dropped a bomb like that. Yet here Tyler was, still as a statue, black locks gently framing his face as his eyes roamed every little detail that created Josh's expression. What was he looking for? What was he expecting?

Josh didn't know, Josh never knew, no matter how many times he thought he understood his little love better - he was rudely awoken to this bitter reality.

The boy he knew when he was just a child and the young man he was dating to this day were kept apart by years of pain and secrets hesitantly kept.

"Josh," Tyler called, voice low.  _He_ was so eerie, Josh could only drink in everything that was him- as always. "There's something I always wanted to tell you."

And here, and there, he was  _begging_ , as if Josh would refuse to listen to him as if Josh wasn't hooked to all the words that came out of his alluring lips. Josh wanted to tell him that, make him understand this, but through the calm Tyler showed him there was an undertone of urgency.

So- "Tell me," Josh croaked, throat dry. He sat up hastily and brought Tyler's body flush to his, quietly relishing in the heat that radiated from the small boy. It was like a reassurance, for Tyler seemed too far away in this instant. "Please, tell me."

There was a hot, shaking breath against his chest. "Yes... Yes, Josh, my first time wasn't consensual."

"Oh God..."

Tyler's eyelashes were so long, they brushed against Josh's chest whenever he blinked.

He blinked a lot. Still, there were no tears.

"Y'know," He started again, lanky arms coming to rest on Josh's shoulders. "I always imagined love as something... violent. Love was violent, for me, at least."

"Tyler..." Josh couldn't help but speak up, mind jumbled yet words coming short.

The young boy didn't lift his head. His hold on Josh just made itself tighter, and so, Josh understood.

Staying silent was painful.

Tyler seemed to sense his turmoil, immediately speaking up once again. "I can't seem to find the right thing to say, Josh," He whispered, blinking multiple time, and Josh hoped dearly it wasn't to fight off tears. The simple thought hurt him. "But I must tell you, so, love...?"

"I'll stay silent." Josh relented. He felt as if he lost a war.

Tyler- Tyler was a butcher with the face of an angel. "I was thirteen-years-old when I thought I found the love of my life."

Josh released a harsh breath, clenching his jaw. So fucking  _young_.

Tyler didn't budge, still as a statue, the only signs of life in his little body being the multiple blinks and the cotton-candy steel that was his voice. "And he was- he was thirty. Thirty and a little... rough."

Josh knew that his heart beats had just picked up. Tyler knew, too, for he stroked his lover's freckled shoulder soothingly. "His hold on my wrist would be too tight, his kisses too bloody and the way he groped my body- I'd laugh, confused because I thought the pain was good, I thought the pain was what kept me alive. Steve went home to a beautiful wife and two children but he always came back to me. With more gifts, more pretty presents, a lot of lust and bruises that didn't leave for weeks." He paused as the pitch of his voice went higher, and oh, Josh couldn't hold him tight enough, couldn't fight off the ugly feelings that fought in his heart and made him nauseous. Why did his little one have to suffer so much...? "I thought it was love Josh- I thought this was love even years after Zack found out and chased him out of my life, I-"

He pushed Josh away, gently as always, and Josh couldn't keep him close even if he wanted it. How would he dare to force any of his whims on Tyler? His heartbeats were erratic’s and let's throw any shitty sense of manliness out of the window because Josh had tears prickling his eyes and too bad if they fell--

He was in  _pain_.

"You're so kind," Tyler whispered, his doe-like eyes wide in wonder and full of the demons from the past, Josh wanted to destroy them, Josh wanted to erase the shadows around his baby's eyes and the prickly distress that kept his eyebrows furrowed and his hands shaking. Josh's hands were shaking too, and he wondered- "You don't have to feel any pain for me J, I promise."

"How could I not?" Josh asked, breathless, his hands yearned to grab onto that small, delicate body and protect the boy from the world. "You've been hurt so many times and I- And I did too, last time when we-"

"Be quiet!"

Tyler's voice was like thunder in the room,  _He_ was like thunder, fast and merciless in his words and intentions. Josh opened his mouth but immediately shut it when his little one threw him a dirty glance.

So, in his hair, bunched they became, as he pushed his frustration and pain on it with his right hand, the other one grabbing the white sheets they laid in minutes ago.

It felt like hours ago.

"I never want to hurt you," Josh stated, simply, defeated.

"And you never will." The answer was immediate, soft. Tyler was like a tiny, whimsical God, quick to anger yet appeased in a flash.

Josh watched him cautiously.

The things Tyler had said still rang terribly in his head. And though he looked - Thought he looked gorgeous right now, disheveled and red in ways that were delicious, Josh was scared.

Scared to say anything, scared to delve on the fact that Tyler lost his innocence when he was only thirteen, with a man that disregarded any gentleness and fucked him up enough to think it was  _love_.

"It was love," Tyler whimpered, biting his lips as he took  _one two threefourfive_ steps back in the large room.

Josh's heart plummeted. "It's  _not-_ " He went to get up but-

"Stay where you are!" Tyler screamed, closing his eyes. " _Please."_

Every tear that ran on his rose-like cheeks were caused by Josh. Each of those tears planted a knife in his heart, painful enough for him to fall back on the bed, painful enough to sit there and  _hurt hurt hurt._

Tyler was silently crying, as he went to Josh's computer and methodically entered the password Josh had given him freely. He was still crying, when he went on the application of music, when he took in a deep breath and kept his eyes fixed on the floor.

"Tyler...?"

A... strange, disturbing melody was heard.

 _I'm frosting_  
_I don't need a man to make my life sweet_  
_Prince charming_  
_Just isn't the one that I think I need_

The voice was soft, oh so soft, and so was Tyler's expression when his hands dropped to his lap.

 _You're thirsty_  
_You think I give out all my shit for free_  
_I'm bursting_  
_Out laughing at idiocy_

Josh was  _lost_. What did Tyler want to say? Why was the boy's expression so peaceful? No no, not so peaceful, there were traces of pain but-

He seemed to have accepted them. He... He was so beautiful.

 _I need a gingerbread man, the one I'll feed_  
_The gingerbread man, the one I'll eat_  
_One who's always crazy_  
_Never calls me baby_  
_That's the one that I want_  
_All you boys are not him, him_

And Josh, Josh tried to understand and not let himself be hypnotized by Tyler's magnetic everything right now.

He failed.

He failed badly and was left watching Tyler get on his feet, was left watching the boy rock back and forth like he lost his sanity - and only kept beauty and charm to guide him from now onward.

Josh forgot his pain, he listened and watched.

 _Can't you see?_  
_I only want the ones who never see me_  
_But I'm happy_

"I love playing these games until my heart bleeds..." Tyler whispered. He whispered and then whispered those words again until they rang something in him and he started crying -

 _-_ At the same time as he started laughing.

 _It bleeds jelly_  
_Cause you don't want someone to eat your cookie_  
_Can someone please_  
_Find him for me, find him for me?_

But, find who? Who was that gingerbread man? What was he made of? Josh asked to the wind, eyes dry for they were wide open and could only watch Tyler. They could only watch him, watch him and wonder, watch him and have questions after questions that the song answered in riddles.

 _I need a gingerbread man, the one I'll feed_  
_The gingerbread man, the one I'll eat_  
_One who's always crazy_  
_Never calls me baby_  
_That's the one that I want_  
_All you boys are not him, him_

And  _there_!

Tyler turned immediately toward Josh. And then, he walked. He walked and he didn't stop. He didn't stop until he was a breath away from Josh, until the older man could see the shadows that his obscenely long eyelashes cast, and the plump of his lips as he licked them.

 _Oh_.

Josh  _stopped_ breathing. Tyler's hands were too hot on his cheeks, and the music was starting to make his mind hazy, this part especially-

 _I'm the icing covering his body_  
_I wanna hold him so close, so tightly_

Tyler's hold wasn't tight, no no. He chose to take  _Josh's_ , to put them on his waist and  _squeeze--_

 _"_ Baby how do I say this politely?" Tyler's voice was deliciously broken, and his hot breath on Josh's lips plain mind-blowing. "Love me harder and- don't be nice,  _please._ " He pleaded.

His tears were bittersweet, Josh noticed, as he kissed him. He must have cast a spell on Josh because he suddenly  _wanted_. He always wanted, but this time he wanted  _more_ , he wanted all of Tyler, wanted to kiss him until he cried  _"stop",_ wanted to worship and mark and leave red love bites on his body--

"It  _was_ love," Tyler whispered as if he had sensed his thoughts. "But it's not anymore.  _You_ are love, Josh. The way you hold me, the way you kiss me, the tender words you breathe to my ear whenever you have the opportunity and the bites you put on my thighs like the weirdo you totally are. The way you can go from the kindest of the angels to a man that can make me cry from pleasure- you hurt me  _good_ Josh! It hurts, my heart burns, and I want more and I'll never be able to find it anywhere but in your hold, and I don't want to!" He would hold on to Josh tighter as he words went up in intensity, and Josh?

Josh felt like he was overcome with something that went beyond love and he  _pushed_. The bed creaked and Tyler's voice became breathless, he opened his legs wider and gasped as he felt Josh's overwhelming arousal, as his lover let out a shaky breath on his sensitive neck.

Tyler, Josh knew, Tyler would be the end of him, this whimsical and otherworldly god with eyes like the stars in the sky and lips redder than any red he saw before. "You're the one, Joshua Dun, you're my gingerbread man," He whimpered, arching into Josh's large body. "You don't have to be scared of biting I  _want_ all of this, this is and will  _always_ be consensual. I'm begging you, love me harder and--"

"Don't be nice?" Josh whispered, something like dark amusement tinted with red desire. He pushed on his forearms and watched Tyler.

Sprawled defenseless, unknowing that he could ask the moon from Josh and he would do everything to give it to him, black locks sticking on his tanned skin and a gorgeous smile on his lips.

He looked happier than he'd ever been.

"Yeah," He giggled, "Pretty much."

Josh was kind of in awe. He shook his head with a bemused smile. "I- I want to," He admitted with a nervous smile. "You promise that I won't hurt you...?"

"It's a promise," Steel full of stars, Tyler’s eyes, "I never break my promises."

Josh knew. He knew, and he smiled freely, in a way that must have pleased his boy greatly. "I know. One of the many reasons why I love you."

Tyler  _reddened_. "Idiot... I love you too."

They'll play those games.  _Until their hearts bleed._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wiggles eyebrows*


End file.
